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CURIOUS CIRCUMSTANCE.-Gretna Green has never been more distinguished than within the last few weeks, having been visited by a very eminent legal nobleman (Lord Erskine), nearly seventy years of age, in company with a female who has brought him several children out of the pale of wedlock, which female, with the assistance of the established joiner of the place, he married. His Lordship travelled from London in the garb and head-dress of a female. The object of this very extraordinary step is to legitimize the children of this connexion, who, according to the Scottish law, cease to be bastards on the mariage of the parents at any time. His Lordship formally signed certain certificates on the spot, to give his children the advantage of the conduct pursued. The Noble and Learned Lord has children by a former marriage, and, of course, this singular proceeding can by no means interfere with their English rights, whatever it may do with their Scottish. (Shrewsbury Chronicle, Jan. 7.)

PRIORITY OF INTELLIGENCE!--The same newspaper that originated the report of Gen. MATHEW's death, now says that the General

was, according to the fast accounts from Ireland, very materially advanced in recovery! And another Journal assures us, very gravely, and with an air of perfect contidence, that the Consorts of all our four Royal Dukes, now abroad, are happily advanced in pregnancy!

FEMALE VERSATILITY.- A bride, who was to have been married a few days ago, in Blairgowrie, suddenly changed her mind, and set off the day before that fixed for her wedding, for Edinburgh. The bridegroom and guests, however, went through the usual formalities observed on such occasions; and after sending a deputation for the bride, and a cart for the flitten," spent the day with the utmost conviviality and good

cheer.

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DEFINITION OF A DOCTOR.-A Doctor is defined to be-a man whom we hire for the purpose of telling idle stories in the chamber of a sick person, till nature effects a cure, or his medicine kills the patient.

PREJUDICE is somewhere explained to be "a Species of Epidemical Contagion, every where attached to the people, to women, to children, to old men, but which yields to the force of Reason."

CONNUBIAL TENDERNESS.-A short time ago, one William Wright was committed to the House of Correction, at Lewes, in Sussex, charged with stealing a goose, the property of Mr. C. Saxby, of Rodmel; the person was taken up on the information of his wife, who made two pies of the stolen goose, but owing to some disagreement on the subject, refused to bake them; whereupon the busband turned cook, but while he attending the business of the oven, his

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consciencious rib went to Mr. Saxby, and impeached him of the theft, with a view, as she says, of giving a timely check to bis pilfering habits, by subjecting him to a small punishment, the smart of which might deter him from the commission of higher crimes, and ultimately save him from the gallows!

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ANOTHER CONSIDERATE WIFE. The above, which was forwarded by a Correspondent, forcibly reminds us of a similar incident which was related in the London Newspapers, two or three years ago. A woman one morning exhibited a complaint before the Sitting Magistrate, at Guildhall, charging her husband with having returned from transportation before the expiration of his sentence. I shall take immediate cognizance of your information, said the worthy Magistrate; but are you aware of the consequence, that if the fact prove as you refose Iris life. I profess not to know any present it to be, your husband will certainly thing about the law," rejoined the woman, "I only wish, whatever it may be, that it may take its course!"

ALARMING COMPLAINTS.-In an increas

ing dropsy, those two inveterate enemies, public taxes, and private luxury.—In a galloping consumption—private fortune and quack medicines.

JEU DE MOT.-In a recent Number of the

Quarterly Review, Sir W. ADAMS is objurgated for the frequency of "the pronoun of the first person." It is a singular complaint against an Oculist, says the Chronicle, that he pays too much attention to I's.

SPANISH WIT.-The renowned Sir. JOHN

DowNIE, who made his military debut as a
partizan of General MIRANDA, has since un-
sheathed his patriotic sword in behalf of " the
beloved FERDINAND," by whom he is highly
esteemed. The worthy Knight being an
esteemed.
eminent dealer in Merino Sheep, his Majesty,

in addition to his former decorations, has
conferred on him the appropriate Order of
the Golden Fleece.

LITERARY TASTE.-A miserable scribbler once recited a Poem of his own composing to the celebrated Persian Poet Giami. "Ob"the singular merit of this serve," said he, composition; I have omitted the letter elif throughout." "I perceive it," answered Giani," and I only wish you had omitted all the others."-(D’Herbelot.)

