But I'll endeavour deeds to match these words,

Or may I never---
Ajax.
Do not chafe thee, cousin.-
And you, Achilles, let these threats alone,
Till accident or purpose bring you to 't.
You may have every day enough of Hector,
If you have stomach; the general state, I fear,
Can scarce entreat you to be odd with him.

Hector. I pray you, let us see you in the field;
We have had pelting wars, since you refus'd
The Grecians' cause.

Achilles.

Dost thou entreat me, Hector?

To-morrow do I meet thee, fell as death;
To-night all friends.

Hector.

Thy hand upon that match.

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.270

Agamemnon. First, all you peers of Greece, go to my

tent;

There in the full convive we: afterwards,

As Hector's leisure and your bounties shall
Concur together, severally entreat him.—
Beat loud the tabourines, let the trumpets blow,
That this great soldier may his welcome know.

[Exeunt all except Troilus and Ulysses. Troilus. My Lord Ulysses, tell me, I beseech you, In what place of the field doth Calchas keep?

Ulysses. At Menelaus' tent, most princely Troilus:
There Diomed doth feast with him to-night;
Who neither looks upon the heaven nor earth,
But gives all gaze and bent of amorous view

On the fair Cressid.

Troilus. Shall I, sweet lord, be bound to you so much, After we part from Agamemnon's tent,

To bring me thither?

Ulysses.

You shall command me, sir.

As gentle tell me, of what honour was

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This Cressida in Troy? Had she no lover there
That wails her absence?

Troilus. O, sir, to such as boasting show their scars
A mock is due. Will you walk on, my lord?
She was belov'd, she lov'd; she is, and doth:
But still sweet love is food for fortune's tooth.

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[Exeunt.

SCENE I. The Grecian Camp. Before Achilles' Tent. Enter ACHILLES and PATROCLUS.

Achilles. I'll heat his blood with Greekish wine to-night, Which with my scimitar I'll cool to-morrow.

Patroclus, let us feast him to the height.

Patroclus. Here comes Thersites.

Achilles.

Enter THERSITES.

How now, thou core of envy!

Thou crusty batch of nature, what's the news?

Thersites. Why, thou picture of what thou seemest, and

idol of idiot-worshippers, here's a letter for thee.

Achilles. From whence, fragment?

Thersites. Why, thou full dish of fool, from Troy.

Patroclus. Who keeps the tent now?

Thersites. The surgeon's box, or the patient's wound. Patroclus. Well said, adversity! and what need these tricks? Thersites. Prithee, be silent, boy; I profit not by thy talk: thou art thought to be Achilles' male varlet.

Patroclus. Male varlet, you rogue! what's that?

Thersites. Why, his masculine whore. Now, the rotten diseases of the south, the guts-griping, ruptures, catarrhs, loads o' gravel i' the back, lethargies, cold palsies, raw eyes, dirt-rotten livers, wheezing lungs, bladders full of imposthume, sciaticas, limekilns i' the palm, incurable bone-ache, and the rivelled fee-simple of the tetter, take and take again such preposterous discoveries!

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Patroclus. Why, thou damnable box of envy, thou, what meanest thou to curse thus?

Thersites. Do I curse thee?

Patroclus. Why, no, you ruinous butt, you whoreson indistinguishable cur, no.

Thersites. No! why art thou then exasperate, thou idle immaterial skein of sleave-silk, thou green sarcenet flap for a sore eye, thou tassel of a prodigal's purse, thou? Ah, how the poor world is pestered with such waterflies, diminutives of nature!

Patroclus. Out, gall!

Thersites. Finch-egg!

Achilles. My sweet Patroclus, I am thwarted quite From my great purpose in to-morrow's battle.

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Here is a letter from Queen Hecuba,-

A token from her daughter, my fair love,
Both taxing me and gaging me to keep

An oath that I have sworn. I will not break it.
Fall Greeks, fail fame, honour or go or stay,
My major vow lies here, this I'll obey.—
Come, come, Thersites, help to trim my tent;
This night in banqueting must all be spent.—
Away, Patroclus!

[Exeunt Achilles and Patroclus. Thersites. With too much blood and too little brain, these two may run mad; but, if with too much brain and too little blood they do, I'll be a curer of madmen. Here's Agamemnon, an honest fellow enough, and one that loves quails; but he has not so much brain as ear-wax: and the goodly transformation of Jupiter there, his brother, the bull,-the primitive statue and oblique memorial of cuckolds; a thrifty shoeinghorn in a chain, hanging at his brother's leg,-to what form but that he is, should wit larded with malice and malice forced with wit turn him to? To an ass, were nothing; he is both ass and ox: to an ox, were nothing; he is both ox and ass. To be a dog, a mule, a cat, a fitchew, a toad, a lizard, an owl, a puttock, or a herring without a roe, I would not care; but to be Menelaus! I would conspire against destiny. Ask me not what I would be, if I were not Thersites, for I care not to be the louse of a lazar, so I were not Menelaus.-Hey-day! spirits and fires!

62

Enter HECTOR, TROILUS, AJAX, AGAMEMNON, ULYSSES, NESTOR, MENELAUS, and DIOMEDES, with lights. Agamemnon. We go wrong, we go wrong.