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That he did buffet thee, and, in his blows

This is the fairy land; — 0, spite of spites Denied my house for his, me for his wife.

We talk with goblins, owls, and elvish sprites; Ant. S. Did you converse, sir, with this gentle- | If we obey them not, this will ensue, woman?

They'll suck our breath, or pinch us black and blue. What is the course and drift of your compact ? Luc. Why prat'st thou to thyself, and answer'st Dro. S. I, sir? I never saw her till this time.

not? Ant. S. Villain, thou liest; for even her very Dromio, thou drone, thou snail, thou slug, thou sot! words

Dro. $. I am transformed, master, am not I ? Didst thou deliver to me on the mart.

Ant. s. I think, thou art, in mind, and so am I. Dro. S. I never spake with her in all my life, Dro. S. Nay, master, both in mind, and in my Ant. S. How can she thus then call us by our

shape. names,

Ant. S. Thou hast thine own form. Unless it be by inspiration ?

Dro. s.

No, I am an ape. Adr. How ill agrees it with your gravity,

Luc. If thou art chang'd to aught, 'tis to an ass. To counterfeit thus grossly with your slave,

Dro. S. 'Tis true; she rides me, and I long for Abetting him to thwart me in my mood ?

grass. Be it my wrong, you are from me exempt,


SO, I am an ass; else it could never be, But wrong not that wrong with a more contempt. But I should know her as well as she knows me. Come, I will fasten on this sleeve of thine :

Adr. Come, come, no longer will I be a fool, Thou art an elm, my husband, I, a vine ;

To put the finger in the eye and weep, Whose weakness, married to thy stronger state,

Whilst man, and master, laugh my woes to scorn. Makes me with thy strength to communicate : Come, sir, to dinner ; Dromio, keep the gate : If aught possess thee from me, it is dross,

Husband, I'll dine above with you to-day, Usurping ivy, briar, or idle moss ;

And shrive you of a thousand idle pranks : Who, all for want of pruning, with intrusion Sirrah, if any ask you for your master, Infect thy sap, and live on thy confusion.

Say, he dines forth, and let no creature enter. Ant. S. To me she speaks; she moves me for her Come, sister :- Dromio, play the porter well. theme :

Ant. S. Am I in earth, in heaven, or in hell ? What, was I married to her in my dream ?

Sleeping or waking ? mad, or well advis'd ? Or sleep I now, and think I hear all this?

Known unto these, and to myself disguis'd! What error drives our eyes and ears amiss ?

I'll say as they say, and persever so, Until I know this sure uncertainty,

And in this mist at all adventures go. I'll entertain the offer'd fallacy.

Dro. S. Master, shall I be porter at the gate ? Luc. Dromio, go bid the servants spread for Adr. Ay; and let none enter, lest I break your dinner.

pate. Dro. S. O, for my beads! I cross me for a Luc. Come, come, Antipholus, we dine too late. sinner.




us all.

SCENE I. - The same.

I should kick, being kick'd; and, being at that pass,

You would keep from my heels, and beware of an ass. Enter Antipholus of Ephesus, Dromio of Ephesus,

Ant. E. You are sad, signior Balthazar : ’Pray ANGELO, and BALTHAZAR.

God, our cheer Ant. E. Good signior Angelo, you must excuse May answer my good will, and your good welcome

here. My wife is shrewish, when I keep not hours : Bal. I hold your dainties cheap, sir, and your Say, that I linger'd with you at your shop,

welcome dear. To see the making of her carkanet,

Ant. E. O, signior Balthazar, either at flesh or And that to-morrow you will bring it home.

fish, But here's a villain, that would face me down A table full of welcome makes scarce one dainty dish. He met me on the mart; and that I beat him, Bol. Good meat, sir, is common; that every And charg'd him with a thousand marks in gold ;

churl affords. And that I did deny my wife and house :

Ant. E. And welcome more common; for that's Thou drunkard, thou, what didst thou mean by

nothing but words. this?

