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Edinburgh, March 17, 1789.

THIS day, from the head of his own table, did the Lord by his servant, Mr. R-, proclaim his name the I AM, and called on me to write under what I would, for time and eternity. My soul rejoices that God is, and that he is what he is; nothing less than himself can content me, nothing more do I desire.


This great I AM is my portion-what can I ask beside? He hath opened my eyes to see his excellency; he hath determined my will, to choose him for my portion. He hath arranged, and set in order, a rich testament sealed by the blood of his own Son, containing every blessing for time and for eternity. All my heart's desire is there promised, and faith given to believe there shall be a full performance. What have I to say then, but Amen, do as thou hast said? Father, glorify thy name. Thou hast said, then will I sprinkle clean water upon you, and ye shall be clean; from all your filthiness, and from all your idols will I cleanse you. A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you; and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh; and I will put my spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes, and ye shall keep my judgments and do them. And ye shall dwell in the land that I gave to your fathers; and ye shall be my people, and I will be your God.' Amen. Lord, do as thou hast said. Behold, I take hold of thy covenant for myself and for my children. It is well ordered in all things, and it is sure. My heart accords to every part of it. Wilt thou guide us by thy counsel while we live, and afterwards receive us to thy glory? Amen, and amen-do as thou hast said.

If we forsake thy laws, and go astray; if we depart from thee, and break thy commandments, wilt thou visit our faults with rods, and our sins with chastisements? Blessed promise, Amen, Lord, do as thou hast said: seeing thy loving kindness is secured to us, and thou wilt not cast us off from being thy people, nor alter that which thou hast spoken; wilt thou keep us as the apple of thine eye? wilt thou cover us with the shadow of thy wing? Art thou my husband? art thou the father of my father

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less children? wilt thou be the stay of these orphans, and their and my shield in a strange land? wilt thou perfect what concerns us? wilt thou care for us? wilt thou never leave us, never forsake us? in the valley of the shadow of death, shall thy rod and staff support us? what can thy servant say, but Amen, do as thou hast said!

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New-York, August 26, 1790. READING Over my former experience, has a little re vived this cold heart. Strange things hast thou done for me and mine. Thou hast said again and again, trust not in man' yet, O my idolatrous heart will hug my friends to my hurt! Thou hast seen it necessary to let me see how easy it is with thee to blast the brightest hopes and fairest prospects: thou hast showed me that father and mother may forsake; and even friends in Christ stand aloof. Glory to thy name, thou hast also confirmed a consequent hope; the Lord has taken me up. Thou knowest my castings down, and liftings up. The world would not believe me, were I to tell them the stately steps thou hast taken for my relief.

New-York, May 20, 1791.

THIS day my only son left me in bitter wringings of heart he is again launched on the ocean: God's ocean. The Lord saved him from shipwreck, bade the waves spare he brought him to my home, and allowed me once more to indulge my yearning of bowels over him. Short has been the time he has been with me, and ill have I improved it he is gone from my sight, and my heart bursts with tumultuous grief. Lord have mercy on the widow's son-'the only son of his mother, and she a widow.'

I ask nothing in all this world for him: I repeat my petition; save his soul alive: give him salvation from sin, It is not the danger of the seas that distresses me; it is not the hardships he must undergo; it is not the dread of never seeing him more in this world: it is because I cannot discern the fulfilment of the promise in him. I cannot discern the new birth nor its fruits, but every

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symptom of captivity to Satan, the world, and self-will. This, O this, is what distresses me: and in connexion with this, his being shut out from ordinances at a distance from Christians; shut up with those who forget God, profane his name, and break his Sabbaths, and has chosen his lot among a class of men, who often live and die like beasts; yet are accountable creatures, who must answer for every moment of time, and every word, thought, and action. O Lord, many wonders hast thou shown me ; thy ways of dealing with me and mine have not been common ones—add this wonder to the rest. Call, convert, regenerate, and establish a sailor in the faith. Lord, all things are possible with thee: glorify thy Son, and extend his kingdom by sea and land; take the prey from the strong. I roll him over upon thee. Many friends try to comfort me; miserable comforters are they all. Thou art the God of consolation; only confirm to me thy gracious word, on which thou causedst me to hope, in the day when thou saidst to me, Leave thy father less children, I will preserve them alive.' Only let this life be a spiritual life, and I put a blank in thy hand as to all temporal things.


