Ajax. Thou bitch-wolf's son, canst thou not hear? Feel then. [strikes him. Ther. The plague of Greece upon thee, thou mongrel beef-witted lord! Ajax. Speak then, thou unsalted leaven, speak : I will beat thee into handsomeness. Ther. I shall sooner rail thee into wit and holiness: but, I think, thy horse will sooner con an oration, than thou learn a prayer without book. Thou canst strike, canst thou? a red murrain o' thy jade's tricks! Ajax. Toadstool, learn me the proclamation. Ther. Dost thou think, I have no sense, thou strikest me thus ? Ajax. The proclamation, Ther. Thou art proclaimed a fool, I think. Ajax. Do not, porcupine, do not; my fingers itch. Ther. I would, thou didst itch from head to foot, and I had the scratching of thee; I would make thee the loathsomest scab in Greece. When thou art forth in the incursions, thou strikest as slow as another. Ajax. I say, the proclamation,—— Ther. Thou grumblest and railest every hour on Achilles; and thou art as full of envy at his greatness, as Cerberus is at Proserpina's beauty, ay, that thou barkest at him. Ajax. Mistress Thersites ! Ther. Thou shouldst strike him. Ajax. Cobloaf! 1 Ther. He would pun2 thee into shivers with his fist, as a sailor breaks a biscuit. Ajax. You whoreson cur! Ther. Do, do. Ajax. Thou stool for a witch! 3 [beating him. Ther. Ay, do, do; thou sodden-witted lord! thou hast no more brain than I have in mine elbows; an assinego may tutor thee. Thou scurvy valiant ass! thou art here put to thrash Trojans; and thou art bought and sold among those of any wit, like a barbarian slave. If thou use to beat me, I will begin at thy heel, and tell what thou art by inches, thou thing of no bowels, thou! Ajax. You dog! Ther. You scurvy lord! Ajax. You cur! [beating him. Ther. Mars his idiot! do, rudeness; do, camel; do, do. Enter ACHILLES and PATROCLUS. Ach. Why, how now, Ajax? wherefore do you thus? How now, Thersites? what's the matter, man? Ach. Ay; what's the matter? Ther. Nay, look upon him. A crusty, uneven loaf. 2 Pound. 3 An ass: a cant term for a foolish fellow. 4 Continue. Ach. So I do. What's the matter? Ther. Nay, but regard him well. Ach. Well, why I do so. Ther. But yet you look not well upon him; for, whosoever you take him to be, he is Ajax. Ach. I know that, fool. Ther. Ay, but that fool knows not himself. Ther. Lo, lo, lo, lo, what modicums of wit he utters! his evasions have ears thus long. I have bobbed his brain more than he has beat my bones : I will buy nine sparrows for a penny, and his pia mater is not worth the ninth part of a sparrow. This lord, Achilles, Ajax,-who wears his wit in his belly, and his guts in his head;—I'll tell you what I say of him. Ach. What? Ther. I say, this Ajax- [Ajax offers to strike him; Achilles interposes. Ther. Has not so much wit Ach. Nay, I must hold you. Ther. As will stop the eye of Helen's needle, for whom he comes to fight. Ach. Peace, fool! Ther. I would have peace and quietness, but the fool will not: he there; that he; look you there. Ajax. O thou damned cur! I shall A membrane covering the substance of the brain. Ach. Will you set your wit to a fool's? Ther. No, I warrant you; for a fool's will shame it. Pat. Good words, Thersites. Ach. What's the quarrel? Ajax. I bade the vile owl go learn me the tenor of the proclamation, and he rails upon me. Ther. I serve thee not. Ajax. Well, go to, go to. Ther. I serve here voluntary. Ach. Your last service was sufferance, 'twas not voluntary; no man is beaten voluntary: Ajax was here the voluntary, and you as under an impress. Ther. Even so? a great deal of your wit too lies in your sinews, or else there be liars. Hector shall have a great catch, if he knock out either of your brains; 'a were as good crack a fusty nut with no kernel. Ach. What, with me too, Thersites ? Ther. There's Ulysses, and old Nestor,-whose wit was mouldy ere your grandsires had nails on their toes,-yoke you like draught oxen, and make you plough up the wars. Ach. What, what? Ther. Yes, good sooth: to, Achilles! to, Ajax ! to! Ajax. I shall cut out your tongue. Ther. 'Tis no matter: I shall speak as much as thou afterwards. Pat. No more words, Thersites; peace. Ther. I will hold my peace when Achilles' brach 1 bids me, shall I ? Ach. There's for you, Patroclus. Ther. I will see you hanged, like clotpoles, ere I come any more to your tents: I will keep where there is wit stirring, and leave the faction of fools. [Exit. Pat. A good riddance. That Hector, by the first hour of the sun, Ach. I know not; it is put to lottery, otherwise He knew his man. Ajax. O, meaning you :—I'll go learn more of it. [Exeunt. SCENE II. Troy. A room in Priam's palace. Enter PRIAM, HECTOR, TROILUS, PARIS, and HELENUS. Pri. After so many hours, lives, speeches spent, Thus once again says Nestor from the Greeks; Bitch, hound. |