have made them square? I am ashamed to go into company, because I have not a handsome carriage of the head and neck. What the backboard and girdle can do, has been tried to press in the prominent os humeri; but sad experience teaches, that she may as soon wash the Ethiopian white as make that even which the Almighty hath made crooked. Nor less afflicted is her kinswoman on account of the yellowness of her skin.

AVAR. I have heard several people of allowed knowledge, modestly wish that all court ladies laboured under the same misfortune the last unhappy gentlewoman does; being persuaded that if it were so, naked breasts would never more be brought into fashion, to the annoyance of the gentlemen, and the scandal of the ladies, for you know fashions are all born at court.

FAST. Not at the court of London, Avaro, but Versailles, therefore it would indicate better sense in your knowing people, to wish the French ladies the above misfortune. It is held an act of high treason against the French, for the English court to receive any fashion which hath not had a certificate from Versailles. This policy seems indeed very mysterious, when we consider that the British heroes can so effectually drub the monsieurs, as to make them cry pecavi, and at the same time the French ladies should have the English in such absolute subjection.

It is impossible for any person to conceive the trouble I have in preparing those ladies for the ball or assembly, or pantheon, and what art I am obliged to employ, in hiling their supposed defects and redundancies. The lady who fancies her stature to be somewhat too low, obliges me to add to it the whole length of a super-tall pair of wooden heels, and is extremely careful to set off her little body to all advantage possible, so that every beholder must be struck with the most perfect gentility of her appearance. On the other hand, her neighbour who is over tall, is as careful on her part, to have the flattest heels that can be wore, and is equally industrious in decking to the best advantage the whole of her extravagant height.

Nor hath their neighbour who is affected with a dun and yellow skin, less trouble and anxiety of mind, besides her great toil of body. The waste she makes of wash-balls, and the best recommended cosmetics, together with her own, and her servants' labour, in endeavouring to rub off the native tinct, is not to be conceived. But alas! it is labour in vain. All the comfort which remains for her, is derived from a black necklace assisted by two or three well disposed patches, which she hopes may in some measure overcloud the hated yellowness of the adjacent parts.

So absolutely foolish are they, that I have some subjects who say, "Ah me! why were my ankles made so strong and fleshy? O that they had been slender and genteel, then I should not have been thus dependant on the mantua-maker for a covering

for them." However, gentlemen, were it not a rule established among the fair sex, that ankles somewhat gross are altogether ungenteel, it would puzzle a philosopher to determine how it is that small feet and slender ankles, come to have more virtue and real worth in them, than those that are otherwise. But certainly it is deemed to be so, and those imperious dames who have been favoured to their liking, do what they can to mortify those who are less happy in their pedestals. Against this disease there is no effectual remedy. Small sized shoes formerly gave them great hopes of relief, but alas! they generally made cripples of their

wearers.

INFID. I have always observed, that when people have applied to the artist to have that mended which they think the Almighty hath marred, the punishment is connected with the crime, as a token of the just resentment of a jealous God, who hath left none of his works imperfect; and who would have them all, as indeed they ought to be, well esteemed. Hence come corns upon the feet, and far greater unevenness in the symmetry of the body, than was before their application to the mechanic.

FAST. Another of my disciples has got hair of a madder red, and such is her folly, that it grieves her beyond measure. But with all my wisdom I could never find out the reason why red hair should be any more scandalous than yellow or flaxen locks: or how it is, that scarlet is held to be such a courtly colour upon broadcloth, and yet so scandalous for a lady to have her head of a scarlet colour. But the lady herself is so apprehensive of the scandal, that she is obliged to exchange her native locks with a neighbouring barber, for a set of flaxen false curls; these she flatters herself will very well become the native fairness of her skin.

Perhaps indeed, to spare the natural crop, she may blind the eyes of beholders with powder, which may help to conceal the awful secret. The like expedient is used by women of a coquetish disposition, when to their great grief and inconsolable sorrow they first perceive old age dying a whiteness upon their temples. In order to prevent the world having any suspicion that she is advanced in years, the coquet procures a defence against the appearance of hoary hairs, and thus she keeps herself as much as possible from the belief that she is growing old, till the detested wrinkles on her forehead betray the fatal secret, and then she declines faster than other women, because her grief gives swiftness to her decay. Another lady is exceedingly grieved every time she looks in her glass, because, as she thinks, her face is too much upon the fire to be deemed lovely; but she comforts herself with the reflection that she hath good features, and the great artist when he finished her has left a dimple in her chin. On the other hand, her cousin beholds a system of agreeable features in her own countenance: but oh the dejece

tion of her heart, on recollecting the paleness of her lips. To supply the defects of nature in this, before she goes abroad, she has recourse to her pencil and vermillion shell. Thus she has some means of comfort within her power, but her poor sister who is seamed with the small pox, is quite inconsolable. If at any time she expresses satisfaction, it is in speaking of the former agreeableness of her features, and fairness of her skin. But alas! her joy is presently clouded with the melancholy consideration that they are for ever gone. Some ladies are highly offended because their hands are so big, others that their fingers are too short; and now and then you may meet with one who is dreadfully tormented underneath a king Richard back; which is sure to prove an intolerable burden all the life of the unhappy woman.

INFID. Nothing more fully demonstrates our dominion in the hearts of mankind, than their being ashamed of their shapes and physiognomy; the supposed deformity of which they could by no means have prevented. Every degree of this kind of shame is a tacit reproach of the Creator, and therefore daringly impious. Many you may find ashamed of the innocent defects of their outward frame, who are not in the least ashamed of their vain lives and immoral conversations; to rectify which ought to be their principal concern. And were there but as much pains taken to rectify the disorders of civil life, as there are to hide the supposed defects and redundancies of the body, and to alter the tincture of the skin, the world would be very different from what it is. But you take care to prevent that, Impiator.