'I wait for thy salvation.' Amen.

Dare I utter a

New-York, August 18, 1791. THUS far the Lord hath tried me, and kept me to my choice. This night I have tidings through a letter to Dr. M. that my son has been seized by the press-gang. Through God's help he escaped with his skin; but all his assortment of necessaries that his sisters and I made up with so much care, labour, and expense, they have carried off, and he is once more left naked. Satan, and a corrupt heart, unite in tempting me to fret. word, or harbour a murmuring thought? Would I withdraw the blank I have put into the Redeemer's hand? Has he not hitherto done all things well? Have not my own afflictions been my greatest blessings? Have not I asked for my children their mother's portion? Has not God chiefly made use of afflictions as means of hedging me in, and shutting me up to my choice of this portion, as well as showing me that He is a sufficient portion with

out any other? When matters have been at the worst with me as to this world, my triumphs in my God have been highest, and prospects for eternity brightest.

Has the Lord given me in some measure victory over the world? Do its honours, riches, show, and gaudy. splendours, appear to me empty and vain, and not worth an anxious thought? Does provision of food and raiment by the way through this wilderness, seem all that is necessary? And is it my wish, as well as form of prayer, that the Lord may give that in kind and degree, as he sees fittest for me? And shall I covet that for my child which I despise for myself? Alas! Lord, it is because he feeds not on better things, and sometimes I fear he has no better portion. Still, still foolish. Was it when I was full, or in want that I returned to my heavenly Father? Do I desire, have I asked and persisted in asking for my children, salvation from sin and self? Do I anxiously wish them to reach and to surpass my present measure of submission and resignation to thy will-to enjoy God in all things, and nothing without him? And shall I, dare I, fret when I see the Lord making use of the same means which first brought me to myself, and recovered me also from numberless backslidings since I first tasted the blessedness of his chosen?

Lord, I renew my blank. I afresh roll them all over upon thee. I will try to look on, in the faith that all things shall work together for good to their souls; and that I shall yet see the day, or if I see it not, that it will come, when they shall bow at thy footstool; sink into the open arms of thy mercy in Christ; melted down in holy, humble, acquiescing, cordial submission to thy severest dealings with them; when thou shalt put a new song into their mouths, and they shall sing as I do now, 'It hath been very good for me that I have been afflicted.' 'I wait for thy salvation.' Amen.

New-York, September, 1791.

MANY have been my burdens of late; strangers laid upon me to provide for, even when I thought I had not sufficient to give to all their due, and to provide for my own family. But what is that to me; the Lord increases

business, lays more largely to hand, bears me and my burdens, provides for me and strangers. Lord, it is all well give when thou wilt, and call for it again, when and for what purpose thou wilt, it is thine own. I am thine, and all that thou givest me is thine; the world calls it mine, but I call it thine. If it be thy will, lead me in a plain path, or if thou lead me by a way which I know not, hold up my goings, so shall I be in peace and safety still. Amen.

New-York, October 10, 1791.

THIS day, did the Lord's sent servant, in a solemn manner, take us all to witness, and call in the witness of angels, that we had once more avouched ourselves to be the Lord's; and that once more, Christ and his salvation had been offered to all within the walls. This same day, for the second time, have my two daughters sat down at the Redeemer's table, among his professing people; and I have reason to think, given their hearty assent to his covenant.

Glory! Glory! Glory to the hearer of prayer. I have cast my fatherless children on the Lord, and he has begun to make good my confidence. One thing, one only thing, have I asked for them, leaving every thing else to be bestowed or withheld, as consisting with that: I seek for my four children and myself, first of all the kingdom of God.

My God from day to day adds many other comforts, and strengthens my hopes by promising appearances, that the grain of mustard seed is sown in the hearts of my three daughters. They have joined themselves to the people of God, and I have reason to think the Lord has ratified their surrender of themselves to him; he has made them willing for the time, and he will hedge them in to the choice they have made.

Saturday, Sept. 1791. The Lord made me a grandmother, assisted my poor weakly girl in child-bearing, and gave a son to her and my arms. There was joy that a man child was born into the world,' and according to thy word, she remembered no more her pain.'


Thanks be to God for this salvation; but, Lord, this

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