Bal. Small cheer, and great welcome, makes a Dro. E. Say what you will, sir, but I know wliat I know :

Ant. E. Ay, to a niggardly host, and more sparThat you beat me at the mart, I have your hand to

ing guest. show :

But though my cates be mean, take them in guod If the skin were parchment, and the blows you

part ; gave were ink,

Better cheer may you have, but not with better Your own handwriting would tell you what I

heart. think.

But, soft ; my door is lock'd; Go bid them let Ant. E. I think, thou art an ass. Dro. E.

Marry, so it doth appear Dro. E. Maud, Bridget, Marian, Cicely, Gillian, By the wrongs I suffer, and the blows I bear.


merry feast.

us in.

the gate.


you so?


Dro. S. [Iithin.] Mome, malt-horse, capon, cox- Dro. E. They stand at the door, master; bid comb, idiot, patch !

them welcome hither. Either get thee from the door, or sit down at the Ant. E. There is something in the wind, that we hatch :

cannot get in. Dost thou conjure for wenches, that thou call'st for Dro. E. You would say so, master, if your garsuch store,

ments were thin. When one is one too many ? Go, get thee from Your cake here is warm within; you stand here in the door.

the cold : Dro. E. What patch is made our porter? My It would make a man mad as a buck, to be so bought mas er stays in the street.

and sold. Dro. S. Let him walk from whence he


lest Ant. E. Go, fetch me something, I'll break ope he catch cold on's feet. Ant. E. Who talks within there? ho, open the door. Dro. S. Break any breaking here, and I'll break Dro. S. Right, sir, I'll tell you when, an you'll

your knave's pate. tell me wherefore.

Dro. E. A man may break a word with you, sır; Ant. E. Wherefore? for my dinner ; I have not

and words are but wind; din’d to-day.

Ay, and break it in your face, so he break it not Dro. S. Nor to-day here you must not ; come

behind. again, when you may.

Dro. S. It seems, thou wantest breaking; Out Ant. E. What art thou, that keep'st me out from

upon thee, hind! the house I owe?

Dro. E. Here's too much, out upon thee! I pray Dro. S. The porter for this time, sir, and my

thee, let me in. name is Dromio.

Dro. S. Ay, when fowls have no feathers, and Dro. E. () villain, thou hast stolen both mine

fish have no fin. office and my name;

Ant. E. Well, I'll break in ; Go borrow me a The one ne’er got me credit, the other mickle blame.

Dro. E. A crow without a feather; master, mean If thou had'st been Dromio to-day in my place, Thou would'st have chang'd thy face for a name, For a fish without a fin, there's a fowl without a or thy name for an ass.

feather : Luce. [Within.] What a coil is there ! Dromio, If a crow help us in, sirrah, we'll pluck a crow towho are those at the gate ?

gether. Dro. E. Let my master in, Luce.

Ant. E. Go, get thee gone, fetch me an iron Luce.

Faith no; he comes too late ; And so tell : pur master.

Bal. Have patience, sir, O, let it not be so ; Dro. E.

O Lord, I must laugh ;- Herein you war against your reputation, Have at you with a proverb. Shall I set in my And draw within the compass of suspect staff ?

The unviolated honour of your wife. Luce. Have at you with another : that's, Once this, – Your long experience of her wisdom, When ? can you tell ?

Her sober virtue, years, and modesty, Dro. S. If thy name be called Luce, Luce, thou Plead on her part some cause to you unknown; hast answer'd him well.

And doubt not, sir, but she will well excuse Ant. E. Do you hear, you minion ? you'll let us Why at this time the doors are made against you. in, I hope ?

Be rul’d by me; depart in patience, Luce. I thought to have ask'd you.

And let us to the Tiger all to dinner : Dro. S.

And you said, no. And, about evening, come yourself alone, Dro. E. So, come, help; well struck; there was To know the reason of this strange restraint. blow for blow.

If by strong hand you offer to break in, Ant. E. Thou baggage, let me in.

Now in the stirring passage of the day, Luce.

Can you tell for whose sake ? A vulgar comment will be made on it; Dro. E. Master, knock the door hard.

And that supposed by the common rout Luce.

Let him knock till it ake. Against your yet ungalled estimation, Ant. E. You'll cry for this, minion, if I beat the That


with foul intrusion enter in, door down.

