: SCENE, GREENWICH THE LAST TRAIN HAS GONE, AND THE SENIOR PARTY, UNDER THE IMPRESSION Senior Party. "DOG CART! GOOD GRACIOUS! BUT YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO DRIVE?" THE GREAT SHIP. SEVERAL incorrect statements having appeared in reference to the Great Eastern (now lying like a red whale in MR. SCOTT RUSSELL'S yard at Millwall, and so frightening people that they cut across the river and take refuge by scores in the houses of MESSRS. HART and QUARTERMAINE, who administer white-bait and iced punch with the most humane promptitude) Mr. Punch has been requested to publish the following information touching the arrangements on board the vessel. CAPTAIN HARRISON, the Captain, who has been selected in contravention of all rules observed in the public service, the proprietors of the ship having engaged him for the vulgar reason that he was notoriously the best captain on the best line of steamers in the world, will merely attend to the comparatively unimportant duty of taking care of the vessel. But, as there are to be six hundred first class passengers, other captains will be appointed to administer to the domestic wants of the floating colony. There will be a Dining Captain, with great carving powers, and a miraculous flow of after-dinner oratory; and there will be a Flirtation Captain, whose business it will be to render the brief voyage still briefer to the ladies. The former has been a Freemason, who has eaten his way into all the honours of the craft, and who will hold lodges in the maintop, where the proximity of the fire from the chimney will be highly convenient for heating the gridirons. The latter has been still more carefully selected, and is a gentleman whom his wife is about to divorce, under the new law, for the incompatibility of his red hair with her notions of elegance, and who, under the same law, will be incapable of marrying again. He will therefore have been a family man, which makes him respectable, while at the same time his attentions can mean nothing. The spiritual welfare of the ten thousand inhabitants of the vessel will be duly cared for. A very handsome church is being built on the after-deck, and four chapels, for Methodists, Catholics, Baptists, and Independents, are being erected forward. A pretty rectory house and garden will be placed near the wheel, but it is thought well that the voluntary system should provide for the Dissenting teachers, though in case of sea-sickness during the services, the sea-beadles are ordered to attend everywhere with basins without regard to distinction of religious faith or bringing up. Births and marriages will be amply provided for, the Directors of the Great Eastern undertaking to be godfathers to any addition made to the population during the voyage, (a silversmith goes out express to engrave the mugs,) and berceaunettes may be had gratis, on application to the boatswain. The Captain will act as father to any young (or other) lady who may succeed, by dint of moonlight and LORD BYRON, in persuading a gentleman to pay her expenses for the rest of her life, and a large young officer is now growing whiskers and a brogue, in order to act as a brother, and demand intentions, on application from any Mamma. Cottages for the honeymoon are being fitted up larboard side by MESSRS. JACKSON AND GRAHAM, and will have private telegraphs to the kitchen, nightingales, and Bell's Life. Weather permitting, races will take place at stated periods, and the Great Eastern Derby will be a feature in the voyage. Once round the vessel being a third of a mile, the heats will be easily arranged. A moveable Grand Stand is being constructed by MESSRS. EDGINGTON. The stabling in the vessel will afford accommodation for any number of horses, and one of the long-boats (itself a large steamer) can be engaged for trial gallops, and be surrounded with awning and ordered to cruise at some distance, in order to ensure privacy. The Betting Act not applying to the high seas, an office where the odds will be given will be under the superintendence of the purser. Other amusements will be provided, an American alley, and a skittle ground, being situated on the poop, and a spare boiler being fitted up as a Casino, into which boiling water will not be turned without such notice as may be practicable. A theatre is in course of erection, and an English dramatic author will be kept in the hold, with a safety-lamp, to translate any French piece that may be thrown down to him. Two eminent Jew costumiers have contracted to supply dresses, and when not engaged in theatrical pursuits, will be happy to fill up their vacant evenings in being converted, on moderate terms, by any passenger who may be going out as a Missionary, and wish for practice in dealing with his benighted brethren. (Extra charge for readingth of tracth.) A club room is also being arranged, and candidates for the Great Eastern Club had better send in their names. Trade, moustaches, political opinions, whistling, a short pipe, the habit of asking questions, Puseyism, or a pug-nose, will exclude. ADMIRAL NAPIER AT SEA AGAIN. QUITTING the safe anchorage of silence, SIR CHARLES NAPIER has again been launching into public speech, and has as usual been found quite at sea there. On moving for a change in the Admiralty management, possibly with a view to the introduction of SIR CHARLES NAPIER in the place of SIR CHARLES WOOD, the gallant admiral is reported to have croaked as follows: "Our ships are not ready; and how then is the country to be defended?" "At present we had no Channel fleet, and in case of a sudden war with France and Russia he did not believe the QUEEN's throne would be worth six months' purchase. (Oh! oh!)" Cabstands will be placed at the most convenient parts of the ship, A truly British sentiment this for a true British sailor to give public and tables of fares and distances