be punished in some one of the two following ways: They shall' be joined together in marriage within this current year; that so they may administer to each others penitential exercises; and employ themselves in discussing their own family comforts; leaving their neighbours to enjoy the same important privilege. Or they shall be condemned to view themselves in a lookingglass, six hours out of every twenty-four; that from the enchanting contemplation of their own personal charms, they may learn to be lenient to the defects of others. Out of compassion

for their numerous infirmities, we permit them to choose for themselves.

Let it be also understood that we totally disown Master Tippy Tassel, who arrived in this neighbourhood last summer from Boston; and who pretends to judge of our conduct and abilities by the collars of our coats, the frizzle of our hair; and the blacking of our boots. Now provided this said Master Tippy Tassel do not henceforth cease from his impertinences, it is ordered, that the first who meets him shall lay violent hands upon him (provided he will not quietly submit) cut the tassels off his boots and the toupee from his fore-head, for the doing of which, this shall be his sufficient warrant.

We can now, commit ourselves to the judgment of a discerning public, well convinced, that we, who are "good men, and true," will not be held responsible for any improprieties com- . mitted by such notorious offenders, as those just now enumera-... ted.

It is likewise hoped, that the members of our society will, in future, stand more upon the alert; detect, and punish all such insolent pretenders, without fear or favour either of rank, or profession. Whether they whine in religion or bravado in politics; whether they stalk in the study, or flutter in the drawing room, let them without hesitation, be pointed out as impostors. No longer let them be suffered to expose the character of the inexperienced to the insulting sneer of ridicule; nor betray it unprotected, into the cruel hands of Malice. No longer let them assume an appearance, when they have no pretensions to the reality. Compel them to be what they seem; or seem what they are."

Now, as there is nothing which I have more at heart, than the credit and success of all real Motivemongers, I beg leave to subjoin the following plan, which if properly carried into effect will serve to diffuse the knowledge of our principles and practice; and render still more effectual our benevolent endeavours, to promote the welfare of mankind. My plan is simply this: To establish an Academy of Motivemongery, for the education of those who may be desirous of acquiring a radical knowledge of

the art. This Academy shall consist of two departments; the one under my own immediate inspection, is intended for the education of the gentlemen. The other to be conducted by my good friend Mrs. Circumspect, shall be devoted to the instruction of the ladies.

Mrs. Circumspect has a peculiar tenderness for the youthful part of the female world. She expresses a modest, but confident hope, that, by attending to her instructions, they will be preserved from many of those snares into which inexperience is apt to betray them. Guided by her sage direction, the heart that in unsuspecting innocence, beats with credulous delight, to the treacherous voice of designing flattery, shall be timely rescued from the base betrayer, and preserved from the pang of agonizing disappointment.

Guarded by her unremitting care, the blooming blossom of sixteen shall safely blow in all her kindling charms. Her unerring rules will at once discover whether the gay gallant who flutters round, be like the gaudy butterfly, which lights on the flower, admires its fair texture for a moment, then inconstant, fleets away to another; or the designing bee, which lights with fond caresses on its leaves, but bears away its sweets, and then forgets its kindness; or, as the gentle Florist, who. viewing its mild blushing modesty, transplants it to some genial sheltered spot, there guards it from each cold and withering blast, cherishes its beauties in their bloom, and sees new graces flourish as the former fade. It will be the constant endeavour of Mrs. Circumspect to propose to the youthful female mind, such subjects of inquiry as will excite in them a laudable desire for information, and give energy and activity to those powers of soul, which often languish amidst trifles, or perish for want of employment.

In the other department, particular attention will be paid to the instruction of young gentlemen. They shall be furnished with rules explanatory of the true meaning of glances, winks, and smiles. For often when all these are lavished in seeming kindness, within the heart, sly fraud and cold disdain lurk unperceived, and watch to make them wretched.

This part shall not be neglected, for I have observed the evil, and am determined to counteract it with all my abilities and influence. One instance may here be subjoined. It may be a useful warning in similar circumstances.

