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Cricket, to Windsor chimnies shalt thou leap: Where fires thou find'st unrak'd, and hearths unswept,
There pinch the maids as blue as bilberry :
Fal. They are fairies; he, that speaks to them, shall die:
I'll wink and couch: no man their works must eye. [Lies down upon his face. Go you, and where you
Eva. Where's Pede?
That, ere she sleep, has thrice her prayers said,
Sleep she as sound as careless infancy;
But those as sleep, and think not on their sins, Pinch them, arms, legs, backs, shoulders, sides, and shins.
Quick. About, about;
Search Windsor-castle, elves, within and out:
And twenty glow-worms shall our lanterns be, To guide our measure round about the tree. But, stay: I smell a man of middle earth.
Fye on sinful fantasy!
Kindled with unchaste desire,
Fed in heart; whose flames aspire,
As thoughts do blow them, higher and higher.
Pinch him, and burn him, and turn him about,
buck's head, and rises.
Ford. Ay, and an ox too; both the proofs are
Fal. And these are not fairies? I was three or four times in the thought, they were not fairies: and yet the guiltiness of my mind, the sudden surprize of my powers, drove the grossness of the foppery into a received belief, in despite of the teeth of all rhyme and reason, that they were fairies. See now, how wit may be made a Jack-a-lent, when 'tis upon ill employment.
Eva. Sir John Falstaff, serve Got, and leave your
Fal. Heavens defend me from that Welch fairy! | desires, and fairies will not pinse you. lest he transform me to a piece of cheese!
Pist. Vile worm, thou wast o'erlook'd even in thy birth.
Ford. Well said, fairy Hugh.
Eva. And leave you your jealousies too, I pray
Ford. I will never mistrust my wife again, till thou art able to woo her in good English.
Fal. Have I laid my brain in the sun, and dried it, that it wants matter to prevent so gross o'erreaching as this? Am I ridden with a Welch goat too? Shall I have a coxcomb of frize? 'Tis time I were choked with a piece of toasted cheese.
Eva. Seese is not good to give putter; your pelly is all putter.
Fal. Seese and putter! have I lived to stand at the taunt of one that makes fritters of English? This is enough to be the decay of lust and latewalking, through the realm.
Mrs. Page. Why, sir John, do you think, though we would have thrust virtue out of our hearts by the head and shoulders, and have given ourselves without scruple to hell, that ever the devil could have made you our delight?
Ford. What, a hodge-pudding? a bag of flax? Mrs. Page. A puffed man?
Page. Old, cold, withered, and of intolerable entrails?
Ford. And one that is as slanderous as Satan? Page. And as poor as Job?
Ford. And as wicked as his wife?
Eva. And given to fornications, and to taverns, and sack, and wine, and metheglins, and to drinkings, and swearings, and starings, pribbles and prabbles?
Fal. Well, I am your theme: you have the start of me; I am dejected; I am not able to answer the Welch flannel: ignorance itself is a plummet o'er me; use me as you will.
Ford. Marry, sir, we'll bring you to Windsor, to one master Brook, that you have cozened of money, to whom you should have been a pander: over and above that you have suffered, I think, to repay that money will be a biting affliction.
Mrs. Ford. Nay, husband, let that go to make amends: Forgive that sum, and so we'll all be friends.
Ford. Well, here's my hand; all's forgiven at last.
Page. Yet be cheerful, knight: thou shalt eat a posset to-night at my house; where I will desire thee to laugh at my wife, that now laughs at thee: Tell her, master Slender hath married her daughter.
Mrs. Page. Doctors doubt that: if Anne Page be my daughter, she is, by this, doctor Caius' wife. [Aside.
Slen. Whoo, ho! ho! father Page!
Page. Son! how now? how now, son? have you despatched?
Slen. Despatched! - I'll make the best in Glocestershire know on't; would I were hanged, la, else. Page. Of what, son?
Slen. I came yonder at Eton to marry mistress Anne Page, and she's a great lubberly boy; If it had not been i' the church, I would have swinged him, or he should have swinged me. If I did not think it had been Anne Page, would I might never stir, and 'tis a post-master's boy.
Page. Upon my life then you took the wrong. Slen. What need you tell me that? I think so, when I took a boy for a girl: If I had been married to him, for all he was in woman's apparel, I would not have had him.
Page. Why, this is your own folly. Did not I tell you, how you should know my daughter by her garments?
Slen. I went to her in white, and cry'd mum, and she cry'd budget, as Anne and I had appointed; and yet it was not Anne, but a post-master's boy. Eva. Jeshu! Master Slender, cannot you see but marry boys?
Page. O, I am vexed at heart: What shall I do? Mrs. Page. Good George, be not angry : I knew of your purpose; turned my daughter into green; and, indeed, she is now with the doctor at the deanery, and there married.
How now, master Fenton ?
Anne. Pardon, good father! good my mother, pardon!
