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Luc. Till we come home again, I would forbear. Hath homely age the alluring beauty took Adr. Patience, unmov'd, no marvel though she From my poor cheek ? then he hath wasted it; pause ;

Are my discourses dull ? barren my wit ? They can be meek, that have no other cause. If voluble and sharp discourse be marr'd, A wretched soul, bruis'd with adversity,

Unkindness blunts it, more than marble bard.
We bid be quiet, when we hear it cry;

Do their gay vestments his affections bait?
But were we burden'd with like weight of pain, That's not my fault, he's master of my state :
As much, or more, we should ourselves complain : What ruins are in me, that can be found
So thou, that hast no unkind mate to grieve thee, By him not ruin'd? then is he the ground
With urging helpless patience would'st relieve me: Of my defeatures : My decayed fair
But, if thou live to see like right bereft,

A sunny look of his would soon repair ;
This fool-begg'd patience in thee will be left. But, too unruly deer, he breaks the pale,

Luc. Well, I will marry one day, but to try ;- And feeds from home ; poor I am but his stale. Here comes your man, now is your husband nigh. Luc. Self-harming jealousy ! fye, beat it hence. Enter Dromio of Ephesus.

Adr, Unfeeling fools can with such wrong dis

pense, Adr. Say, is your tardy master now at hand ?

I know his eye doth homage otherwhere ; Dro. E. Nay, he is at two hands with me, and or else, what lets it but he would be here? that my two ears can witness.

Sister, you know, he promis'd me a chains Adr. Say, didst thou speak with him? know'st Would that alone alone he would detain, thou his mind ?

So he would keep fair quarter with his bed! Dro. E. Ay, ay, he told his mind upon mine I see, the jewel best enamelled, ear; Beshrew his hand, I scarce could understand it.

Will lose his beauty; and though gold 'bides still, Luc. Spake he so doubtfully, thou couldst not That others touch, yet often touching will feel his meaning ?

Wear gold ; and so no man that hath a name,
Dro. E. Nay, he struck so plainly, I could too But falsehood and corruption doth it shame.
well feel his blows; and withal so doubtfully, that Since that my beauty cannot please his eye,
I could scarce understand them.

I'll weep what's left away, and weeping die.
Adr. But say, I pr’ythee, is he coming home?

Luc. How many fond fools serve mad jealousy!) It seems he hath great care to please his wife.

(Ereunt. Dro. E. Why, mistress, sure my master is horn. mad.

SCENE II. The same.
Adr. Horn-mad, thou villain ?
Dro. E. I mean not cuckold-mad; but, sure,

Enter ANTIPHOLUB of Syracuse.
he's stark mad ;

Ant. $. The gold, I gave to Dromio, 'is laid up When I desir'd him to come home to dinner,

Safe at the Centaur; and the heedful slave He ask'd me for a thousand marks in gold :

Is wander'd forth, in care to seek me out, 'Tis dinner time, quoth I; My gold, quoth he :

By computation, and mine host's report, Your meat doth burn, quoth I; My gold, quoth he:

I could not speak with Dromio, since at first Will you come home ? quoth I; My gold, quoth he:

I sent him from the mart: See, here he cornes.' Where is the thousand marks I gave, thee, villain ? The pig, quoth I, is burn'd; My gold, quoth he :

Enter Dromio of Syracuse. My mistress, sir, quoth I; Hang up thy mistress ; How now, sir ? is your merry humour alter d ? I know not thy mistress ; out on thy mistress ! As you love strokes, so jest with me again. Luc. Quoth who?

You know no Centaur you receiv'd no gold? Dro. E. Quoth my master :

Your mistress sent to have me home to dinner? I know, quoth he, no house, no wife, no mistress ; My house was at the Phænix ? Wast thou mad, So that my errand, due unto my tongue,

That thus so madly thou didst answer me? I thank him, I bare home upon my shoulders ; Dro. S. What answer, sir ? when spake I such a For, in conclusion, he did beat me there.

word ? Adr. Go back again, thou slave, and fetch him Ant. S. Even now, even here, not half an hour home.

since. Dro. E. Go back again, and be new beaten Drs. S. I did not see you since you sent me home?

hence, For God's sake send some other messenger.