ENGLISH LAW.-To break into a dwelling house of a particular description, is a capital crime; to break into one of another descripTo force one's hand through tion, is not so. a pane of glass at five o'clock in the afternoon, in winter, to take out any thing that lies in the window, is a burglary, and liable to capital punishment, even if nothing be taken out; but to break open a house at four o'clock in the morning, in summer, is only a misdemeanour. To steal fruit ready gather

ed is a felony, but to gather it yourself, (by which you may get it fresher,) and steal it, is only a a trespass.

Moral Pieces.

RAMBLE OF & BENEVOLENT MAN.

Fir bonus est qui prodest quibus potest, nocet nemini.

SIR,

The weather was remarkably serene, and I resolvel to leave my book-room to enjoy the ver nal season. I walked carelessly from field to field, regaled with the sweet smells which arose from the new-nown hay, and cheered by every appearance of plenty and tranquillity. Exter nal objects have a powerful effect in soothing the mind of man. I found myself sympathiz ing with the appearance of happiness around me. Every ruder passion was fulled to rest, my heart glowed with benevolence, and I enjoyed for a short time a state of perfect felicity.

As I roamed without any settled purpose, my feet carried me to the city. Curiosity led me with the crowd into the Sessions House; and as I had just left a beautiful scene in which all was peace, I could not but be particularly struck with the contrast of the present noise and tumult. I heard two trials, in one of which a wretch was convicted of murder, and in the other a cause was in debate which appeared to involve great numbers in the crimes of frand and perjury. The altercation of the pleaders, and the prevarication of the witnes scs, contributed to complete a scene by no means adapted to inspire exalted ideas of hu

man nature.

I hastily left the place, when to my mortification, I found, that in the very court of justice I had been robbed of my watch and handkerchief. While I was lamenting my loss, and encouraging some sentiments, perhaps rather too unfavourable to my species, I was suddenly involved in a crowd, collected with eager curiosity to see two hackney coachmen terminate a dispute by the exertion of their strength in single combat. The parties were nearly equal, and terrible was the conflict. The blows resounded at a great distance, and presently I beheld them both covered with blood and dirt; shocking figures to the imagination. The spectators expressed no wish that the combatants might be separated; but seemed delighted when a violent blow took place, and disappointed when it was spent in air. I wished to interfere and promote an amicable adjustment of the matter in dispute; but I found my efforts ineffectual. I ventured to propose the separation of the poor creatures who were thus cruelly bruising each other, to a jolly butcher, six feet high, aud three feet broad, but he gave

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me an indignant look, and threatened to knock me down if I dared to interpose. I found, indeed, that the combat afforded exquisite pleasure to the crowd. Some rubbed their hands with glee, some silently grinned, while others vociferated words of encouragement, and others skipped for joy. Great pleasures are, however, of no long duration, and this amusement was terminated by one of the combatants ceasing to rise, on receiving a violent stroke on his left temple. Down he fell, and the ground shook under him; and though he attempted three times to rise, he was unable to effect his purpose; and the whole circle agreed that he was as dead as a door nail. The conqueror had ouly lost three of his fore teeth and one eye, and all agreed that he had acquitted himself like a The crowd, which had been so much delighted with the fray, no sooner saw it concluded,than, with looks of disappointment, they began to disperse. I took the opportunity of examining the state of the vanquished party, and found him still alive, though almost in need of the means which are used by the humane society to accomplish his complete revival. An officious acquaintance hastened to his assistance with a dram of brandy, which contributed greatly to accelerate his recovery. He no sooner rose than he poured forth a volley of dreadful imprecations on his limbs, which had already suffered extremely Instead of thanking me or any of the spectators who had endeavoured to restore him, he swore if we did not stand out of his way he would fell us to the ground. We readily gave way, when the hero, putting on his clothes, walked away, turned down an alley, and was seen by us no more.

My reflections on this scene were such as tended to the degradation of my species; and not being in very good spirits, I determined to enter a coffee-house, and seek amusement by a perusal of the newspapers. I sat down, and happened to cast my eye over the last column, which consisted in nothing but narratives of rapes, robberies, and murders. Though I knew that this was not at all uncommon, and that every day's paper of intelligence could furnish something of a similar history, yet being in a melancholy mood, I was particularly struck by it; and hastily laying down the paper, and paying for my dish of coffee, I put on my hat, and resolved to walk to my little rural retirement about four miles from this turbulent

scene.