And dwell upon your grave when you are dead : Luce. What needs all that, and a pair of stocks For slander lives upon succession ; in the town?

For ever hous’d, where it once gets possession. Adr. [Within.] Who is that at the door, that Ant. E. You have prevail'd; I will depart in keeps all this noise ?

quiet, Dro. S. By my troth, your town is troubled with | And, in despight of mirth, mean to be merry. unruly boys.

I know a wench of excellent discourse, Ant. E. Are you there, wife ? you might have Pretty and witty ; wild, and, yet too, gentle ; come before.

There will we dine : this woman that I mean, Aur. Your wife, sir knave! go, get you from the My wife (but, I protest, without desert,) door.

Hath oftentimes upbraided me withal; Dro. E. If you went in pain, master, this knave To her will we to dinner. Get you home, would go sore.

And fetch the chain : by this, I know, 'tis made : Ang. Here is neither cheer, sir, nor welcome ; Bring it, I pray you, to the Porcupine ; we would fain have either.

For there's the house ; that chain will I bestow Ya!. In debating which was best, we shall part (Be it for nothing but to spite my wife,) with neither.

Upon mine hostess there : good sir, make haste :


ness :

Since mine own doors refuse to entertain me,

Ant. $. For gazing on your beams, fair sun, I'll knock elsewhere, to see if they'll disdain me.

being by. Ang. I'll meet you at that place, some hour Luc. Gaze where you should, and that will lear hence.

your sight. Ant. E. Do so; This jest shall cost me some Ant. S. As good to wink, sweet love, as look on екреnсе. .



Luc. Why call you me love ? call my sister so.
SCENE II. - The same.

Ant. S. Thy sister's sister.

That's my sister.
Enter Luciana and AntiPHOLUS of Syracuse. Ant. S.
Luc. And may it be that you have quite forgot It is thyself, mine own self's better part;

A husband's office ? shall, Antipholus, hate, Mine eye's clear eye, my dear lieart's dearer heart; Even in the spring of love, thy love-springs rot ? My food, my fortune, and my sweet hope's aim, Shall love, in building, grow so ruinate?

My sole earth's heaven, and my heaven's claim. If you did wed my sister for her wealth,

Luc. All this my sister is, or else should be. Then, for her wealth's sake, use her with more Ant. S. Call thyself sister, sweet, for I aim thee : kindness :

Thee will I love, and with thee lead my life; Or, if you like elsewhere, do it by stealth ;

Thou hast no husband yet, nor I no wife : Muffe your false love with some show of blind-Give me thy hand.


0, soft, sir, hold you still ; Let not my sister read it in your eye;

I'll fetch my sister, to get her good will. Be not thy tongue thy own shame's orator;

[Erit Luc. Look sweet, speak fair, become disloyalty ; Apparel vice like virtue's harbinger :

Enter from the house of ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus,

Dromio of Syracuse.
Bear a fair presence, though your heart be tainted;
Teach sin the carriage of a holy saint;

Ant. S. Why, how now, Dromio ? where run'st Be secret-false : What need she be acquainted ?

thou so fast? What simple thief brags of his own attaint? Dro. S. Do you know me, sir ? am I Dromio ? 'Tis double wrong, to truant with your bed, am I your man? am I myself? And let her read it in thy looks at board :

Ant. S. Thou art Dromio, thou art my man, thou Shame hath a bastard fame, well managed ;

art thyself. Ill deeds are doubled with an evil word.

Dro. S. I am an ass, I am a woman's man, and Alas, poor women! make us but believe,

besides myself. Being compact of credit, that you love us;

Ant. S. What woman's man? and how besides Though others have the arm, show us the sleeve;

thyself? We in your motion turn, and you may move us. Dro. S. Marry, sir, besides myself, I am due to Then, gentle brother, get you in again;

a woman; one that claims me, one that haunts me, Comfort my sister, cheer her, call her wife: one that will have me. 'Tis holy sport, to be a little vain,