Home to the Centaur, with the gold you gave me. Adr. Back, slave, or I will break thy pate across. Ant. S. Villain, thou didst deny the gold's reDro. E. And he will bless that cross with other

ceipt; beating :

And told'st me of a mistress, and a dinner ; Between you I shall have a holy head.

For which, I hope, thou felt'st I was displeas'd. Adr. Hence, prating peasant; fetch thy master

Dro. s. I am glad to see you in this merry vein : home.

What means this jest? I pray you, master, tell me. Dro. E. Am I so round with you, as you with Ant. S. Yea, dost thou jeer, and flout me in the

teeth? That like a football you do spurn me thus ? Think'st thou, I jest ? Hold, take thou that, and You spurn me hence, and he will spurn me hither :


(Beating his If I last in this service, you must case me in leather. Dro. S. Hold, sir, for God's sake : now your jesi


is earnest : Luc. Fye, how impatience lowreth in your face ! Upon what bargain do you give it me ? Aur. His company must do his minions grace, Ant. S. Because that I familjarly sometimes Whilst I at home starve for a merry look.

Do use you for my fool, and chat with you,


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Year sauciness will jest upon my love,

Ant. S. Nay, not sure, in a thing falsing. And make a common of my serious hours.

Dro. S. Certain ones then. When the sun shines, let foolish gnats make sport, Ant. . Name them. But creep in crannies, when he hides his beams. Dro. S. The one, to save the money that he spends If you will jest with me, know my aspect,

in tiring; the other, that at dinner they should not And fashion your demeanour to my looks,

drop in his porridge. Or I will beat this method in your sconce.

Ant. s. You would 'all this time have proved, Dro. $. Sconce, call you it ? so you would leave there is no time for all things. battering, I had rather have it a head : an you use Dro. S. Marry, and did, sir ; namely, no time to these blows long, I must get a sconce for my head, recover hair

lost by nature. and insconce it too; or else I shall seek my wit in Ant. S. But your reason was not substantial, my shoulders. But, I pray sir, why am I beaten ? | why there is no time to recover. AN. S. Dost thou not know?

Dro. S. Thus I mend it: Time himself is bald, Dr. S. Nothing, sir ; but that I am beaten. and therefore, to the world's end, will have bald fol. Aut. S. Shall I tell you why?

lowers. Dro. S. Ay, sir, and wherefore; for, they say, Ant. s. I knew, 'twould be a bald conclusion : every why hath a wherefore.

But soft! who wafts us yonder ? Ant. § Why, first,- for flouting me; and then,

Enter ADRIANA and LUCIANA. wherefore, For urging it the second time to me.

Adr. Ay, ay, Antipholus, look strange, and frown; Dro. S. Was there ever any man thus beaten out

Some other mistress hath thy sweet aspécts, of season?

am not Adriana, nor thy wife. When, in the why, and the wherefore, is neither The time was once, when thou unurg'd would'st vow rhyme nor reason ?

That never words were musick to thine ear, Well, sir, I thank you.

That never object pleasing in thine eye, Ant. s. Thank me, sir? for what?

That never touch well-welcome to thy hand, Dre. S. Marry, sir, for this something that you That never meat sweet-savour'd in thy taste, gave me for nothing.

Unless I spake, look'd, touch'd, or carv'd to thee. Ant. S. I'll make you amends next, to give you How comes it now, my husband, oh, how comes it, Dothing for something.. But, say, sir, is it dinner- That thou art then estranged from thyself? time?

Thyself I call it, being strange to me, Dro. S. No, sir; I think, the meat wants that I That undividable, incorporate, have.

Am better than thy dear self's better part. Ant. &. In good time, sir, what's that ?

Ah, do not tear away thyself from me; Dro. S. Basting.

For know, my love, as easy may'st thou fall
Ant. 8. Well, sir, then 'twill be dry.

