THE MODERN TIPPLING PHILOSOPHERS. FATHER HODGE* had his pipe and his dram, Which procured him the surname of Bacon. Des Cartes bore a musket, they tell us, Of his system the cause and design We no more can be posed to explain : The materia subtilis was wine And the vortices whirl'd in his brain.. *Roger Bacon, the father of experimental philosophy. He flourished in the 13th century. Old Hobbes, as his name plainly shows, At a bob-nob was frequently tried: That all virtue from selfishness rose He believed, and all laughter from pride.* The truth of this creed he would brag on, In the pride of his heart he would laugh. Sir Isaac discovered, it seems, As to Berkeley's philosophy-he has Left his poor pupils nought to inherit, *See The Spectator, No. 47. † Hobbes was a great smoker, and wrote what some have been pleased to call a Translation of Homer. But a swarm of deceitful ideas Kept, like other monsters, in spirit.* Tar-drinkers can't think what's the matter, One Mandeville once, or Man-devil, DH ate a swinging great dinner, Said there was neither spirit nor matter. *He taught that the external universe has no existence, but an ideal one, in the mind (or spirit) that perceives it: and he thought tar-water an universal remedy. † Private vices public benefits. Now there's no sober man in the nation, Who such nonsense could write, speak, or think : It follows, by fair demonstration, That he philosophiz'd in his drink. As a smuggler even P could sin; Who, in hopes the poor guager of frightening, While he filled the case-bottles with gin, Swore he fill'd them with thunder and lightning.* In his cups, (when Locke's laid on the shelf) Could he speak, he would frankly confess it t'ye, That, unable to manage himself, He puts his whole trust in Necessity. If the young in rash folly engage, The thirst he acquired when a devil.† After finding, from many a trial, That drought may be kindled by drink.. * Electrical batteries. + Bred a printer. This was written long before Dr. Franklin's death. A certain high priest could explain,*. How the soul is but nerve at the most; And sure, it is what they deserve, They are not even dictates of nerve, Our Holland Philosophers say, Gin But wisdom, and downright philosophy. Ye sages, who shine in my verse, On my labours with gratitude think, * Dr. L. Bp. of C. is probably the person here alluded to. He was a zealous materialist. ↑ He resolved Perception and Thinking into vibrations, and (what he called) vibratiuncles of the brain. |