affixed. Incivility or overcharge will utterance to! And the cause of this Napierian croak is, that at the consign the offender to the cat, but the flogging will be conducted in a present momentback yard of the vessel, where the loudest throated fellow may bawl without being heard by the public. Bath-chairs and perambulators will also be in waiting, and omnibuses will convey the humbler passengers to various parts of the vessel. Previously to the show of the electric light, every evening, a grand display of fireworks, and a balloon will ascend once a week with letters for any quarter to which the wind may be blowing. Further particulars will be published from time to time until the Launch. "NAME THIS PRINCE." N amiable and spirited young sible enough. It is very dis- abroad for improvement, he adopted a similar course. He did not want the lad followed by thousands, pointing at him, and bawling, "That's PRINCE PUNCH! That's the Heir of Fleet Street! That's the son of the Emperor!" and so on, and he told the boy simply to call himself TOBY FEATHERCAP. The QUEEN is quite right, as usual. In answer to this most momentous question, we feel tempted to say, clearly not by ADMIRAL NAPIER. But to quiet his uneasiness, we would ask, if there be really any reason to suppose that the ships of France and Russia are a whit more ready now for action than our own? And is there any ground for the nervous apprehension, lest war should be declared without a note of preparation, or a warning letter from our Foreign Correspondents ? SIR CHARLES next complains that when through their bad discipline his men should have been beaten, they were so perverse as to gain for him a victory, and so destroy his confidence in the rules of warfare, besides perhaps upsetting his prophetic calculations: "When he fell in with the Miguelite fleet, which was double or treble his force, one of the enemy's ships was first boarded by his captain and his son, now no more, and they were hardly followed by a single man of the crew. Yet these were British Sailors! And out of the 50 marines only three boarded. Why was this? Because the men were undisciplined and had no confidence in themselves. True, the Miguelite fleet was taken. (A Laugh.) Yes, but by all the rules of warfare it was the British fleet which ought to have been taken. (Laughter.)" This statement appears to have occasioned some hilarity, but it is clear SIR CHARLES felt more of disappointment than delight in making it. It is a matter of regret with him ratner than rejoicing that his men were so ill-disciplined as to disobey the rules of warfare, and so obstinate withal as not to take a thrashing when they thought that they could give one. SIR CHARLES appears to us a kind of Naval Mawworm, and rather likes the despicable plight of being beaten, as it affords him opportunity to lay the blame on somebody, and represent himself as being an injured individual. Ill sea-bird that he is, we find him continually fouling his own nest, and constantly disparaging every one about him in order that by contrast he may exalt himself. A WORD FOR A KING. "MY DEAR MR. PUNCH, a "I was so angry with you for that picture of the dear KING oF PRUSSIA you can't think. Pray, never make fun of him any more. I am sure you will not when you know what I am going to tell you, and what you might, you satiric creature, have read for yourself if you had had any eyes. It is actually the fact (and the gentleman who writes to the Times newspaper from Berlin, will assure you of it) that when a young officer in Prussia falls in love with a young lady, and she has no money, and he has not enough to make up the sum which married officer is required by law to have, he petitions the dear King, and the King makes up the amount for him. He hardly ever refuses. O, my dear Punch, if FIELD MARSHAL PRINCE ALBERT would do this sort of thing, how we girls would adore him! There is no law about income here, but you can't marry on a lieutenant's pay, you know, and keep up appearances; but only fancy writing to the PRINCE, and saying that one wants a cottage, and a pony carriage, and all that, and dear COLONEL PHIPPS sending the money in nice crisp notes, and with the PRINCE's best wishes for our happiness. The KING OF PRUSSIA does this, and I do sincerely hope you will never be so unkind as to ridicule him again. I have been telling ALFRED that he ought to exchange into the Prussian service, but you don't know who ALFRED is, and I have not time to tell you. But mind what I say, there is a dear old "Your affectionate friend, But why is the Prince to be called RENFREW? Why not call himself CORNWALL, or CHESTER, or CARRICK, or DUBLIN, seeing that all are as much his names as the Scotch one, and that each name is quite as pretty as RENFREW, and much more easily pronounced by foreigners? Why is he to go about as a young Scotchman? Is it to rectify the notions of the caricaturists on the Continent, as to the Scotch, whom they depict with violent check trowsers, and plumes of feathers bigger than those the tipsy mutes stick on hearses? Or is the title taken for the sake of extreme humility, and with the reasonable idea that nothing can be of much less importance than a Scotch baron. In either case we have nothing to say against the selection, but SIR ALBERT CORNWALL, or LORD EDWARD CHESTER, would have been, we will be judged by the young ladies, a more elegant travelling appellation. Perhaps, like the Prince in Lalla Rookh, the gallant K.G. is going to look round him for some Germanic pearl, one day to be set in an English coronet. Now LALLA never would call her royal lover by any name but FERAMORZ, under which he had first wooed her. RENFREW would not be a pretty or an easy name for the parting rosebuds of the PRINCESS OF WALES to lisp out. One of the Prince's sisters should have thought of this for him. What is the use of a lot of girls in a family if they can't attend to these matters-thing. a fellah can't think of everything. If it is not too late, we recom mend the throwing over the Scotch name; and so we bid His Royal Highness farewell, wishing him a most pleasant sojourn by the Drachenfels, and tour through the Alps. Imaginary Dialogue at Osborne. A Grand Admiral. What should you think a battle was like, my dear Field Marshal ? A Field Marshal. If you come to that, what should you think a seafight was like, my dear Grand Admiral? Neither having an idea on the subjects, both go in to lunch. The Close, Canterbury." "LILY PRIMROSE." CON. BY OUR JUVENILE CONTRIBUTOR. Q. WHY is Uncle Tom like a Magician? A. Because he's a Negro man, Sir. (Necromancer.) THE NATURAL HISTORY OF MORMONITES.