A drop of water in the breaking gulph,
Drs. &. If it be, sir, I pray you eat none of it. And take unmingled thence that drop again,
Ant. 8. Your reason ?

Without addition, or diminishing,
Dru. 8. Lest it make you cholerick, and purchase As take from me thyself, and not me too.
me another dry basting.

How dearly would it touch thee to the quick, År. S. Well, sir, learn to jest in good time; Should'st thou but hear I were licentious ? There's a time for all things.

And that this body, consecrate to thee, Dr. S. I durst have denied that, before you were By ruffian lust should be contaminate ? so cholerick.

Would'st thou not spit at me, and spurn at me, Ant. &. By what rule, sir ?

And hurl the name of husband in my face, Dro. S. Marry, sir, by a rule as plain as the plain And tear the stain'd skin off my harlot brow, bald pate of father Time himself.

And from my false hand cut the wedding ring, Ant. $. Let's hear it.

And break it with a deep-divorcing vow ? Dro. &. There's no time for a man to recover his I know thou canst ; and therefore, see, thou do it. har, that grows bald by nature.

I am possess'd with an adulterate blot;
An. S. May he not do it by fine and recovery? My blood is mingled with the crime of lust :

Dra. $. Yes to pay a fine for a peruke, and re- For, if we two be one, and thou play false,
cover the lost hair of another man.

I do digest the poison of thy flesh, Art. S. Why is Time such a niggard of hair, be- Being strumpeted by thy contagion. ing, as it is, so plentiful an excrement?

Keep then fair league and truce with thy true bed; Dro. S. Because it is a blessing that he bestows I live dis-stain’d, thou, undishonoured. ou beasts: and what he hath scanted men in hair, Ant. S. Plead you to me, fair dame? I know he hath given them in wit.

kat. . Why, but there's many a man hath more In Ephesus I am but two hours old, hair than wit.

As strange unto your town, as to your talk; Ir. S. Not a man of those, but he hath the wit Who, every word by all my wit being scann'd, to lose his hair.

Want wit in all one word to understand. Ant. S. Why, thou didst conclude hairy men Luc. Fye, brother ! how the world is chang'd plain dealers without wit.

Dro. S. The plainer dealer, the sooner lost : Yet When were you wont to use my sister thus ? be loath it in a kind of jollity.

She sent for you by Dromio home to dinner. Ant. & For what reason ?

Ant. S. By Dromio ? Dr. S. For two; and sound ones too.

Dro. Ş. By me? Art. S. Nay, not sound, I pray you.

Adr. By thee; and this thou didst return from Drs. S. Sure ones then.


you not ;

with you :

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That he did buiset thee, and, in his blows

This is the fairy land ;- 0, spite of spites !Denied my house for his, me for his wife.

We talk with goblins, owls, and elvish sprites; Ant. s. Did you converse, sir, with this gentle-If we obey them not, this will ensue, woman?

They'll suck our breath, or pinch us black and blue. What is the course and drift of your compáct? Luc. Why prat'st thou to thyself, and answer'st Dro. S. I, sir? I never saw her till this time.

not? Ant. S. Villain, thou liest; for even her very Dromio, thou drone, thou snail, thou slug, thou sot! words

Dro. S. I am transformed, master, am not I? Didst thou deliver to me on the mart.

Ant. s. I think, thou art, in mind, and so am I. Dro. S. I never spake with her in all my life, Dro. S. Nay, master, both in mind, and in my Ant. S. How can she thus then call us by our

shape. names,

Ant. $. Thou bast thine own form. Unless it be by inspiration ?

Dro. s.

