66

fast falling from her weeping eyes. I asked her afterwards why she wept so freely on that occasion. Why, madam,” she replied, "I wept not so much for you, for I thought you happy, and near the heavenly world, but for your husband and dear little children; and I prayed to God to let me die for you, for nobody would weep for me, if I died. I could not bear the thought that your little children should meet with such a loss." Thanks be to God for that love that is stronger than death. We have become inured to meeting and parting with friends, so we pass on to New Durham circuit; but I make my home in Gardiner. Here may the Lord dwell with me, and make my residence a place of his own habitation.

on.

"My heart thou waterest from on high;

O make it all a pool."

Here I find a small class of the dear friends of ZiO that I may be a blessing to them, and they to me. Add to our numbers, and add to our graces. I travel once round Mr. Newell's circuit, and am ready to say, What has the Lord wrought? Scores, who have professed to have found pardoning mercy, are counted in that region. Decrepit age and little children are seen, and many of the fair blooming youth are numbered amongst them.

"All glory to the dying Lamb,
Who brought salvation near."

July, 1817.

Another year is gone, and I can recount many, of His mercies. The little society around me is dear

to me. Our class and prayer meetings are attended with blessings from on high. My soul enjoys sweet communion with my God, and my little family. We maintain family devotion, and find a family blessing. O Lord, make me like Deborah of old, a mother in Israel.

Again I'am interrupted in my sweet retirement, and settled repose; and consent to move on to the Readfield circuit, and again

"I give my mortal interest up,
And make my God my all."

The Lord is good, and forever be his name adored for what he has done here on this circuit. The work of God is gloriously spreading in different parts of this vicinity, but especially near where I reside in Readfield. Our meetings are most affecting. Songs of joy, and groans of poor deeply wounded sinners, weeping for their sins, are causes which make angels rejoice, and shall my soul be still? Surely not.

"I'll praise him while he lends me breath,
And when my voice is lost in death

Praise shall employ my nobler powers."

And I find no lack of friends when reformation spreads its heavenly banner.

I have travelled round this circuit, and have found my soul not a little affected by what I discover of the state of true religion. O how many sinners remain to be converted to God or perish, and how little concern for their poor souls too many of us, who profess to love God, manifest before a gazing world. I am now removed to my little habitation in

Gardiner, where I again rejoice in a beloved retreat. Here I hope to rest with my little family in peace and tranquillity. The joy, that my dear Christian friends in this place manifest at my return, shows how much they esteem me, and I have a great regard for them. O Lord, reward my benefactors.

June, 1818.

The New England Conference is at Bowman's Point, in Hallowell. I contemplate to attend the preaching, and my desire has been that the Lord would make the sitting of the Conference a blessing to the people, the preachers be filled with the power of the Holy Ghost, and perishing souls experience the salvation of God. O Lord, be with the preachers in conference, give them wisdom from above, that they may be directed aright in all their deliberations, and every preacher's appointment wind up in thy glory and the best welfare of souls. However

trying to nature their charge may be to them, go with them, O Lord, for thou only knowest how hard it is to nature to be an itinerant preacher.-I have attended meeting, and have experienced a blessing. The good Spirit of the Lord, like a cloud, seemed to hang over the people, and drops of mercy, like foretastes of Heaven, were drank up by many, while some, like David, could say, My cup is full-it runs over.

Sabbath. A trying day to me, on account of a new opening for preaching on St. Croix river. A proposal is made by conference for a volunteer, and Mr. Newell wishes to go, if I feel free to go with him; and here is a new trial. I know not what will be for the best.-I am willing he should go,

and have a desire that he should go; but shrink back from accompanying him; for I have had such a scene of sufferings that my feeble nature shrinks at the prospect. I have a comfortable place to live i and my children are with me and tender; and to think of launching out again into the open world, to face the storms, and plunge through mud and snow in those wild regions, and to experience heat and cold, I am ready to say, have me excused, I cannot gn. With these discouragements, I go to meeting, and my love for souls increaseth; and as the cry of those destitute regions sounds louder and louder, my objections give way, and I begin to feel, like one of old, when he saw the miseries of a ruined people, "here am I, send me." After meeting I gave my companion some encouragement.

The conference rises, and Mr. Newell's appointment is St. Croix, and my trials are so great, that he concludes to go and leave me for a while. This da y he has taken leave of us, and his last prayer be fore he started on his journey awoke all the tender feelings of my heart. I am fearful, that by not go ing with him, I have wronged my own soul, and the church of God. I now begin to feel the affli tions of my mind exceedingly heavy. O God, have mercy on me; for my heart is sore pained. Cu tting reflections caused my bowels of compassion to nove, my heart to melt, and my eyes to overflow with a many tears. I will now humble myself before my God, and seek his perfect way.

Sabbath.-This has been a wearisome week to me. I have had but little rest, day nor night, since my companion left home; for I am convinced that it was my duty to go with him, but the path seems toe hedged up with briars and thorns; yet it is the

plain and the right path for me to follow. That vision, which I had in Vermont on my sick bed six years ago, comes fresh into my mind. What were my feelings then, when my Saviour waved his hand, and said to me, "Fanny, go back," and pointed my course to this wilderness world! O how dreary did the earth appear to me then, when in sight of that celestial city, just across the fiery gulf. My feelings are much the same now as they were then. I am concerned lest I do the things I ought not to do, and leave undone the things which I ought to do.

"O let thy Spirit guide my feet,
In ways of righteousness,
Make every path of duty straight
And plain before my face."

Keep me, O thou King of kings, under the shadow of thine Almighty wing.

"So shall my walk be close with God,
Calm and serene my frame;
While purer light shall mark the road,
That leads me to the Lamb."

July 5th. Sabbath.-Attend meeting at Bowman's Point, and after meeting heard that my companion had returned by water from the east. My heart shrunk within me, and my spirit cried out, thou, Lord, hast sent him back to bring this poor dust where she ought to go; for obedience is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams. The long suffering mercy of God teacheth us daily, that he is "not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance."