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SECTION XXXV.

OF FOOLS WHO GO TO LAW FOR TRIFLES.

Cum licet fugere, ne quære litem.

THE fool, who doth at trifles claw;
And to obtain 'em goes to law :
Yet, having met with sad disaster,
Applies to heal it, blister plaister.
The remedy near fails to stick
Upon his head, so wond'rous thick.
For, if with law you once begin,
"Twill strip the poor man to the skin :

Time hath been when this nation was priest ridden, but now we are law ridden. Not that the professional gentlemen are so much to blame; for it is their province to exist on the folly of others: and if mankind will squabble about straws, lawyers are in the right to profit by their want of reason. As for my own part, I perfectly agree with the old French proverb, "Bon avocat, mauvais voisin ;" and will endeavour to profit by the advice,

And from the rich alike will steal
Enough to make the client feel.

while it shall please Heaven to make me a sojourner on this side of the grave. Merciful powers! How much do I feel pity for that fool who, as Butler saith,

Believes no voice t'an organ,

So sweet as lawyer's in his bar gown ;
Until, with subtle cobweb cheats,

They're catch'd in knotted law, like nets :
In which, when once they are imbrangled,
The more they stir, the more they're tangled:
And, while with purses can dispute,

There's no end of th' immortal suit.

In the rolls of parliament, A. D. 1445, is a petition from the commons of two counties, showing, that the number of attorneys had increased from eight to twentyfour, whereby the peace of those counties had been greatly interrupted by suits: the commons, therefore, petitioned that it may be ordained, that there shall be no more than six common attorneys for Norfolk, six for Suffolk, and two for the city of Norwich. Any other person, acting as an attorney, to forfeit 20s. They granted the prayer of the petition, provided the judges thought it reasonable!

Widow Blackacre, in Wycherley's excellent comedy of The Plain Dealer, is a most finished picture of this species of folly; neither can the writer refrain from noticing the anecdote of a noble peer, who complained to a

L

Just like the sheep that, in a storm,
Sought 'neath the hedge a covert warm;
And there, from rain and wind defended,
He waited till the storm was ended;
Then bleated out a thousand thanks,

And bounded blithe to sunny banks :
But found, though shelter'd from the wind,
Part of his fleece was left behind.

Thus, bramble like, we find that law,
When once a fool gets in its jaw,

"

friend, that he had a blood horse so excessively spirited, as to defy all attempts at breaking in; and that no place was sufficiently strong to contain him. "Say not so: replied the gentleman, " do you but put him in the Court of Chancery, and I'll be bound he will never get out again." Alexander Stevens, in his Lecture on Heads, used also to relate the facetious story of Bullam versus Boatum, which was a very fair sarcasm on this kind of legal warfare for no country can boast more obstinacy and folly, on litigious points, than my own native island. Le litti non generanto, mai amicizia.

The subjoined paragraph will, it is conceived, prove a further elucidation of the poet's meaning:

The following was copied from the New Jersey Journal: "To be sold, on the 8th of July, 131 suits in law, the property of an eminent attorney, about to retire from business. Note, the clients are rich and obstinate!"

Though from the theft he saves his coat, "Twill steal the pound*, and leave the groat.

* If, previous to a consultation with an attorney, a man would give a few moments to calm reflection, he would frequently save, not only his property, but what is far more valuable, his peace of mind: for, in the course of legal investigations, it is astonishing how many unforeseen circumstances the parties have to encounter ; what with witnesses being fooled by counsel, or having rather deaf consciences, and juries swayed by prejudice, or the glib tongue of the pleader, it becomes a very dubious point, even in the clearest case, who will come off the victor and it also very frequently happens that the vanquished, unable to pay expenses, surrenders himself to a gaol, leaving the gainer to liquidate all costs, and solace himself with the imprisonment of his adversary; who, after a period, calls upon him for the daily stipend of sixpence; in failure of the payment of which the plaintiff gives the defendant his liberty.

:

For witnesses, like watches, go

Just as they're set, too fast or slow,

And where, in conscience, th' are strait-lac'd,

'Tis ten to one that side is cast.

Do not your juries give their verdict,

As if they felt the cause, not heard it?
And, as they please, make matter of fact
Run all on one side, as they're packt?
Nature has made man's breast no windores,
To publish what he does within doors.

L'ENVOY OF THE POET.

Take special care; nor cavil thus for naught: For, though a favourable verdict's giv❜n; Thou'lt own revenge, though sweet, is dearly bought,

To find thyself and poverty just even.

THE POET'S CHORUS TO FOOLS.

Come, trim the boat, row on each Rara Avis, Crowds flock to man my Stultifera Navis.

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