one prepared for me, and the poor mother told me, with many apologies, and much embarrassment, that she could not offer me any other room, nor find room for her children elsewhere. "Don't mention it," said I, "it is of no sort of consequence ;" and she left me to attend to her duties below. It was, indeed, a heart-sickening scene upon which I cast my eyes;-carpets torn and soiled, spread out to look their longest and widest, and the bed adorned with shabby finery which had no doubt been splendid in the first days of wedlock; but all things the reverse of comfortable, dwindled into insignificance when compared with what I anticipated of the wide bed, with its three inmates, and the consequent disturbance of my morning hours. I must spend my time. I said that my object in coming to town was to make painting my profession, and I was then permitted to lock the door of my chamber for the day. with many charges to shut up my valuables for the night. CHAPTER XII. My picture proceeded slowly, for I had nothing to copy, and was not quite so skilful a performer as false friends and flattery had once induced me to believe. Still it did proceed. There was a visible line of demarkation between the heavens and the earth, and an old castle with a group of trees were beninning to emerge from chaos. My hopes rose with the clothing of the foliage, but not quite in proportion to the cost of the ultramarine which I spent upon the sky. It was worth a great deal to me, under present circumstances, to have an object from which I could derive a ray of hope, however small, and more and more rays were daily emanating from my picture. Bright visions of future aggrandizement rose upon me. Generosity stood forth in distant perspective, and I began to calculate upon the precise time when, after receiving the reward of my labours, I should place in the hands of Mrs. Wilson at least twice the sum upon which we had agreed for a month's lodging. My temper grew sweeter as my spirits were enlivened. I forgave my cousin Jane; I played at bo-peep with my companions in the morning, rose early to catch a view of my performance in the first light of day, and even permitted a little fellow, whom I had singled out as my favourite, to remain in the room with me while I was at work, provided he sat still upon the floor, and did not touch. My meditations were interrupted by the little trio themselves appearing, so clean and merry, that I could not find in my heart to wish them elsewhere, especially after I had asked myself what right I had to come into their sleeping-room and wish them out of it. The next day was one of as much repose as this family were ever permitted to enjoy ; but late going to bed, late rising, all the children to dress and keep clean in their Sundayclothes, with only one servant, made it seem not much like repose to me. It was, indeed, no day of rest. The father dressed his eldest boy in tight jacket and blue cap, and walked off with him to church; the servant followed, and the mother cooked and nursed alternately all the morning, adorned herself in a little finery for the afternoon, and nursed again. I had no occupation but that of making myself a favourite with the children, which I did so effectually that I never could shake off their turbulent familiarity again. When I went up stairs half a dozen were dragging at my skirts; and when I came down, they jumped upon me from the banisters. I complained, but Mrs. Wilson never Like all favourites, he used his prerogative took my part; she smiled, and was glad, at first with moderation. On the second day poor woman, to see them happy and not at I was obliged to enforce the law of not touchher expense. ing; on the third I had to insist upon his beThis, however, was not the way in which ing quiet; and on the fourth was compelled to make a new law, that, if he rose from the floor, he should be dismissed altogether. It was a dull thing to sit still upon the floor, which nothing but the idea of its being a privilege could have reconciled; but little Jemmy was permitted to have a long piece of string, and he made the most of that. My picture was nearly completed, and really, when there was no other to compare it with, looked, I thought, very tolerable. A few strong touches were yet to be given, bold and productive of great effect. I advanced -retreated-applied the finishing stroke, and retreated again; when crash went the whole fabric in hopeless and irrevocable ruin on the floor, overwhelming, amongst disjointed fragments, the mischievous author of it, whose busy fingers, after tying the string to the foot of the easel, had pulled it away with a sudden jerk. That a painting never falls to the ground without the freshly smeared surface being downwards is just as worthy of remark, as that the fall of bread and butter is attended with the same fatality; a fact, the truth of which every school-boy will stand forward to attest. My picture was no exception to the general rule; and Mrs. Wilson's carpet being of too frail a texture to be ever shaken, the case was a desperate one indeed. There was nothing for me to do, but to commence my labours afresh. Little Jemmy was dismissed now and for ever. My spirits sunk, my temper failed me on the slightest provocation, and nothing but the idea that I was eating bread which I had no right to call my own, could have supported me through the wearisome task of completing another picture. Another, however, was completed in time, and I set off on a tour of observation through the streets of London, to see what place would be most likely to receive so precious a deposit. I was not long in fixing, and with my last five shillings in my pocket, hired a hackney coach, and went forth to make my fortune in a flourishing establishment at the West End. Finding everything here conducted on a magnificent scale, and thinking my best plan would consequently be to assume a character of importance, I asked for some costly engravings, and looking at them with the air of one who is very much disposed to purchase, but has some trifling reason for not purchasing just now, I took out my purse, concealing the empty end, and paid three shillings for a worthless article, as if money was so plentiful with me, that I could afford to throw it away. After spending some time in this manner, I caught the quick eye of one who held a place of authority in the establishment; and who seeing a well-dressed lady disposed to trifle away her time and money, thought I must be worthy of his most polite attentions, while stretching