Ant. S. What claim lays she to thee? When the sweet breath of flattery conquers strife. Dro. S. Marry, sir, such claim as you would lay Ant. S. Sweet mistress, (what your name is else, I to your horse; and she would have me as a beast :

not that, being a beast, she would have me; but Nor by what wonder you do hit on mine,) that she, being a very beastly creature, lays claim Less, in your knowledge, and your grace, you show not,

Ant. S. What is she? Than our earth's wonder ; more than earth divine. Dro. S. A very reverent body; ay, such a one as Teach me, dear creature, how to think and speak; a man may not speak of, without he say, sir-reverLay open to my earthy gross conceit.

ence: I have but lean luck in the match, and yet Smother'd in errors, feeble, shallow, weak,

is she a wondrous fat marriage. The folded meaning of your words' deceit.

Ant. S. How dost thou mean, a fat marriage? Against my soul's pure truth why labour you,

Dro. S. Marry, sir, she's the kitchen-wench, and To make it wander in an unknown field ? all grease ; and I know not what use to put her to, Are you a god ? would you create me now? but to make a lamp of her, and run from ber by

Transform me then, and to your power I'll yield. her own light. I warrant, her rags, and the tallow But if that I am I, then well I know,

in them, will burn a Poland winter : if she lives till Your weeping sister is no wife of mine,

doomsday, she'll burn a week longer than the whole Nor to her bed no homage do I owe;

world. Far more, far more, to you do I declinc.

Ant. S. What complexion is she of? 0, train me not, sweet mermaid, with thy note, Dro. S. Swart, like my shoe, but her face nothing

To drown me in thy sister's flood of tears ; like so clean kept; For why ? she sweats, a man Sing, siren, for thyself, and I will dote :

may go over shoes in the grime of it. Spread o'er the silver waves thy golden hairs, Ant. S. That's a fault that water will mend. And as a bed I'll take thee, and there lie;

Dro. S. No, sir, 'tis in grain ; Noah's flood could And, in that glorious supposition, think

not do it.
He gains by death, that hath such means to die :- Ant. S. What's her name?

Let love, being light, be drowned if she sink ! Dro. $. Nell, sir; — but her name and three
Luc. What, are you mad, that you do reason so ? quarters, that is an ell and three quarters, will not
Ant. s. Not mad, but mated; how, I do not measure her from hip to hip.

Ant. S. Then she bears some breadth?
Lur. It is a fault that springeth from your eye. Dro. S. No longer from head to foot, than from

know not,

to me.

hip to hip: she is spherical, like a globe; I could | If every one knows us, and we know none, find out countries in her.

'Tis time, I think, to trudge, pack, and be gone. Ant. S. In what part of her body stands Ireland ? Dro. S. As from a bear a man would run for life,

Dro. S. Marry, sir, in her buttocks; I found it So fly I from her that would be my wife. (Exit. out by the bogs.

Ant. $. There's none but witches do inhabit here; Ant. $. Where Scotland ?

And therefore 'tis high time that I were hence. Dro. S. I found it by the barrenness; hard, in She, that doth call me husband, even my soul the palm of the hand.

Doth for a wife abhor: but her fair sister, Ant. S. Where France ?

Possess'd with such a gentle sovereign grace, Dro. S. In her forehead; anned and reverted, Of such enchanting presence and discourse, making war against her hair.

Hath almost made me traitor to myself : Ant. s. Where England ?

But, lest myself be guilty to self-wrong, Dro. S. I looked for the chalky cliffs, but I could I'll stop mine ears against the mermaid's song. find no whiteness in them : but I guess, it stood in

Enter ANGELO. her chin, by the salt rheum that ran between France and it.

Ang. Master Antipholus? Ant. S. Where Spain ?

Ant. $. Ay, that's my name. Dro. S. Faith, I saw it not; but I felt it, hot in Ang. I know it well, sir , Lo, here is the chain ; her breath.

I thought to have ta’en you at the Porcupine : Ant. S. Where America, the Indies?