As I walked along, I could not help calling to mind, with sentiments of extreme regret, the pleasing ideas with which I had set out in the morning. All was then tranquillity and benevolence. But I had seen, in the space of a few hours only, such pictures of human misery and perverseness, as could not but occasion uneasiness in a mind not utterly destitute of sympathy.

Surely, said I, Nature, or the God of Nature, never intended that man should be so degraded. It is passion which deforms the beauty of the

moral world; it is wickedness and the neglect of religion which renders man more miserable than the brute, who is happy in his insensibility. What then can I think of those writers who argue in defence of immorality, and against revelation? What of those governors of the world, who bestow no attention in preserving the morals of the common people, and encouraging the teachers of such doctrines as conduce to the raising ofthe reptile man from the voluntary abasement in which his evil inclina tions are able to involve him? Let the magistrate, the clergy, the rich and powerful of every occupation, whose example is irresistible, exert themselves in diffusing virtuous principles and practices among the people at large. Such benevolence, more beneficial than all pecuniary bounty, considered only as preventing temporal misery, causes man to approach nearer to his benignant Maker than any other conduct. To that Maker, said I, let those who have charity apply themselves in prayer for the diminution of evil of all kinds, and the extension of happiness and peace.

I was musing on such subjects when I found myself at the door of my little cottage. The evening was beautiful. The clouds in the west wore variegated with colours, such as no pencil has yet been able to imitate. My garden breathed odours, and displayed the bloom of shrubs, such as might adorn the Elysian fields of the poets. All conspired to restore the tranquillity of the morning; and when I retired to rest, my spirits being compo ed, I soon sunk into a sweet sleep, pleasingly interrupted in the morning by a dream, which as it appeared to have some connexion with the ideas which I had entertained in the day, I shall relate.

I thought I was on a large plain covered over with flocks of innumerable sheep. They appeared to straggle without a guide. Many had their fleeces torn by brambles, some were lost in a barren wilderness, others were pursued by wolves, and not a few were constantly engaged in annoying each other with their horns. There was a general bleating in a tone expressive of great distress. I pitied the poor creatures, but saw no hopes of affording them relief, till I turned my eyes to the castern part of the plain, when I beheld a venerable shepherd with his crook, inviting the sleep into a fold, through which ran a delightful stream of clear water. Many rushed in, and began to drink with avidity. The alteration in their appearance was in the highest degree pleasing. The lambs played about without any fear of the wolf, and the sheep lay and basked in the sunshine, or sought refreshment iu the cool shade. The shepherd's looks were benevolent beyond expression. He made use of every enticement to bring the sheep into the fold, bnt many would not hear his voice, and some seemed to hear it, but perversely ran away from him. I saw those who were so unhappy as to refuse to enter, perish miserably by falling from rocks, by famine, by the violence of the wolf, and by disease. I turned from the painful prospect to

see the good shepherd and his fold; and I thought, at the close of the day, he led the sheep into a green pasture, the verdure and fertility of which was encreased by the gentle river which flowed through the middle of it.

I was so delighted with the scene, that I was going to call out to the shepherd in an extacy of joy, when I awoke.

I could not but lament the absence of so pleasing a vision; but the avocations and necessities of life called me from my bed, which I left with resolutions of devoting the rest of my life to the alleviation of evil, wherever I should find it, and to the securing of his favour who can lead ine from the vale of misery to the waters of comfort and the fountain of life. I am, Sir, your's, &c.

A CONTEMPLATIVE RAMBLER.

Old English Poetry.

[We purpose making occasional selections under this head from the almost obsolete and forgotten Works of ancient eminent Writers, and thereby afford the curious and critical Reader an opportunity of weighing the comparative beauties and merits of ancient and modern Pocsy. With respect to the Verses of Queen Elizabeth, however, we suspect that little else can now be gratified by the perusal of them than mere curiosity.]

VERSES BY QUEEN ELIZABETH.

I grieve, and dare not shew my discontent,
I love, and yet am fore'd to seem to hate;
I do, yet dare not say I ever meant,

I seem stark mute, but inwardly do prate:

I am, and not, I freeze, and yet am burn'd, Since from myself, my other self I turn'd. My care is like my shadow in the sun,

Stands and lies by me, does what I have done,
Follows me flying, flies when I pursue it;

This too familiar care does make me rue it.

