Jul 62.

CHAPTER XI.

Permanency and strength of maternal influence-Correspondence-Death-bed anguish, how alleviated-Disgraceful incident-Price of popularity-Reasons of former trials developed-Letters, &c.

THE reader is not to infer that the subject of this narrative ceased to "give himself continually unto prayer," because the daily-recorded testimony of the fact, to which appeal has so often been made, is less frequently introduced. This was an employment of which he seems never to have grown weary, and which there are no indications that he ever relaxed. He 'dwelt in the secret place of the Most High, and abode under the shadow of the Almighty.' His accumulated burden of cares and sorrows he every day brought with him to the throne of grace, and retired thence relieved from its pressure, or strengthened to sustain it.

"Dec. 29. Was enabled to agonize in prayer for myself and people, and to make intercession with unutterable groanings. My heart and flesh cried out for the living God. Felt very strong hope that God was about to work wonders among us."

How well his mother understood his character-how sagacious she was in her aims at his heart, always successful in touching the chord that would be sure to vibrate-in a word, now assiduous and valuable a comforter she was-is apparent from his answers to her letters :

"MY DEAR MOTHER,

"Portland, Feb. 3, 1810.

"I do bless Heaven' if I am made 'the joy of my parents' heart,' and esteem it one of the greatest mercies for which I have reason to be thankful. Just before I received the letter which contained this consoling assurance, I was wondering what such a poor, miserable, worthless wretch was ever made for, and why I should be preserved in existence. . . . But, if I can afford any joy to my parents, or to any one else, I think I am willing to live, let my trials be ever so great; and

I bless God, and thank you for sending me that letter just at the right time. It proved a very seasonable and refreshing cordial to a fainting spirit. But methinks I hear you ask,— Why do you talk of fainting, when you have so much reason to rejoice and praise God for his goodness?' I faint because I find no heart, in the midst of all his goodness, to praise him for it. I faint because, while I feed others, I am left to pine in hunger, and am parched with thirst. In proportion as my labors are blessed to others, my sorrows and sins increase; and, though I am assisted in keeping the vineyard of others, my own runs to waste. I cannot think that any one but a minister knows any thing of a minister's trials; and I believe Paul had a peculiar reference to them when he said,—' If in this life only we have hope, we are of all men most miserable.'

"The attention to religion continues among us, and has much increased within a few weeks. It seems to be spreading more among the men. There are some favorable appearances in the neighboring towns. Last week, and the week before, and this week, I have attended fasts, in different places, which have been observed with prayer for a revival of religion, and am engaged to attend another next week.

"I preached yesterday on our Saviour's words to his disciples" All power is given to me in heaven and in earth.” What an animating assurance to his people, when they have a strong faith to take hold of it!"

"Feb. 8. Was favored with great fervor and freedom at the throne of grace this morning. Longed only to be employed as an instrument of glorifying Christ, and was willing to drink of his cup, and to be baptized with his baptism, if I might have a double portion of his Spirit. In the afternoon and evening, attended conferences, and was grievously disappointed to find no new inquirers."

"MY DEAREST MOTHER

April 17, 1810.

"I have just received your affectionate letter, and thank you most sincerely for the maternal love which breathes in every line. God grant that I may be made worthy of all the proofs of parental affection with which I am mercifully favored. If I derive any pleasure from the success with which our gracious Master is pleased to crown my labors in the ministry, it, in a great measure, arises from the happiness which I know this success gives my friends at home. Next to glorifying

God, by doing good to mankind, it is my chief desire to be made the means of promoting your happiness.

"My situation is now as agreeable as I ever expect it will be on earth; and I shall not be in a hurry to change it. I now hear none but religious conversation; every day seems like a Sabbath, and we have a little image of heaven upon earth. You will, I know, join with me in blessing our bounteous Benefactor for this fresh instance of his goodness.

"I rejoice, most sincerely rejoice, with you, and especially with my dear father, in the hopeful appearances which attend his labors. He has long been going forth weeping, bearing precious seed. I hope he will now be enabled to come again rejoicing, bringing with him the sheaves of an abundant harvest. I still feel exceedingly anxious respecting his health, but must leave it with God.

My own health continues very much the same—rather better of late, if any different. I do not expect it will be restored till the attention to religion ceases; for it does not answer for me to have too many blessings at once.