The case to which I allude is that of an acquaintance of mine. who possesses in common with the rest of young men, the vanity of wishing to become agreeable; unfortunately for him he soon learned to become ridiculous. This young gentleman is possessed of a most untunable pipe. A more unharmonious voice never grated on the ear of mortal. Judge then of my surprise when

I discovered him one evening vociferating in the most hideous tones imaginable, to the inexpressible entertainment of a very considerable party. I observed some strangers present, who were particularly tickled by my friends performance; and under some feigned excuse, laughed at him most immoderately. This exhibition did not end with one song, but through the entire length of a small volume he bellowed with the most confidential composure. I could not for some time comprehend what might be the cause of this musical mania; but I soon found out he had been ogling Miss Kitty, and she had persuaded him he could warble like an Incledon.

His performances, however, did not cease here; he soon gave another display of his folly, and another triumph to the amusing artifices of this ingenious young lady.

He is none of the most active mortals; and of all things most indifferently calculated for leaping. Walking, however in company with Miss Kitty and some others, along the banks of a muddy river, it entered her brain, if possible, to get him a dip. She acordingly endeavoured to persuade some of the gentlemen to leap over, adding, that she was certain Mr. Clumsy could do it in an instant. To be sure he did it; and with a witness too, for in he plunged to his middle in mud, and was with difficulty extracted, with the loss of one of his shoes. After this, he marched homeward, deploring his misfortune; his lower extremities ornamented in all the majesty of mud." It is now some time since I have seen him; but I am sure he is not yet cured of his follies provided Miss Kitty continues to inspire them. This was, indeed, a mere country-prank; but I imagine we might find a few city-bred follies originating from the same cause.

Our

It is not intended that our labours shall cease with the removal of one trifling evil, which obstructs the path of a few only. We shall endeavour to qualify our pupils for acting their parts, with propriety and honour, on the varying stage of human life. great object will be to inculcate this truth: "That it ought to be in the world as it is on the theatre, where king and beggar receive their applause, as king or beggar is acted best."

We shall labour to eradicate these prejudices, those hereditary antipathies, which different stations and professions, are accustomed to entertain against each other: to prepare the understanding by rational exercise, for discharging the office of a counsellor with abilities and fidelity. Thus we will send forth the adventurer in the pursuit of truth, determined to search for it in every quarter, and receive it from every one who may be willing to communicate it.

We will endeavour to furnish him with a key to the cabinet of the heart; he will unlock its mystic springs; and estimate its

secret contents. He will learn to discover and despise the flatterer. He will escape the snare of the artful villain. He will distinguish, he will esteem, he will become an honest man.

Provided, now, I shall meet sufficient encouragement towards the establishment of this our intended Academy; it is farther proposed, that as soon as a sufficient number of pupils shall receive a regular education at the Academy, and be judged properly qualified to practice in the aforesaid art, we shall establish one of them in each street of every city and borough, throughout the various States of this flourishing Union; also, one in each village of one street, inhabited by twenty families, or upwards; and in particular districts of the country, where such may be deemed necessary. Now this said pupil (being first duly examined, and found qualified) shall be fully authorised to practise the sublime mystery of a Motivemonger.

This will prevent all imposters from deceiving the ignorant by their unlearned decisions; and will render information accessible to all who may be curious to inquire. For the benefit of the public, it is intended that every qualified practitioner, shall have affixed over his or her door, in large capitals, a notice to this effect; "Candid Reasonwhy, Motivemonger regular, for the street, village, or distrist of Queredale." In all cases where discernment is necessary, these shall be consulted; and their decision shall invariably be deemed final; only, with reservation of appeal in cases of great difficulty, to

RIDDLEDUM SECONDSIGHT,
Motivemonger General

Reconnoitring-Hill.

A THOROUGH-PACED ENEMY TO INNOVATION.

A writer in the Gentleman's Magazine, while opposing the introduction of the Vaccine innoculation, remarked, "that he was determined to go to church through the same dirty road, where his ancestors trudged before him; that if his ancestors had worshipped Belzebub, he would have worshipped Belzebub also; that he wishes to practice physic, as he always has prac tised it; and that he is a sworn enemy to all innovation in religion, politics, and physic!" Many would go as far in bigotry, though but few would have equal candour in avowing it, as this redoubtable champion for things and opinions, as they are.

POETRY.

FOR THE AMERICAN MONTHLY MAGAZINE. | Like sable cloud in burning skies,