No means I find to rid him from my breast,
Till by the end of things it be suppress'd.
Some gentler passions slide into my mind,
For I am soft, and made of melting snow;
Or be more cruel, Love, and so be hind,
Let me, or float or sink, be high or low,

Or let me live with some more sweet content,
Or die, and so forget what love e`er meant.
(Signed) "FINIS, ELIZA. REGINA,
upon Moun-s departure." Ashmol.
Mus. MSS. 6969, (781) p. 142.*

* If these lines are genuine, they are extremely curious, as presenting us with a lively picture of the workings of a great mind on an interesting occasion; and they serve to ascertain a fact which does not appear to have been much noticed by months was not without its effect, and that the historians, that an habitual intercourse of three Queen felt strong emotions of regret for that denial, which she was perhaps under the necessity

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FROM DR. KING'S POEMS, p. 139.

Like to the falling of a star,
Or as the flights of eagles are;
Or like the fresh spring's gaudy hue;
Or silver drops of morning dew;
Or like a wind that chafes the flood;
Or bubbles which on waters stood:
Even such is man, whose borrow'd light
Is strait call'd in, and paid to-night.

The wind blows out; the bubble dies ;
The spring entomb'd in autumn lies;
The dew dries up; the star is shoi:
The flight is past, and man forgot.

Puns, etc.

QUESTION AND ANSWER. A parishioner enquired of his Pastor the meaning of this line in Scripture he was cloth'd with curses as with a garment." "It signifies (replied the Divine) that the individual had got a habit of swearing."

THE SNUFF-Box.-A Gentleman, on handing round his snuff-box, remarked that it had been in his family a hundred years; upon which one of the company, taking a pinch, observed, that it was the first time he had taken snuif from a century (sentry) box.

A LACK OF WIT.-Mr. Corry, being one evening in the boxes of Drury Lane, a Gentleman behind him was very troublesome in his noisy observations, and false attempts at wit.--"Why, you measure out your wit wholesale," said a person at hand. "True, Sir, (said Mr. Corry) the Gentleman measures his wit as, in the East, they do rupees-by the lack.”

A SUBSTANTIAL MEAL.-A young man, boasting of his health and constitutional stamina, very lately, in the hearing of Wewitzer, the player, was asked to what he chiefly attributed so great a happiness? "To what, Sir!-to laying in a good foundation, to be sure. make it a point, Sir, to eat a good deal every morning." "Then, I presume, Sir, (remarked Wewitzer) you usually breakfast in a timber yard."

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A CATCH-A musical Gentleman, while performing, was arrested by two bailiffs, who requested him to join them in a trio.—“I should rather imagine (said the unfortunate Gentleman) you wish for a catch." A Gentleman

PHYSIOGNOMY DECEITFUL.

presenting, familiarly, Mr. Penn, the pedes trian, to a Lady of his acquaintance, "Madam, (said he) this is the queer Penn, that walked against Danvers Butler, and he is not so great a tool as he looks to be."-"Madam, (answered Penn) there lies the difference between him and me."

WORST METHOD OF HANGING.-Various are the ways of hanging; but I am of opinion, that that, known by the word dependance, is the worst of all. If I must be hanged, let me be hanged with as little torture as possible.

Satire.

ON A FAT MAN.

If fat men ride, they tire the horse,
And if they walk, themselves-that's worse;
Travel at all, they are at best,
Either oppressors—or opprest.

ON A CELEBRATED PHYSICIAN,

WHO THOUGH NOT A GOOD SHOT, WAS A GREAT SHOOTER.

Doctor-all game you either ought to shun,
Or sport no longer with th' unsteady gun:
But, like Physicians of undoubted skill;
Gladly attempt what never fails to kill;
Not lead's uncertain drop, but physic's deadly
pill.

ON A STUPID FELLOW.

You ask by what means so stupid a Sot

Could the rank of a Major obtain?
The answer is easy--he has a good Vote;
Which supplies all defects in the brain,

CONSOLATION FOR NEGLECTED BARDS,

In vain for present fame you wish,

Your person first must be forgotten;
For poets are like stinking fish-

They never shine till they are rotten.

UPON A CERTAIN LORD's GIVING SOME THOUSANDS FOR A HOUSE

BY MR. GARRICK.

So many thousands for a house

For you-of all the world-Lord Mouse! A little house would best accord,

With you, my very little Lord;

And then exactly match'd would be

Your house and hospitality.

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To A GENTLEMAN WHO COMPLAINED
OF HAVING LOST HIS GOLD WATCH.

Fret not, my friend, or peevish say
Your fate is worse than common;
For Gold takes wings, and flies away,
And Time willstay for no man.