No, I am an ape. Adr. How ill agrees it with your gravity,

Luc. If thou art chang'd to aught, 'tis to an ass. To counterfeit thus grossly with your slave,

Dro. s. 'Tis true; she rides me, and I long for Abetting him to thwart me in my mood ?

grass. Be it my wrong, you are from me exempt,


SO, I am an ass; else it could never be, But wrong not that wrong with a more contempt. But I should know her as well as she knows me. Come, I will fasten on this sleeve of thine :

Adr. Come, come, no longer will I be a fool, Thou art an elm, my husband, I, a vine ;

To put the finger in the eye and weep, Whose weakness, married to thy stronger state,

Whilst man, and master, laugh my woes to scorn. Makes me with thy strength to communicate : Come, sir, to dinner; Dromio, keep the gate ; If aught possess thee from me, it is dross,

Husband, I'll dine above with you to-day, Usurping ivy, briar, or idle moss;

And shrive you of a thousand idle pranks : Who, all for want of pruning, with intrusion Sirrah, if any ask you for your master, Infect thy sap, and live on thy confusion.

Say, he dines forth, and let no creature enter. Ant. . To me she speaks; she moves me for her Come, sister :- Dromio, play the porter well. theme :

Ant. S. Am I in earth, in heaven, or in hell ? What, was I married to her in my dream ?

Sleeping or waking ? mad, or well advis'd ?
Or sleep I now, and think I hear all this?

Known unto these, and to myself disguis'd !
What error drives our eyes and ears amiss ? I'll say as they say, and persever so,
Until I know this sure uncertainty,

And in this mist at all adventures go.
I'll entertain the offer'd fallacy.

Dro. S. Master, shall I be porter at the gate ? Luc. Dromio, go bid the servants spread for Adr. Ay; and let none enter, Jest I break your ner.

pate. Dro. S. O, for my beads! I cross me for a Luc. Come, come, Antipholus, we dine too late. sinner.



SCENE 1. The same.

I should kick, being kick’d; and, being at that pas,

You would keep from my heels, and beware of an ass. Enter AntiPHOLUS of Ephesus, Dromio of Ephesus,

Ant, E. You are sad, signior Balthazar: 'Pray Angelo, and Balthazar.

God, our cheer Ant. E. Good signior Angelo, you must excuse May answer my good will, and your good welcome us all

here. My wife is shrewish, when I keep not hours : Bal. I hold your dainties cheap, sir, and your Say, that I linger'd with you at your shop,

welcome dear. To see the making of her carkanet,

Ant. E. O, signior Balthazar, either at flesh or And that to-morrow you will bring it home.

fish, But here's a villain, that would face me down A table full of welcome makes scarce one dainty dish. He met me on the mart; and that I beat him, Bol. Good meat, sir, is common; that every And charg'd himn with a thousand marks in gold;

churl affords. And that I did deny my wife and house : - Ant. E. And welcome more common; for that's Thou drunkard, thou, what didst thou mean by

nothing but words. this?

Bal. Small cheer, and great welcome, makes a Dro. E. Say what you will, sir, but I know what I know :

Ant. E. Ay, to a niggardly host, and more sparThat you beat me at the mart, I have your hand to

ing guest. show :

But though my cates be mean, take them in good If the skin were parchment, and the blows you

part; gave were ink,

Better cheer may you have, but not with better Your own handwriting would tell you what I

heart. think.

But, soft; my door is lock'd; Go bid them let Ant. E. I think, thou art an ass. Dro. E.

Marry, so it doth appear Dro. E. Maud, Bridget, Marian, Cicely, Gillian, By the wrongs I suffer, and the blows I bear.


merry feast.

us in.

the gate.



you so ?



Dro. $. (Witkin.) Mome, malt-horse, capon, cor- Dro. E. They stand at the door, master; bid comb, idiot, patch!

them welcome hither. Either get thee from the door, or sit down at the Ant. E. There is something in the wind, that we hatch :

cannot get in. | Dost thou conjure for wenches, that thou call'st for Dro. E. You would say so, master, if your garsuch store,

ments were thin. When one is one too many? Go, get thee from Your cake here is warm within ; you stand here in the door.

the cold: Dro. E. What patch is made our porter? My It would make a man mad as a buck, to be so bought master stays in the street,

and sold. Dro. S. Let him walk from whence he came, lest Ant. E. Go, fetch me something, I'll break apo

he catch cold on's feet. dri. E. Who talks within there? bo, open the door. Dro. S. Break any breaking here, and I'll break Drs. S. Right, sir, I'll tell you when, an you'll

your knave's pate. tell me wherefore.