The chain unfinish'd made me stay thus long. Dro. S. O, sir, upon her nose, all o'er embel- Ant. S. What is your will, that I shall do with lished with rubies, carbuncles, sapphires, declining

this? their rich aspect to the hot breath of Spain ; who Ang. What please yourself, sir ; I have made it sent whole armadas of carracks to be ballast at her

Ant. S. Made it for me, sir! I bespoke it not. Ant. $. Where stood Belgia, the Netherlands? Ang. Not once, nor twice, but twenty times you Dro. S. 0, sir, I did not look so low. To con

have : clude, this drudge, or diviner, laid claim to me; Go home with it, and please your wife withal; called me Dromio; swore, I was assured to her ; And soon at supper-time I'll visit you, told me what privy marks I had about me, as the And then receive my money for the chain. mark of my shoulder, the mole in my neck, the Ant. S. I pray you, sir, receive the money now, great wart on my left arm, that I, amazed, ran from For fear you ne'er see chain, nor money more. her as a witch : and, I think, if my breast had not Ang. You are a merry man, sir ; fare you well. been made of faith, and my heart of steel, she had

[Erit. transformed me to a curtail-dog, and made me turn Ant. S. What I should think of this, I cannot tell: i'the wheel.

But this I think, there's no man is so vain, Ant. S. Go, hie thee presently, post to the road; That would refuse so fair an offer'd chain. And if the wind blow any way from shore,

I see, a man here needs not live by shifts, I will not harbour in this town to-night.

When in the streets he meets such golden gifts. If any bark put forth, come to the mart,

I'll to the mart, and there for Dromio stay; Where I will walk, till thou return to me.

If any ship put out, then straight away.

for you.



SCENE I. The same.

And buy a rope's end ; that will I bestow Enter a Merchant, Angelo, ani an Officer.

Among my wife and her confederates,

For locking me out of my doors by day. Mer. You know, since Pentecost the sum is due, But soft, I see the goldsmith : - get thee gone; And since I have not much importun'd you; Buy thou a rope, and bring it home to me. Nor now I had not, but that I am bound

Dro. E. I buy a thousand pound a year! I buy To Persia, and want gilders for my voyage :

a rope !

[Erit Dromio. Therefore make present satisfaction,

Ant. E. A man is well help up, that trusts to you. Or I'll attach you by this officer.

I promised your presence, and the chain; Ang. Even just the sum, that I do owe to you, But neither chain, nor goldsmith, came to me : Is growing to me by Antipholus :

Belike, you thought our love would last too long, And, in the instant that I met with you,

If it were chain'd together; and therefore came not. He bad of me a chain ; at five o'clock,

Ang. Saving your merry humour, here's the note, I shall receive the money for the same :

How much your chain weighs to the utmost carat; Pleaseth you walk with me down to his house, The fineness of the gold, and chargeful fashion ; I will discharge my bond, and thank you too. Which doth amount to three odd ducats more

Than I stand debted to this gentleman : Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus, and Dromio of I pray you, see him presently discharg’d, Ephesus.

For he is bound to sea, and stays but for it. off. That labour may you save; see where he Ant. E. I am not furnish'd with the present

money ; Ant. E. While I go to the goldsmith's house, go Besides I have some business in the town: thou

Good signior, take the stranger to my house,



And with you take the chain, and bid my wife Blows fair from land : they stay for no sght at all, Disburse the sum on the receipt thereof;

But for their owner, master, and yourse't. Perchance, I will be there as soon as you.

Ant. E. How now! a madman Why thou pecAng. Then you will bring the chain to her your

vish sheep, self?

What ship of Epidamnum stays for me? Ant. E. No; bear it with you, lest I come not Dro. S. A ship you sent me to, to hire waftage. time enough.

Ant. E. Thou drunken slave, I sent thee for a rope; Ang. Well, sir, I will : Have you the chain And told thee to what purpose, and what end. about you?

Dro. S. You sent me, sir, for a rope's-end as soon: Ant. E. An if I have not, sir, I hope you have; You sent me to be bay, sir, for a bark. Or else you may return without your money.

Ant. E. I will debate this matter at more leisure, Ang. Nay, come, I pray you, sir, give me the And teach your ears to listen with more heed. chain;

To Adriana, villain, hie thee straight :
Both wind and tide stays for this gentleman, Give her this key, and tell her, in the desk
And I, to blame, have held him here too long.

