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miseries of a world is sport, may, from this general destruction, obtain a fanciful possession of what he calls glory.


Telemaque, liv. xvii.


[I WAS] asked, what were the usual causes or motives that made one country go to war with another? I answered, they were innumerable; but I should only mention a few of the chief. Sometimes the ambition of princes, who never think they have land or people enough to govern. Sometimes the corruption of ministers, who engage their master in a war in order to stifle or divert the clamour of the subjects against their evil administration. Difference in opinions hath cost many millions of lives: for instance whether flesh be bread, or bread be flesh; whether the juice of a certain berry be blood or wine; whether whistling be a vice or a virtue; whether it be better to kiss a post or throw it into the fire; t what is the best colour for a coat, whether black, white, red, or grey; and whether it should be long or short, narrow or wide, dirty or clean, with many more. § Neither are any wars so furious and bloody, or of so long continuance, as those occasioned by differences in opinion, especially if it be in things indifferent.




Kissing a Cross.

The colour and make of sacred vestments, and different orders of popish ecclesiastics.

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$ CO Sometimes the quarrel between two princes is to decide which of them shall dispossess a third of his dominions, where neither of them pretend to any right. Sometimes one, prince quarrelleth with another, for fear the other should quarrel with him. Sometimes a war is entered upon because the enemy is too strong; and sometimes because he is too weak. Sometimes our neighbours want the things which we have, or have the things which we want; and we both fight till they take ours, or give us theirs. It is a very justifiable cause of war, to invade a country after the people' have been wasted by famine, destroyed by pesti




ople are

lence, or embroiled by factions anong themselves." It is justifiable to enter into a war against our nearest ally, when one of his towns lie convenicht for us, or a territory of land, that would render our dominions round and compact. If a prince sends forces into a nation, where the people' poor and ignorant," he may lawfully put' half of them to death, and make slaves of the rest, in order to civilize and reduce them from their barbarous way of living. It is a of living. It is a very Kingly, honourable, and frequent practice, when one prince desires the assistance of another to secure him against an invasion, that the assistant, when he hath driven out the invader, should seize on the dominions himself, and kill, imprison, or banish I the prince he came to relieve. Alliance by blood or marriage is a frequent cause of war between princes; and the nearer the kindred is, the greater


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is their disposition to quarrel. There is likewise a
kind of beggarly princes in Europe, not able to
make war by themselves, who hire out their troops
to richer nations, for so much a day to each man,
of which they keep three fourths to themselves,
and it is the best part of their maintenance.






Gulliver's Travels, part. iv. ch. v.


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THE two great empires of Lilliput and Blefuscu*
have been engaged in a most obstinate war for six
and thirty moons past. It began upon the follow-
ing occasion: It is allowed on all hands, that the
primitive way of breaking eggs, before we eat
them, was upon the larger end; but his present
majesty's grand-father, while he was a boy, going
to eat an egg, and breaking it according to the antient
practice, happened to cut one of his fingers. Where-
upon the emperor, his father, published an edict,,
commanding all his subjects, upon great penalties,
to break the smaller end of their eggs. The peo-
ple so highly resented this law, that our histories
tell us, there have been six rebellions raised on
that account; wherein one
wherein one emperor lost his life t
and another his crown. § These civil commotions!
were constantly fomented by the monarchs of
Blefuscu; and when they were quelled the exiles
always fled for refuge to that empire. It is com-
puted that eleven thousand persons have at several
bocid nd


by or anon ad sontimest

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X 7

England and France.

1 Charles I.

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times suffered death, rather than submit to break their eggs at the smaller end. Many hundred large volumes have been published upon this controversy; but the books of the Big-endians have been long forbidden, and the whole party rendered incapable by law of holding employments. During the course of these, troubles, the emperors of Blefuscu did frequently expostulate by their ambassadors, accusing us of making a schism in religion by offending against a fundamental doctrine of our great prophet Lustrog, in the fifty-fourth chapter of the Blunderal (which is their Alcoran). This however is thought to be a mere strain upon the text; for the words are these: That all true believers break their eggs at the convenient end. And which is the convenient end, seems, in my humble opinion, to be left to every man's conscience, or at least in the power of the chief msgistrate to determine. Now the Big-endian exiles have found so much credit in the emperor of Blefuscu's court, and so much private assistance and encouragement from their party here at home, that a bloody war hath been carried on between the two empires for six and thirty moons, with various success; during. which time we have lost forty capital ships, and a much greater number of smaller vessels, together with thirty thousand of our best seamen and soldiers; and the damage received by the enemy is reckoned to be somewhat greater than ours. How


* Papists.

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ever, they have now equipped a numerous fleet, and are just preparing to make a descent upon us.

SWIFT. Gulliver's Travels, part i. ch, iv.

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As Francis the First was one winterly night warming himself over the embers of a wood fire, and talking with his first minister of sundry things for the good of the state-it would not be amiss, said the king, stirring up the embers with his cane, if this good understanding betwixt ourselves and Switzerland was a little strengthened.-There is no end, sire, r plied the minister, in giving money to these people they would swallow up the treasury of France.-Poo, poo! answered the king-there are more ways, Monsieur le Premier, of bribing states besides that of giving money-I'll pay Switzerland the honour of standing godfather to my next child. Your majesty, said the minister, in so doing, would have all the grammarians in Europe upon your back: Switzerland, as a republic, being a female, can in no construction be godfather. She may be godmother, replied Francis hastilyso announce my intentions by a courier to-morrow morning.

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I am astonished, said Francis the First, (that day fortnight) speaking to his minister as he entered the closet, that we have had no answer from Switzerland. Sire, I wait upon you this moment, said Mons. le Premier, to lay before you my dispatches upon that business.-They take it kindly, said the king. They do, sire, replied the minister, and have

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