DIS. One who has made mankind no part of his study, would deem it impossible for rational beings to be ashamed of and con cerned for innocent deformities of the body, with which no person of common sense will ever upbraid them, and which never can by any means lessen the esteem of the judicious (for who can make that straight which the Almighty hath made crooked, or white which he hath made brown?) and at the same time neglect the infinitely more valuable mind.

INFID. By your account, sir, your vassals have got a wrong notion of beauty, as by our long observation it appears we may sometimes see a great deal of beauty in a person whose bodily parts no way tend to recommend him. Real beauty lies in the constitution of the mind and the proper use of its intellectual faculties every thing else compared with this is like tinsel when compared with the purest gold.

That person appears truly amiable without external comeliness, who can bear the lack of it with a becoming grace: and who, to make up for all outward defects, is studious to embellish the immortal mind. That is a part of man always capable of improvement; but for the body they may fret, murmur, and repine at its defects as much as they will, they plainly see it does

not mend the matter, for who by taking thought can add one cubit to his stature, or make one hair whiter or blacker?

FAST. Such is my dominion now, nor was it less in the more early ages. I made rude work in the tents of Jacob between his two wives and among his sons; and by those means I greatly disturbed them whom I could not destroy.

INVIDIO. I have till now been silent, but beg leave to observe, that I think our labour is far from being lost. Seeing, though we are permitted to destroy none who are good and virtuous, we have the pleasure of distressing and distracting them. And certainly no music can be so agreeable to our ears as the sighs and groans of our enemies. There is something so agreeable in the destruction of infidels and distracting the rest of mankind, that I have often heard our father Belzebub say, he would rather aggravate his own torment a thousand degrees than be robbed of that pleasure. His and our happiness lies chiefly in distressing mankind, especially the virtuous and good, notwithstanding he overheard Immanuel when he said, "I give unto them eternal life, and none shall pluck them out of my hands."

ÁVAR. One would wonder it did not wholly discourage him from making further attempts against such people, especially if what I have heard is true: I mean that every affliction which they endure by his means, will be an aggravation to his own misery; but his hatred against them is implacable.

FAST. It is not altogether his hatred and malice against them, which excite him to persecute them with such unwearied diligence: but it happened on a time that Belzebub was by, when one of his heavenly heralds declared, "That in all the afflictions of his people Immanuel himself is afflicted." And at another time he heard another say, "That Immanuel is touched with a sense of human infirmities ;"---" Nay then," said he to himself, "they shall not want for afflictions if I should endure a thousand hells It will be a heaven of delight to me, to see my fiery darts bound off from the persons to whom they are shot, and strike him whom I have in the most perfect abhorrence." So that it is Immanuel himself, rather than those who believe in him, at whom Satan is so much enraged.

To return to my story---By my means the knot of sisterhood between Rachel and Leah was disunited, friendship and love fled to a distance far remote from their tents. But this was not the finishing stroke of my artifice, for when cae generation passed away, you might always be sure to find me with those who made their appearance next upon the stage of action. Hence I was found with the sons of Jacob, and made them perpetrate deeds very unworthy of the patriarchal character, and that even in the lifetime of their father. The destruction of the Hivites by the sword of Simeon and Levi, in revenge of Shechem's rape on

their sister Dinah, was wholly by my instigation. They grieved, and that justly, but pride alone called up the demons of revenge and cruelty, who drenched themselves in Canaanitish blood.

When Joseph dreamed of his future advancement, I prevailed with his brethren to hate him, and give admission to every baleful demon; under whose influence, even at the hazard of their father's life, they sold him into Egypt. There I stirred up Sabrina, the wife of Potiphar, to revenge her slighted charms upon him; Joseph himself to swear by the life of Pharaoh, and to carry it very strangely to his brethren in the time of their affliction, notwithstanding he himself had seen such wonders of Divine Providence, as mentioned by the writer of his life. Just it was that his brethren should have been afflicted for their former perfidy and baseness, but Joseph could never have been persuaded to be instrumental therein, but by my instigation.

IMP. I am surprised, sir, you should select the history of those reputed the best of men, for exemplifying your dominion: whereas you make no mention of Ham, Ishmael, Esau, &c. I thought your dominion over them was more full than over the other.

FAST. I mention the best on purpose to save myself trouble, cousin. For when you hear of my power over them, you will easily conceive that my dominion over the rest of mankind must be absolute. I might indeed do myself honour, by telling you of the part I had in the lewdness of Ham, the despite of Ishmael, Esau's revenge, &c. &c. but I understand it as all implied in the present plan of my narrative. Indeed it would be endless to tell you of even a thousandth part of my achievements; and I am persuaded it is more agreeable to you to hear of my occasional prevalence over the virtuous, than to have a full display of my uninterrupted dominion over the infidel part of mankind without it.

Yet it may not be amiss by way of specimen, to give you one instance of my influence over Infidels in general. Amongst the millions I might adduce, I shall refer you to Basuris Pharaoh king of Egypt, in the days of Moses and Aaron. Notwithstanding the mighty signs and wonders which God wrought by the hand of his Hebrew servants, he was so absolutely under my dominion, that he hardened himself against the Almighty, disregarded the voice of his prophets, and would not suffer the people to go into the wilderness to worship. Moses and Aaron wrought works unprecedented, in the presence of the king and his nobles; but I persuaded him that the whole was effected by the power of magic, and that Jannes and Jambres his own enchanters, could do the same were they called to it.

I had got such possession of his heart before any miracles were wrought, that he thought himself inferior to no being whatever, and scorned subjection even to the Almighty. Pharaoh's