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Ulyss. Give pardon to my speech ;

Therefore 'tis meet, Achilles meet not Hector.

Let us, like merchants, shew our foulest wares, 790
And think, perchance, they'll sell; if not,
The lustre of the better shall exceed,

By shewing the worst first. Do not consent,
That ever Hector and Achilles meet;

For both our honour and our shame, in this,
Are dogg'd with two strange followers.

Nest. I see them not with my old eyes; What are

they?

Ulyss. What glory our Achilles shares from Hector, Were he not proud, we all should share with him : But he already is too insolent;

And we were better parch in Africk sun,

Than in the pride and salt scorn of his eyes,
Should he 'scape Hector fair: If he were foil'd,
Why, then we did our main opinion crush
In taint of our best man, No, make a lottery;
And, by device, let blockish Ajax draw
The sort to fight with Hector: Among ourselves,
Give him allowance as the better man,
For that will physick the great Myrmidon,
Who broils in loud applause; and make him fall
His crest, that prouder than blue Iris bends.
If the dull brainless Ajax come safe off,
We'll dress him up in voices: If he fail,
Yet go we under our opinion still,

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That we have better men.

But, hit or miss,

Our

Our project's life this shape of sense assumes,-
Ajax, employ'd, plucks down Achilles' plumes.
Nest. Ulysses,

Now I begin to relish thy advice;

And I will give a taste of it forthwith

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To Agamemnon: go we to him straight.
Two curs shall tame each other; Pride alone
Must tarre the mastiffs on, as' twere their bone.

[Exeunt.

ACT II. SCENE 1.

The Grecian Camp. Enter AJAX, and THERSITES.

THER SITES,

Ajax.

Ther. Agamemnon-how if he had boils? full, all over, generally?

Ajax. Thersites,

Ther. And those boils did run!- Say so,

did not the general run then; were not that a botchy

core ?

Ajax. Dog,

Ther. Then there would come some matter fro: him; I see none now.

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Ajax. Thou bitch-wolf's son, canst thou not hear?

Feel then.

[Strikes him.

Ther.

Ther. The plague of Greece upon thee, thou mungrel beef-witted lord!

Ajax. Speak then, thou unsalted leaven, speak: I will beat thee into handsomeness.

Ther. I shall sooner rail thee into wit and holiness: but, I think, thy horse will sooner con an oration, than thou learn a prayer without book. Thou canst strike, canst thou? a red murrain o'thy jade's tricks! Ajax. Toads-stool, learn me the proclamation. Ther. Dost thou think, I have no sense, thou strik'st me thus ?

Ajax. The proclamation,

Ther. Thou art proclaim'd a fool, I think.

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Ajax. Do not, porcupine, do not; my fingers itch. Ther. I would, thou didst itch from head to foot, and I had the scratching of thee; I would make thee the loathsomest scab in Greece. When thou art forth in the incursions, thou strikest as slow as another. 31

Ajax. I say, the proclamation,

Ther. Thou grumblest and railest every hour on Achilles; and thou art as full of envy at his greatness, as Cerberus is at Proserpina's beauty, ay that thou bark'st at him.

Ajax. Mistress Thersites !

Ther. Thou should'st strike him.

Ajax. Cobloaf!

Ther. He would pun thee into shivers with his fist,

as a sailor breaks a biscuit.

Ajax. You whoreson cur!

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[Beating him. Ther.

Ther. Do, do.

Ajax. Thou stool for a witch!

Ther. Ay, do, do; thou sodden-witted lord! thou hast no more brain than I have in my elbows; an assinego may tutor thee; Thou scurvy valiant ass! thou art here put to thrash Trojans; and thou art bought and sold among those of any wit, like a Barbarian slave. If thou use to beat me, I will begin at thy heel, and tell what thou art by inches, thou thing of no bowels, thou!

Ajax. You dog!

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Ther. You scurvy lord!

Ajax. You cur!

[Beating him.

Ther. Mars his ideot ! do, rudeness; do, camel;

do, do.

Enter ACHILLES, and PATROCLUS.

Achil. Why, how now, Ajax ? wherefore do you

thus ?

How now Thersites? what's the matter, man?

Ther. You see him there, do you?

Achil. Ay; What's the matter?

Ther. Nay, look upon him.

Achil. So I do; What's the matter?

Ther. Nay, but regard him well.

Achil. Well, why I do so.

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Ther. But yet you look not well upon him: for, whosoever you take him to be, he is Ajax.

Achil. I know that, fcol.

Ther. Ay, but that fool knows not himself.

E

Ajax.

Ajax. Therefore I beat thee.

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Ther. Lo, lo, lo, lo, what modicums of wit he utters! his evasions have ears thus long. I have bobb'd his brain, more than he has beat my bones : I will buy nine sparrows for a penny, and his pia mater is not worth the ninth part of a sparrow. This lord, Achilles, Ajax,-who wears his wit in his belly, and his guts in his head,I'l tell you what I say of him.

[blocks in formation]

Achil. Nay, good Ajax.

8.

[AJAX offers to strike him, ACHILLES interposes.

Ther. Has not so much wit

Achil. Nay, I must hold you.

Ther. As will stop the eye of Helen's needle, for whom he comes to fight.

Athil. Peace, fool!

Ther. I would have peace and quietness, but the fool will not: he there; that he; look you there. Ajax. O thou damn'd cur! I shall

Achil. Will you set your wit to a fool's?

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Ther. No, I warrant you; for a fool's will shame it. Patr. Good words, Thersites.

Achil. What's the quarrel?

Ajax. I bade the vile owl, go learn me the tenour of the proclamation, and he rails upon me.

Ther. I serve thee not.

Ajax. Well, go to, go to.
Ther. I serve here voluntary.

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