himself forward with an ineffable smile, he laid before me rich costly books in splendid bindings, and picturesah! how unlike to mine! A group of gentlemen were lounging in one corner of the shop, reading the newspapers, and turning over the trifles of the day. One glance at the idle party made me retreat to the farthest distance to transact my business with Mr. Bond. I know not what I said, nor how I made my meaning understood; but he must have been well acquainted with such meaning to understand it all. I can only recollect a dreadful sense of suffocation in my throat, and the fall of the man's countenance when he opened out my picture, and held it this way and that, to receive some flattering light by which one touch of merit might be revealed. "Ten guineas" was marked upon it as the price, but he chose to read "ten shillings," declaring it was quite too much. "Indeed we have no sale whatever for such things as these," he added, returning it to me, and glancing impatiently towards more profitable customers. I still waited, for I was too much stupified to move. Whether Mr. Bond for once felt a touch of pity I know not, but he took up the picture, which I had let drop beside me on the floor, and condescended to point out some of its defects. "It wants," said he, flourishing his hand over it, with an air that implied its want of everything but paint," it wants sweetness -it wants repose." "It may well want repose," I exclaimed. "If you knew where it had been painted—” in want, was perpetually to be the bane of my happiness; and that my necessities were never to be relieved without my difficulties at the same time being increased. I made one effort to express my thanksthanks which I did not feel. I tried, for one moment, to be nothing but what I really was-the poor woman receiving the price of her honest labours; but I could not so far forget my former self. The remembrance of Lady Moira rose before me in overwhelm "That is no concern of ours, ma'am None in the world. The public have nothing to do with that." And he spread forth his hands, as if in the act of driving me out, advancing every step that I receded, and opening the door most willingly for my exit. "You had better take the painting, ma'am ; ing majesty. I was once more Caroline we can do nothing with it here." Irvine, with all her vanity, and all her little "You can burn it, I suppose," said I, and ness, and had accepted the offer of Sir turned away. Charles to escort me home, before I reflected what a home was mine. I scarcely knew where I was going. Every object swam before my eyes, and I felt as lonely in that crowded street as if I had been a pilgrim wandering across the great desert. It is under this kind of bewilderment amongst the busy multitudes of the thickly peopled city, that the last attack of cruelty is generally made upon the miserable-an attack upon his purse; but the lightness of mine would have greatly mitigated the pain of losing it; and fearless of anything being added to my sufferings, I was pursuing my uncertain way, when suddenly my sleeve was touched, and a young man from the shop, almost breathless with haste, asked me to step back, saying that a gentleman had purchased the painting. "Who is the gentleman ?" I asked. The young man did not know, but said he had been standing by while I was talking with his master, and had heard all we said. "Whoever he may be, I must thank him," I exclaimed; and when Mr. Bond with great formality laid the ten guineas before me, I begged to be permitted to see my benefactor, if possible. With my heart overflowing with gratitude, I followed him into an adjoining room, where Sir Charles Moira advanced to meet me with his blandest smiles. How was it that I could be thankful no more, that I longed to return the money, and would willingly have been pennyless again? It seemed as if money, of which I was always Ah! would we but reserve our shame and our embarrassment for that which is really disgraceful and perplexing, what burning blushes, what bitter tears we might be spared! I had none but a straightforward path to pursue. A few words of candid explanation would have revealed my simple story, and made it the last wish of Sir Charles to continue my acquaintance; but the best (I would have persuaded myself the only) time for explanation was now over; and we were pursuing our way together, I knew not to what place, nor cared, so long as it was not to that little shop, through which we must have entered had he taken me to my present home. The morning was fine, and when my companion proposed that we should see some of the wonders of the place. I had little inclination to refuse, because I should thus enjoy a few more hours of his society, and put off that most dreaded, the hour of return. From one exhibition we passed on to another. Conversation never flagged. Sir Charles was more delightful than ever, and I rattled on with that desperate gaiety which is but a poor substitute for wretchedness. There is no liberty like that of a vast city -no security from observation like that of being one of the multitude. Sir Charles had now nothing to fear from his lady mother, and I was a hundred miles distant from my cousin Jane. These hours, which I vainly tried to persuade myself were happy, flew swiftly on, and my behaviour had rendered it more difficult for me each succeeding moment to speak the whole truth. My companion had been too polite to hint at the affair of the picture, and I had ever since the morning, acted the lady so completely, that he must either have doubted the pecuniary dilemma which his own eyes had witnessed, or despised me for my affectation and inconsistency from the bottom of his heart. Most probably he did the latter. Indeed, had he done otherwise than despise me, he would not have attempted as he did, to lead me on from one place to another, until the day was far spent, beguiling the time with professions of admiration more ardent than are ever inspired by respect. Women would do well to judge by this rule, of the estimation in which they are held by those whose right province is to protect them from harm and danger. It is impossible that a gentleman should be ignorant of those niceties of conduct, by which the purity and dignity of woman's character is preserved; and if he do but whisper a proposition for her to sacrifice the very smallest of these for any purpose whatever, even for his own sake, the case is a clear and decided one, that he thinks meanly of her to suppose that she will listen to his request, and