-The Mormonites are a set of brutes little superior to the Baboon, and they may be ranked under the denomination of Orang-Utahng. above water. and then I learnt how GRIMSHAWE could not be broken of this habit of "The little wife laughed, and removed the ponderous piece of plate, solemnly placing her cherished fish-slice on the table at every meal. "Poor GRIMSHAWE! The fish-slice was to her as a blue-riband-an without reference to fortune. Her master and mistress were quite SHAWE Would thrust the fish-slice down your throat on all occasions. willing to stand upon their personal claims and chances, but GRIMparading some incongruous patch of splendour on their threadbare "When I see people giving way to some cowardly piece of displayevery-day habits,-I always think of GRIMSHAWE and the fish-slice. The Koroos were eminently of the fish-slice order of people. Their table looked gorgeous under the épergnes with their glowing sheaves of flowers, and the silver wine-coolers with the long-necked greenyellow bottles peeping out of them, and the gay dessert intermixed with the flower-baskets,-only we were all aware that the épergnes, and the wine-coolers, and, for all we know, the very forks and spoons, with all their heraldry, were hired from the pawnbroker's, or the man who lets out rout-seats, or came in GALANTINE'S spring-van with the green boxes. In fact, the KoToos' fish-slice was Brummagem electrotype, and not solid silver, and everyhody saw through the plating. KOTOO had what he called the menew by his side-GALANTINE's bill of fare-from which he called over the dishes. The document was not a model of orthography in itself, and was not made more intelligible by Koroos' pronunciation of its ill-spelt French. "Here's Potage à la Ramifolle, MRS. FLAUNTER, and t'other's a Pewrey de Cressy. Try some of these Roojays à la Cardinal, PENNYBOY,' and then to me, 'There 's Cabilow, if you prefer it.' I saw he hadn't the remotest notion what Cabillaud' meant. Thank you,' said I, maliciously, 'I'll take cod.' Cod!' exclaimed Koroo, much disgusted that such a plebeian fish should be asked for at his table. Cod! I'm afraid it 's not in the menew. The attentive WALKER, however, had already supplied my wants, and Koroo blushed when he saw it was cod after all, and very woolly cod, too, which GALANTINE had put off upon him under the imposing foreign title of cabillaud. MRS. KOTOO is more mistress of the tongues than her husband, and I saw her give KOTOO such a look! "It was evident that in spite of all MRS. K.'s efforts to sit as if it was quite natural to her to have dinner ministered to her by the haughty hands of WALKER and his satellites, she was in her secret soul full of anxieties. I could not at first understand this, for I thought the plan of leaving everything to GALANTINE had this advantage at least, of securing tranquillity to the master and mistress of the house. But I soon found that it was the waiters our hostess was nervous about. In fact WALKER had had occasion to complain to her of some of his staff before dinner, and as I sat with my back to the sideboard at one corner of the table, I was the involuntary confidant of many of WALKER'S difficulties. He was a general worthy of a better army than the awkward squad with which GALANTINE had provided him on this occasion. I had once or twice observed our amiable hostess wince as one of the waiters passed her. At last I saw her exchange a rapid whisper with WALKER. That worthy reddened, but recovered himself, and at once, as if he had merely received an order in regular course, made a circuit of the table in his usual magnificent manner, with the champagne, which I may say, en passant - did not flow quite as freely from his hands as it might have done if we had helped ourselves, or each other. I should say that we were now at what Koroo persisted in calling the 'relieves,' till MRS. KOTOO corrected him-by using the word with an exaggerated stress on the last syllable, thus, 'relevays'at which sound PENNYBOY, who had disappeared from me behind one of the flower-baskets, suddenly emerged with an awakened face, and the exclamation Railways? Won't I take any Railways, Ma'am? Not if I know it- and then he launched into a diatribe on the state of the Railway Market, of which nobody but MRS. KOTOо and I understood the relevancy. While PENNY BOY was on this themewhich really revived the flagging society for a while, every one having his or her own remarkable experience of railway speculation to record -I became conscious of a serious drama in action at the side-table, within ear-shot of my chair. "This was what passed in a low whisper : Walker (to one of the waiters, in a tone of disgust). So you've been at them inions, agin! "Waiter (rapidly, but evidently conscience-stricken). No-I aven't, leastways I never touched one since last night, as ever was-which me and my wife "Walker (cutting him short, as feeling that the time wut not allow of their going into the subject, and with dignity). There-remove them kivers-and don't breathe so 'ard. "The mystery of MRS. KoToo's whisper, and the source of a certain |