Page. Now, mistress? how chance you went not with master Slender?
Mrs. Page. Why went you not with master doctor, maid?
Fent. You do amaze her: Hear the truth of it.. You would have married her most shamefully, Where there was no proportion held in love. The truth is, she and I, long since contracted Are now so sure, that nothing can dissolve us. The offence is holy, that she hath committed: And this deceit loses the name of craft, Of disobedience, or unduteous title; Since therein she doth evitate and shun A thousand irreligious cursed hours, Which forced marriage would have brought upon
Ford. Stand not amaz'd here is no remedy: In love, the heavens themselves do guide the state; Money buys lands, and wives are sold by fate.
Fal. I am glad, though you have ta'en a special stand to strike at me, that your arrow hath glanced. Page. Well, what remedy? Fenton, heaven give thee joy!
What cannot be eschew'd, must be embrac'd.
Fal. When night-dogs run, all sorts of deer are
Heaven give you many, many merry days!-
Ford. Let it be so :- . Sir John,
To master Brook you yet shall hold your word;
SCENE I. - An Apartment in the Duke's Palace.
O spirit of love, how quick and fresh art thou!
Cur. Will you go hunt, my lord?
Duke. Why, so I do, the noblest that I have : O, when mine eyes did see Olivia first, Methought, she purg'd the air of pestilence; That instant was I turn'd into a hart; And my desires, like fell and cruel hounds, E'er since pursue me.- How now? what news from her?
Lords, Priests, Sailors, Officers, Musicians, and other Attendants. A City in ILLYRIA; and the Sea-coast near it.
servants to Olivia
OLIVIA, a rich Countess. VIOLA, in love with the Duke. MARIA, Olivia's woman.
Val. So please my lord, I might not be admitted, But from her handmaid do return this answer: The element itself, till seven years' heat, Shall not behold her face at ample view; But, like a cloistress, she will veiled walk, And water once a day her chamber round With eye-offending brine: all this, to season A brother's dead love, which she would keep fresh, And lasting, in her sad remembrance.
Duke. O, she, that hath a heart of that fine frame, To pay this debt of love but to a brother, How will she love, when the rich, golden shaft, Hath kill'd the flock of all affections else That live in her! when liver, brain, and heart, These sovereign thrones, are all supplied, and fill'd, (Her sweet perfections,) with one self k ng!Away before me to sweet beds of flowers; Love-thoughts lie rich, when canopied with bowers.
Cap. It is perchance, that you yourself were saved. Vio. O my poor brother! and so, perchance, may
Cap. True, madam: and, to comfort you with chance,
Assure yourself, after our ship did split,
For saying so, there's gold:
Not three hours' travel from this very place.
As in his name.
A noble duke, in nature,
What is his name?
Orsino. Vio. Orsino! I have heard my father name him: He was a bachelor then.
Cap. And so is now, Or was so very late for but a month Ago I went from hence; and then 'twas fresh In murmur, (as, you know, what great ones do, The less will prattle of,) that he did seek The love of fair Olivia.
Cap. A virtuous maid, the daughter of a count That died some twelvemonth since; then leaving
In the protection of his son, her brother,
Cap. That were hard to compass; Because she will admit no kind of suit, No, not the duke's.
Vio. There is a fair behaviour in thee, captain; And though that nature with a beauteous wall Doth oft close in pollution, yet of thee
I will believe, thou hast a mind that suits
I pray thee, and I'll pay thee bounteously,
Cap. Be you his eunuch, and your mute I'll be ; When my tongue blabs, then let mine eyes not see! [Exeunt.
Vio, I thank thee: Lead me on.
Sir To. Confine? I'll confine myself no finer than I am these clothes are good enough to drink in, and so be these boots too; an they be not, let them hang themselves in their own straps.
Mar. That quaffing and drinking will undo you : I heard my lady talk of it yesterday; and of a foolish knight, that you brought in one night here, to be her wooer.
Sir To. Who? Sir Andrew Ague-cheek?
Sir To. He's as tall a man as any's in Illyria.
Sir To. Why, he has three thousand ducats a year. Mar. Ay, but he'll have but a year in all these ducats; he's a very fool, and a prodigal.
Sir To. Fye, that you'll say so he plays o' the viol-de-gambo, and speaks three or four languages word for word without book, and hath all the good gifts of nature.
Mar. He hath, indeed, almost natural: for, besides that he's a fool, he's a great quarreller; and, but that he hath the gift of a coward to allay the gust he hath in quarrelling, 'tis thought among the prudent, he would quickly have the gift of a grave.
Sir To. By this hand, they are scoundrels, and substractors, that say so of him. Who are they?
Mar. They that add moreover, he's drunk nightly in your company.
Sir To. With drinking healths to my niece; I'll drink to her, as long as there is a passage in my throat, and drink in Illyria: He's a coward, and a coystril, that will not drink to my niece, till his brains turn o' the toe like a parish-top. What, wench? Castiliano-vulgo; for here comes Sir Andrew Ague-face.