That's cover'd o'er with Turkish tapestry,
Ant. E. Good lord, you use this dalliance to There is a purse of ducats; let her send it;

Tell her, I am arrested in the street, Your breach of promise to the Porcupine :

And that shall bail me : hie thee, slave; be gone. I should have chid you for not bringing it,

On, officer, to prison till it come. But, like a shrew, you first begin to brawl.

[Exeunt Merchant, ANGELO, Officer, anu! Ant. E Mer. The hour steals on; I pray you, sir, de- Dro. S. To Adriana! that is where we din'd, spatch.

Where Dowsabel did claim me for her husband : Ang. You hear, how he impórtunes me; the She is too big, I hope, for me to compass.

Thither I must, although against my will, Ant. E. Why, give it to my wife, and fetch your For servants must their masters' minds fulfil. {Erila

money. Ang. Come, come, you know, I gave it you even

SCENE II. – The same. now;

Enter ADRIANA and LUCIANA. ther send the chain, or send me by some token. Ant. E. Fye! now you run this humour out of Allr. Ah, Luciana, did he tempt thee so? breath :

Might’st thou perceive austerely in his eye Come, where's the chain ? I pray you, let me see it. That he did plead in earnest, yea or no ?

Mer. My business cannot brook this dalliance : Look'd he or red, or pale; or sad, or inerrilg? Good sir, say, whe'r you'll answer me, or no;

What observation mad'st thou in this case, If not, I'll leave him to the officer.

Of his heart's meteors tilting in his face? Ant. E. I answer you! What should I answer Luc. First, he denied you had in him no right. you?

Adr. He meant, he did me none; the more my Ang. The money, that you owe me for the chain.

spite. Ant. E. I owe you none, till I receive the chain. Luc. Then swore he, that he was a stranger here. Ang. You know, gave it you half an hour

Adr. And true he swore, though yet forsworn he since. Ant. E. You gave me none; you wrong me

Luc. Then pleaded I for you. much to say so.


And what said he ? Ang. You wrong me more, sir, in denying it : Luc. That love I begg'd for you, he begg'd of me. Consider, how it stands upon my credit.

Adr. With what persuasion did he tempt thy love? Mer. Well, officer, arrest him at my suit.

Luc. With words, that in an honest suit might off. I do; and charge you in the duke's name, to obey me.

First, he did praise my beauty ; then, my speech. Ang. This touches me in reputation :

Adr. Did'st speak him fair? Either consent to pay this sum for me,


Have patience, I beseech. Or I attach you by this officer.

Adr. I cannot, nor I will not, hold me still; Ant. E. Consent to pay thee that I never had ! My tongue, though not my heart, shall have his will. Arrest me, foolish fellow, if thou dar’st.

He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere, Ang. Here is thy fee ; arrest him, officer ; - Ill-fac'd, worse-bodied, shapeless every where; I would not spare my brother in this case,

Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind; If he should scorn me so apparently.

Stiginatical in making, worse in mind. off. I do arrest you, sir; you hear the suit. Luc. Who would be jealous then of such a one?

Änt. E. I do obey thee, till I give thee bail : - No evil lost is wail'd when it is gone. But, sirrah, you shall buy this sport as dear

Adr. Ah! but I think him better than I say, As all the metal in your shop will answer.

And yet would herein others' eyes were worse : Ang. Sir, sir, I shall have law in Ephesus, Far from her nest the lapwing cries, away; To your notorious shame, I doubt it not.

My beart prays for him, though my tongue de Enter Dromio of Syracuse. Dro. S. Master, there is a bark of Lp...a.anuin,

Enter Dromo of Syracuse. That stays but till her owner comes aboard,

Dro. S. Here, go: the desk, the purse ; sweet And then, sir, bears away : our frauglitage, sir,

now, make haste. I have convey'd aboard ; and I have bought

Luc. How hast thou lost thy breath? The oil, the balsamum, and aqua-vitæ.

Dro. s.

By running fast. The ship is in her trim; the merry winul

Adr. Where is thy master, Dromio ? is he well?




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