"We are still favored with the presence of the Spirit of grace, though in a less degree than formerly. Appearances, however, begin again to look more encouraging. The young converts, who have made a profession, with a very few exceptions, bid fair to do honor to the cause. Some of them, espe

cially, advance very rapidly; and the mouths of opposers, who seek occasion to blaspheme, are stopped. The congregation, and especially the church, continue affectionate as ever. In short, I am a wonder to myself, and can scarcely believe what I daily see of the goodness of God. You will naturally conclude, however, that inward trials will not be wanting where outward comforts are so multiplied. I thought, long since, that I had endured every thing horrible and dreadful that was ever felt, heard of, or conceived; but I find that the depths of Satan, and of a heart desperately wicked, are not so easily fathomed. These unfathomable depths, however, only serve to show me more clearly the infinite heights and depths of Christ's love; and I know that he who delivered me out of the paw of the lion and the bear will deliver me from every foe, however gigantic. It is but a moment, my mother, and we shall be singing the song of redeeming love together before the throne. Yes; our salvation is nearer than when we believed. Every moment it comes hastening on, and to-morrow it will be here. Yes; to-morrow we shall be as the angels of God. for patience to wait for the glory which will be re

vealed, and to endure the previous light afflictions, which continue but for a moment!"

The affectionate minister has joys peculiar to himself, or rather to his office; and the same may be said of his trials. He is the father of his flock, so far as the relation supposes a community of feeling in their happiness and misery. Inconsiderate transgressors know little of the anguish which they bring upon the pastor who warns and entreats them to seek "the good and right way ;" and they undervalue his counsels and his prayers till roused by some affecting providence, or brought down to the very gate of death, and then there is nothing on earth which they so much covet. The case mentioned below is, perhaps, a marked one; and yet what faithful minister could not name instances which form no distant parallels to this!

May 12. Was permitted to draw near to God with joy and confidence. O how astonishing is his goodness! A little while since, I thought it impossible I should ever be delivered from the grasp of sin. But he has brought me up from the horrible pit and miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and put a new song into my mouth, even praise unto his name. Had scarcely fallen asleep, when I was called up to visit a dying woman. Found her in all the agonies of despair; and her dreadful shrieks pierced my very soul, and almost curdled my blood with horror. Prayed, in an agony of spirit, that God would snatch her as a brand from the burning. After prayer, she was more quiet, and sunk into an imperfect sleep. Came away broken down with a load of anguish.

May 13. Sabbath. Rose languid, and exhausted in body and mind. The shrieks of the dying woman rang in my ears incessantly. Between meetings, was called to visit her again. Found her composed and happy, rejoicing in the Lord, and apparently resigned to live or die. On examination, found reason to believe that she was really reconciled to God, and yet could hardly believe it. Could scarcely look upon it as an answer to prayer, and still knew not how to avoid considering it as such.

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'May 17. Was much enlivened, to-day, by hearing that a remarkable spirit of prayer was poured out, last evening, at meeting. Could not but hope that the Lord was about to take the work into his own hands. In the evening, attended the conference for inquirers. Was still more encouraged by hearing hat the Spirit was again remarkably present at a prayer

meeting of the church this evening. Felt almost confident that the Lord was about to make bare his arm in a wonderful manner. Was so much animated and enlivened by this hope, that I could scarcely recover sufficient tranquillity of mind to pray that my hopes might not be disappointed.

May 24. Was excessively feeble all day. In the afternoon and evening, attended the conference for inquirers, but found only one. Was, at first, discouraged; but afterwards reflected, that it is God's method to bring us low, before he raises us."

"MY DEAREST MOTHER,

"Friday Eve, June 15.

"I arrived here, this afternoon, after an agreeable ride, and found a house of mourning waiting for me. The young lady I mentioned died last Wednesday morning. The grief of the family, and my own feelings, you can better conceive than I describe. The pious members, however, are wonderfully supported, so that they are an astonishment to themselves. The funeral is to be to-morrow, having been delayed one day for my return.

"Pray for me.-My friends at home are much endeared to me by their kindness during my late visit. I always feel vexed at myself, after coming away, that I did not say more on that subject, and seem more sensible of their goodness, while I was with them. But, some how or other, it is contrary to my nature to tell people how much I love and thank them."

"July 19, 1810.

"Grief has a wonderful efficacy, as you observe, in softening the heart; and suffering binds us to fellow-sufferers; so that I cannot tell what may be the event.

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"I have much new cause for gratitude since I left home. The minister at a smooth, liberal preacher, has been long intemperate, and lately fell from his horse into a slough, on his way to meeting. He was, on this, dismissed; and, as he was not the first bad minister this people had been cursed with, they have contracted a strong prejudice against the Congregational clergy. They, however, wrote to me to come and preach for them one Sabbath, if I could, and I accordingly I was treated with great kindness, had a very crowded, attentive, and solemn assembly; and from letters since received in town, it appears that not a few were deeply affected, and convinced of sin. They are exceedingly desirous that I should come again; and unless they succeed in getting a candidate

went.