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you shall be answered here ; here be them have been among soldiers. Sir, your pleasure ?
Bob. Faith, sir, so it is ; this gentleman and myself, have been most uncivilly wronged and beaten by one Downright, a coarse fellow about the town here; and, for my own part, I protest, being a man in no sort given to this filthy humour of quarrelling, he hath assaulted me in the way of my peace; despoiled me of mine honour, disarmed me of my weapons, and rudely laid me along in the open streets, when I not so much as oice offered to resist him.
Clem. Oh, God's precious! Is this the soldier Lie there, my sword, 'twill make him swoon, I fear; he is not fit to look on't, that will put up a blow !
Mat. An't please your worship, he was bound to
Clem. Why, an' he were, sir, his hands were not bound, were they?
Serv. There's one of the varlets of the city, sir, has brought two gentlemen here, one upon your worship's warrant!
Clem. My warrant ?
Serv. Yes, sir, the Officer says, procured by these two.
Clem. Bid him come in.-Set by this picture. What, Mr. Downright! are you brought at Mr.Freshwater's suit here, Enter DOWNRIGHT, STEPHEN, and BRAINWORM. Down. I'faith, sir. And here's another, brought at
Clem. What are you, sir?
Step. God's my witness, uncle, I am wronged here monstrously; he charges me with stealing of his cloak,
and would I might never stir, if I did not find it in the street by chance.
Down. Oh, did you find it, now! You said you bought it ere-while. Step. And
said I stole it. Nay, now my uncle is here, I'll do well enough with
you. Clem. Well, let this breathe awhile. You, that have cause to complain there, stand forth. Had you my warrant for this gentleman's apprehension ?
Bob. Ay, an't please your worship-
Clem. That's well, an' my clerk can make warrants, and my hand not at them! Where is the warrant? Officer, have you it?
Brain. No, sir, your worship’s man, Master Formal, bid me do it for these gentlemen, and he would be my discharge.
Clem. Why, Master Downright, are you such a novice to be served, and never see the warrant !
Down. Sir, he did not serve it on me.
Down. Marry, sir, he came to me, and said, he must serve it, and he would use me kindly, and so—
Clem. (), God's pity, was it so, sir? He must serve it? Give me a warrant, I must serve one too-you knave, you slave, you rogue, do you say you must, sirrah ? Away with him to the gaol. I'll teach you a trick for your must, sir.
Brain. Good sir, I beseech you be good to me.
Clem. Tell him, he shall to the gaol: away with him, I say:
Brain. Ay, sir, if you will commit me, it shall be for committing more than this. I will not lose by my travail any grain of my fame certain.
(Throws off his Disguise.
Clem. How is this?
Step. O yes, uncle, Brainworm has been with my cousin Edward and I, all this day.
Clem. I told you all, there was some device.
Brain. Nay, excellent Justice, since I have laid myself thus open to you, now stand strong for me, both with
your sword and your balance. Clem. Body o'me, a merry knave! Give me a bowl of sack.--If he belongs to you, Master Kno'well, I bespeak your patience.
Brain. That is it I have most need of.-Sir, if you'll pardon me only, I'll glory in all the rest of my exploits.
Kno. Sir, you know I love not to have my favours come hard from me. You have your pardon; though I suspect you shrewdly for being of counsel with son against me.
Brain. Yes, faith, I have, sir; though you retained me doubly this morning for yourself; first, as Brainworm, after, as Fitzsword. I was your reformed soldier. 'Twas I sent you to Cob's upon the errand without end.
Kno. Is it possible ! Or that thou shouldst disguise thyself so as I should not know thee?
Brain. () sir! this has been the day of my metamorphosis; it is not that shape alone that I have run through to-day. I brought Master Kitely a message too, in the form of Master Justice's man here, to draw him out of the way, as well as your worship, while Master Wellbred might make a conveyance of Mistress Bridget to my young master.
Kno. My son is not married, I hope ?
Brain. Faith, sır, they are both as sure as love, a priest, and three thousand pounds, which is her portion, can make them; and by this time are ready to bespeak their wedding supper at the Windmill, except some friend here prevent them, and invite them home.
Clem. Marry, that will I; I thank thee for putting me in mind on't. Sirrah, go you and fetch them hither, upon my warrant. Neither's friends have cause to be sorry, if I know the young couple aright. But, I pray thee, what hast thou done with my man, Formal ?
Brain. Faith, sir, after some ceremony past, as making him drunk, first with story, and then with wine, but all in kindness, and stripping him to his shirt, I left him in that cool vein; departed, sold your worship’s warrant to these two, pawned his livery for that varlet's gown to serve it in, and thus have brought myself, by my activity, to your worship's consideration.
Clem, And I will consider thee in a cup of sack. Here's to thee, which having drank off, this is my sentence-pledge me. Thou hast done, or assisted to nothing, in my judgment, but deserves to be pardoned for the wit of the offence. Go into the next room; let Master Kitely into this whimsical business, and if he does not forgive thee, he has less mirth in him than an honest man ought have.
Step. And what shall I do? Clem. O! I had lost a sheep, an'he had not bleated. Why, sir, you shall give Mr. Downright his cloak, and I will entreat him to take it. A trencher and a napkin you shall have in the buttery, and keep Cob and his wife company here ; whom I will entreat first to be reconciled; and you to endeavour with your wit to keep them so. Step. I'll do
best. Clem. Call Master Kitely and his wife, there.
Enter KITELY and DAME KITELY. Did I not tell you there was a plot against you? Did I not smell it out, as a wise magistrate ought?Have not you traced, have not you found it, eh, Master Kitely?
Kite. I have I confess my folly, and own I have deserved what I have suffered for it. The trial has been severe, but it is past. All I have to ask now, is, that, as my folly is cured, and my persecutors forgiven, my
be forgotten. Clem. That will depend upon yourself, Master Kitely; do not yourself create the food for mischief, and the mischievous will not prey upon you. But, come, let a general reconciliation go round, and let all discontents be laid aside. You, Mr. Downright, put off your anger : you, Master Kno’well, your cares. And do you, Master Kitely, and your wife, put off your jealousies. Kite. Sir, thus they go from me: kiss me, my
wife. See, what a drove of horns fly in the air, Wing’d with my cleansed and my credulous breath : Watch 'em, suspicious eyes, watch where they fall, See, see, on heads, that think they've none at all. O, what a plenteous world of this will come, When air rains horns, all may be sure of some.