To MR.

ON RECEIVING A BLANK LETTER FROM HIM ON THE
FIRST OF APRIL.

I pardon, Sir, the trick you've play'd me,
When an April Fool you made me;

Since one day only I appear,

What you, alas! do all the year.

Scraps.

A MODERN BEAU SPEAKING OF HIMSELF. I am an adept in all the delightful follies of fashion: lead the mode, and make those dear whims, which are ridiculous in others, graceful and captivating in me. I am in debt to all the town; in love with all the women; envied by all the men; stared at by the world; laughed at by the little; imitated by the great; hated by the awkward; and hooted by the mob. I have ruined fifty tradesmen, and five Jews. Nay, I have been ruined myself these three years, and I live in as high a style as ever.Sitting or standing, riding or walking, I do every thing with grace. See me take out my handkerchief, put on my gloves, pick up a fan, present a bouquet, dangle in my chair, loll in my chariot; the most trifling actions are made Nay, I even sleep interesting by my manner. like a Gentleinan. Women think me irresistible. I have a smile for one, a nod for another, a wink for a third, a hem and how do you do for a fourth, and she who gets a squeeze of the hand from me thinks herself in heaven.

BUSINESS OF A NEWSPAPER WRITER. “Ehove it in my power, Sir, to appoint you to a very good situation on a Newspaper. It will not be very laborious, and you will receive three guineas a week." Jam muchindebted to you, ·Indeed, (replied I;) but, pray, may I enquire what is the nature of the employment?""Oh! (said he, with a gesture of indifference) that which every fashionable newspaper requires. You will merely have to write paragraphs-abuse, and turn every thing that certain public characters do, whether right or wrong, into ridicule-to puff players, playwriters, and managers, if they come down; if not, cut them up. Lastly, to visit the haunts of servants, to sift them, and then to make paragraphs of their master's private concerns. Nothing so easy-nothing else so well." While he spoke, my blood boiled with indig nant passion. Sir, (aid I, when he had ended) I am not reduced to such necessity, as

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to make me overlook every principle of honour, and descend to obsain a livelihood by such villainous means."*

*To the disgrace of a large portion of the fashionable world, no paper will now pass current amongst them that does not contain such vile trumpery as fashionable news.

THE MAN OF FASHION, OR WORLDLY INSIN

CERITY.

Mr. Plausible was a man of the most winning address, of a handsome figure, pasy manners, a great deal of wit, and a thorough knowledge of life; but he was dissipated, extravagant, fond of play, and a courtier. Happening to pay a visit one morning to my friend Mr. Plausible, I was shewn into his study; when, taking up an old masquerade ticket, I accidentally observed my own name among some memorandums on the back of it, which naturally enough excited my curiosity to read the contents; they were as follows, and pretty well express the sentiments of a man of the world:

MEM-My Wife-keep her in the countrya bit of a scold.

MEM.-My Grandmother-Five per cent. annuities aged 87-what's the odds for next winter?

MEM.-Mr. Deputy Mushroom-gives good dinners-at five precisely.

- goodMEM.-Jack Ready, merchant natured fellow-do occasionally to discount a bill, or borrow cash-call pretty often.

MEM.-Bill Greenhorn-has a cottage near town-do in summer-god cakehouse.

MEM.-The Author-get orders-Mrs. Plausible loves a play-amuses wife and children. MEM.-Bob Useful-a good-natured fellow rather sofa good errand-boy.

MEM.- Mr. Broudeloth-the tailor-gives long credit-I shall employ him-good bail upon an occasion.

MEM.-Peter Punster-ask him to dinner with the next party.

MEM.-Bob Chorus-sings a good song— will do when he's wanted.

MEM.-Sim. Quibble-a lawyer-as little to do with him as possible.

MEM.-Abraham Spintect-the parsonlikes good living-not much use to any body. MEM.-Peter Gallipot-employ him as seldom as possible, and always throw away his physic.

I had scarcely finished these entertaining and liberal meniorandums, when the Man of the World entered, as I was putting the card out of my haad: he did not appear at all confused at what he beheld, but very kindly relieved me from my embarrassment by taking up the tablet of Mems. that now lay on the table, and, putting it into my hand, "There, (cried he) look at this, 'twill amuse you infinitely; you see I'm a bit of an author; most of them family likenesses. My dear fellow, what would I give for your talents, that I might distinguish and honour the good, and ridicule.

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