Enter Sir ANDREW AGUE-CHEEK.
Sir To. Accost, sir Andrew, accost.
Sir To. My niece's chamber-maid. Sir And Good mistress Accost, acquaintance.
Mar. My name is Mary, sir.
Sir And. Good mistress Mary Accost,
Sir To. You mistake, knight: accost, is, front her, board her, woo her, assail her.
Sir And. By my troth, I would not undertake her in this company. Is that the meaning of accost? Mar. Fare you well, gentlemen.
Sir To. An thou let part so, sir Andrew, 'would thou might'st never draw sword again.
Sir And. An you part so, mistress, I would I might never draw sword again. Fair lady, do you think you have fools in hand?
sir Toby Belch?
Blar. Sir, I have not you by the hand. Sir And. Marry, but you shall have; and here's my hand.
Mar. Now, sir, thought is free: I pray you, bring your hand to the buttery-bar, and let it drink. Sir And. Wherefore, sweet heart? what's your metaphor?
Mar. It's dry, sir.
Sir And. Why, I think so; I am not such an ass, but I can keep my hand dry. But what's your jest? Mar. A dry jest, sir.
Sir And. Are you full of them?
Mar. Ay, sir; I have them at my fingers' ends: marry, now I let go your hand, I am barren.
[Exit MARIA. Sir To. O knight, thou lack'st a cup of canary: When did I see thee so put down?
Sir And. Never in your life, I think; unless you see canary put me down: Methinks sometimes I have no more wit than a Christian, or an ordinary man has: but I am a great eater of beef, and, I believe, that does harm to my wit.
Sir To. No question.
Sir And. An I thought that, I'd forswear it. I'll ride home to-morrow, sir Toby.
Sir To. Pourquoy, my dear knight?
Sir And. What is pourquoy? do or not do? I would I had bestowed that time in the tongues, that I have in fencing, dancing, and bear-baiting: O, had I but followed the arts!
Sir To. Then hadst thou had an excellent head of hair.
Sir And. Why, would that have mended my hair? Sir To. Past question; for thou seest, it will not curl by nature.
Sir And. But it becomes me well enough, does't not?
Sir To. Excellent; it hangs like flax on a distaff; and I hope to see a housewife take thee between her legs, and spin it off.
Sir And. 'Faith, I'll home to-morrow, Sir Toby: your niece will not be seen; or, if she be, it's four to one she'll none of me: the count himself, here hard by, wooes her.
Sir To. She'll none o' the count; she'll not match above her degree, neither in estate, years, nor wit; I have heard her swear it. Tut, there's life in't, man.
well in a flame-coloured stock. Shail we set abou? some revels?
Sir And. I'll stay a month longer. I am a fellow o' the strangest mind i' the world; I delight in masques and revels sometimes altogether.
Sir To. Art thou good at these kick-shaws, knight? Sir And. As any man in Illyria, whatsoever he be, under the degree of my betters; and yet I will not compare with an old man.
Sir To. What is thy excellence in a galliard, knight? Sir And. 'Faith, I can cut a caper. Sir To. And I can cut the mutton to't Sir And. And, I think, I have the back-trick, simply as strong as any man in Illyria.
Sir To. Wherefore are these things hid? wherefore have these gifts a curtain before them? are they like to take dust, like mistress Mall's picture? why dost thou not go to church in a galliard, and come home in a coranto? My very walk should be a jig; I would not so much as make water, but in a sink-pace. What dost thou mean? is it a world to hide virtues in? I did think, by the excellent constitution of thy leg, it was formed under the star of a gal
Sir And. Ay, 'tis strong, and it does indifferent
Sir To. What shall we do else? were we not born under Taurus?
Sir And. Taurus? that's sides and heart.
Sir To. No, sir; it is legs and thighs. Let me see thee caper: ha! higher: ha, ha! excellent! [Exeunt.
Enter DUKE, CURIO, and Attendants.
Vio. On your attendance, my lord; here.
Duke. Be clamorous, and leap all civil bounds, Rather than make unprofited return.
Vio. Say, I do speak with her, my lord: What then' Duke. O, then unfold the passion of my love, Surprise her with discourse of my dear faith: It shall become thee well to act my woes; She will attend it better in thy youth, Than in a nuncio of more grave aspect. Vio. I think not so, my lord. Duke.
Dear lad, believe it
I know, thy constellation is right apt
To call his fortunes thine.
[Exeunt. SCENE V.-A Room in Olivia's House. Enter MARIA and Clown.
Mar. Nay, either tell me where thou hast been, or I will not open my lips, so wide as a bristle may enter, in way of thy excuse: my lady will hang thee for thy absence.
Clo. Let her hang me: he, that is well hanged in this world, needs to fear no colours.