that his regard for her is not such as to make him solicitous to maintain the beauty of her unsullied name. dressed stepped forth, emerging from the darkness of a November evening, into the brilliant light of the theatre. Sir Charles, without a word of parley led me in. I knew not at first where he was taking me, and when I discovered, my remonstrances were too feeble to induce him to return; and, in a few moments I was seated beside him in the broad glare of a thousand lights. I had now time to think, and with a full sense of my situation, there rushed upon my mind such an overwhelming conviction of the absurdity and imprudence of my conduct through this day, that I neither listened to the music, nor heeded the spirited performance which called forth from lighter hearts than mine, unbounded applause. My past life had been an idle one, vanity its moving spring, and folly its ruling star; but I had never completely sacrificed my self-respect till now; and many were the tears I dashed away from my eyes this night to look at the brilliant scenes, and the brighter beauties of the stage, which my gay companion whispered in my ear, were less lovely than myself. I believe half the sins that stain the record of woman's life owe their origin to criminal weakness, rather than criminal design. I use the harsh word criminal, because that weakness deserves no better name, which is encouraged and yielded to without any appeal to an higher power for the support which is mercifully promised to the feeble. The falsehood that is told from fear, wears The sum of my folly was now nearly com-less the appearance of depravity than that pleted, and I gravely insisted upon returning home alone. "Alone! impossible !" which is told solely with a wish to deceive; but the falsehood that is wrung from terror is just as likely to be supported by other "Be kind enough to order me a coach, and falsehoods, and to draw after it an equal I shall go very safely." "But not alone," he repeated with a look that startled me, and I walked on again in silence, pondering on my dilemma. We were approaching one of the theatres-a celebrated performer was to delight the world that night. Carriages were rolling up, delivering their precious burdens, and then making way for others. Ladies richly train of guilt and shame. So, the slightest error knowingly persisted in, and followed up by its natural and inevitable consequences may become morally as culpable as the grossest vice. How watchful, then, should all weak creatures be of the first false step, never risking, the slightest deviation under the presumptuous hope that they may have strength to return. It was my weakness rather than my de- ceitfulness of her own fancy would be perpravity which made me shrink from disclos-petually leading her astray, had not that ing to Sir Charles the exact state of my cir- warning beacon been lighted, by which alone cumstances and situation. This weakness we are able to perceive and shun had first plunged me into difficulties from which I had not sufficient rectitude and moral courage to extricate myself. At every step I had become more involved, and each succeeding moment now found me more wretched than the last. The scene closed, the curtain fell, and rude voices from the galleries had vociferated their last applause, when I rose to depart. Silent, speechless, and sad, I leaned upon the arm of Sir Charles, who no doubt attributed the change in my manner to the prospect of being so soon deprived of the irresistible fascination of his society. His voice became more gentle, his behaviour more tender, and his looks more meaning, every thing that could be done he did to mitigate the pain of losing him; and I found, when it was too late to save myself from his contempt, the necessity of making some exertion to preserve the little independence I had left. Springing into the coach he had sent for, I insisted upon being alone; but he was at my side in a moment, and the driver waited for his orders. I remonstrated, but I had voluntarily given up my own dignity, and a lady has nothing else to defend her. It is in vain attempting to persuade the man for whom she has made this sacrifice, that he has not unlimited power over her heart. There is no alternative, but either to submit to his society and his civilities whenever he chooses to impose them upon her, or to pique his vanity, and irritate his temper by obstinate rudeness, and then he may revenge himself upon her reputation, by representing her folly in such a light that the world will give it a harsher name. No! there is no way for a woman to escape more wretchedness than any female heart can bear, but by walking humbly before her God, and trusting solely to his guidance through the mazes of her difficult path, where the snares of the world, and the de "The thousand paths that slope the way to sin." The vanity of Sir Charles was beyond the reach of attack: his temper was immoveable, and the driver still waited for his orders. "To the City," I said, in too low a tone for him to hear, and Sir Charles was obliged to repeat my words. "To what part of it?" I named a street adjoining that in which my friends lived, somewhat broader and less filled with trade, and then shrinking back into a corner of the carriage, listened in sullen silence, to the most flattering asseverations, which now delighted me no more. Arrived at the street I had mentioned, I was asked for the name and the number, and whether they were on the door. I stretched my head out of the window as if to look for the place, and then told the man in plain words, so that he might hear and Sir Charles might not, that it was a grocer's shop I wanted, and the name Wilson. It was quickly found. A thundering knock awoke my host and half his children. Young cries were heard above, and the moving of heavy bolts below. At last the door was opened by Mr. Wilson, in his night-cap. Sir Charles kissed my hand, and I sprang out of the coach. "Surely," thought I, when my head was once more laid upon my pillow, "the mortifications of this day are enough to cure me of folly for the rest of my life." I forgot that past folly, knowingly persisted in, is sin, and that sin is not removed by the agonies of mortified vanity. I could not sleep. What a long season is the night to those whose hearts are oppressed with misery, and who endure that misery without the consolation of prayer. I did not pray. Had any decided calamity fallen upon me, I should have thought of no other resource; but, like many others suffering |