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THE GRECIAN CAMP.
BEFORE ACHILLES' TENT.
Enter Achilles and Patroclus. Achil. I'll heat his blood with Greekish wine to
night, Which with my scimitar I'll cool to-morrow. Patroclus, let us feast him to the height.
Patr. Here comes Thersites.
Enter Thersites. Achil.
How now, thou core of envy? Thou crusty batch of nature, what's the news?
Ther. Why, thou picture of what thou seemest, and idol of idiot-worshippers, here's a letter for thee.
Achil. From whence, fragment?
Patr. Well said, Adversity! and what need these tricks?
Thier. Pr’ythee be silent, boy; I profit not by thy talk: thou art thought to be Achilles' male varlet.
Patr. Male varlet, you rogue! what's that?
Ther. Why, his masculine whore. Now the rotten diseases of the south, the guts-griping, ruptures, catarrhs, loads o'gravel i’the back, lethargies, cold palsies, raw eyes, dirt-rotten livers, wheezing lungs,
bladders full of imposthume, sciaticas, limekilns i’the palm, incurable bone-ach, and the rivell’d feesimple of the tetter, take and take again such preposterous discoveries!
Patr. Why thou damnable box of envy, thou, what meanest thou to curse thus?
Ther. Do I curse thee?
Patr. Why, no, you ruinous butt; you whoresou indistinguishable cur, no.
Ther. No? why art thou then exasperate, thou idle immaterial skein of sleive silk, thou green sarcenet flap for a sore eye, thou tassel of a prodigal's purse, thou? Ah, how the poor world is pester'd with such water-flies; diminutives of nature!
Patr. Out, gall!
Achil. My sweet Patroclus, I am thwarted quite
[E.reunt Achilles and Patroclus. Ther. With too much blood, and too little brain, these two may run mad; but if with too much brain, and too little blood, they do, I'll be a curer of madmen. Here's Agamemnon,
Here's Agamemnon,—an honest fel
low enough, and one that loves quails; but he has not so much brain as ear-wax: And the goodly transformation of Jupiter there, his brother, the bull, the primitive statue, and oblique memorial of cuckolds; a thrifty shooing-horn in a chain, hanging at his brother's leg, -to what form, but that he is, should wit larded with malice, and malice forced with wit, turn him to? To an ass, were nothing; he is both ass and ox: to an ox were nothing; he is both ox and ass. To be a dog, a mule, a cat, a fitchew, a toad, a lizard, an owl, a puttock, or a herring without a roe, I would not care: but to be Menelaus, I would conspire against destiny. Ask me not what I would be, if I were not Thersites; for I care not to be the louse of a lazar, so I were not Menelaus.--Hey-day! spirits · and fires !
Enter Hector, Troilus, Ajar, Agamemnon, Ulysses,
Nestor, Menelaus, and Diomed, with lights.
No, yonder 'tis; There, where we see the lights.
I trouble you.
Enter Achilles. Achil. Welcome, brave Hector; welcome, princes
all. Agam. So now, fair prince of Troy, I bid good
Ajax commands the guard to tend on you.
Good night, sweet Menelaus. Ther. Sweet draught: Sweet, quoth 'a! sweet sink, sweet sewer.
Achil. Good night,
Agam. Good night. [Exeunt Agam. and Men.
Achil. Old Nestor tarries; and you too, Diomed, Keep Hector company an hour or two.
Dio. I cannot, lord; I have important business, The tide whereof is now.-Good night, great Hec
Hect. Give me your hand.
Follow his torch, he
goes To Calchas' tent; I'll keep you company.
[Uside to Troilus. Tro. Sweet sir, you honour me. Hect.
And so good night. [Exit Diomed; Ulysses and Troilus following. Achil. Come, come, enter my tent.
[Exeunt Achilles, Hector, Ajax, and Nest. Ther. That same Diomed's a false-hearted
rogue, a most unjust knave; I will no more trust him when he leers, than I will a serpent when he hisses: he will spend his mouth, and promise, like Brabler the hound; but when he performs, astronomers foretellit; it is prodigious, there will come some change; the sun borrows of the moon, when Diomed keeps his word. I will rather leave to see Hector,
than not to dog him: they say, he keeps a Trojan drab, and uses the traitor Calchas' tent: I'll after. -Nothing but lechery! all incontinent varlets!
BEFORE CALCHAS' TENT.
Dio. Diomed.-Calchas, I think.-Where's your daughter?
Cal. [Within.] She comes to you.
Enter Troilus and Ulysses, at a distance; after
them Thersites. Ulyss. Stand where the torch may not discover us.
Tro. Cressid come forth to him!
How now, my charge? Cres. Now, my sweet guardian !-Hark! a word
[Whispers. Tro. Yea, so familiar! Ulyss. She will sing any man at first sight.
Ther. And any man may sing her, if he can take her cliff; she's noted.
Dio. Will you remember?
Nay, but do then;