Dro. E. A man may break a word with you, sır; Aul. E. Wherefore? for my dinner ; I have not

and words are but wind ; din’d to-day.

Ay, and break it in your face, so he break it not Drs. S. Nor to-day here you must not ; come

behind. again, when you may

Dro. S. It seems, thou wantest breaking; Out An. E. What art thou, that keep'st me out from

upon thee, hind! the house I owe?

Dro. E. Here's too much, out upon thee ! I pray Drs. S. The porter for this time, sir, and my

thee, let me in. name is Dromio.

Dro. S. Ay, when fowls have no feathers, and Dro. E. O villain, thou hast stolen both mine

fish have no fin. office and my name;

Ant. E. Well, I'll break in ; Go borrow me a The one ne'er got me credit, the other mickle blame.

Dro. E. A crow without a feather; master, mean If thou had'st been Dromio to-day in my place, Thou would'st have chang'd thy face for a name,

For a fish without a fin, there's a fowl without a or thy name for an ass.

feather : Luce. (Within.] What a coil is there! Dromio, If a crow help us in, sirrah, we'll pluck a crow towho are those at the gate ?

gether. Drs. E. Let my master in, Luce.

Ant. E. Go, get thee gone, fetch me an irou Luce.

Faith no; he comes too late ; And so tell : sur master.

Bal. Have patience, sir, 0, let it not be so ; Dre. E.

O Lord, I must laugh ; - Herein you war against your reputation, Ihave at you with a proverb. — Shall I set in my

And draw within the compass of suspect staff?

The unviolated honour of your wife. Luce. Have at you with another : that's, Once this, — Your long experience of her wisdom, When ? can you tell ?

Her sober virtue, years, and modesty, Dro. S. If thy name be called Luce, Luce, thou Plead on her part some cause to you unknown ; bast answer'd him well.

And doubt not, sir, but she will well excuse sal. E. Do you hear, you minion ? you'll let us Why at this time the doors are made against you. in, I hope ?

Be rul'd by me ; depart in patience, Luce. I thought to have ask'd you.

And let us to the Tiger all to dinner : Dro. S.

And you said, no. And, about evening, come yourself alone, Dro. E. So, come, help; well struck; there was To know the reason of this strange restraint. blow for blow.

If by strong hand you offer to break in, Ant. E. Thou baggage, let me in.

Now in the stirring passage of the day, Luce.

Can you tell for whose sake? A vulgar comment will be made on it; Drs. E. Master, knock the door hard.

And that supposed by the common rout Luce.

Let him knock till it ake. Against your yet ungalled estimation, det. E. You'll cry for this, minion, if I beat the That may with foul intrusion enter in, door down.

And dwell upon your grave when you are dead : Luce. What needs all that, and a pair of stocks For slander lives upon succession ; in the town?

For ever hous'd, where once gets possession. Adr. [Within.) Who is that at the door, that Ant. E. You have prevail'd; I will depart in kexps all this poise?

quiet, Dro. S. By my troth, your town is troubled with And, in despight of mirth, mean to be merry. unruly boys.

I know a wench of excellent discourse, Aat. E. Are you there, wife ? you might have Pretty and witty ; wild, and, yet too, gentle ; come before.

There will we dine : this woman that I mean, Ads. Your wife, sir knave! go, get you from the My wife (but, I protest, without desert,) door.

IIath oftentimes upbraided me withal ; Dr. E. If you went in pain, master, this knave To her will we to dinner. Get you home, - would go sore.

And fetch the chain : by this, I know, 'tis made : Ang. Here is neither cheer, sir, nor welcome ; Bring it, I pray you, to the Porcupine; We would fain have either.

For there's the house ; that chain will I bestow Bd. In debating which was best, we shall part (Be it for nothing but to spite my wife, with neither,

Upon mine hostess there : good sir, make haste :

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ness :

Since mine own doors refuse to entertain me, Ant. S. For gazing on your beams, fair sun, I'll knock elsewhere, to see if they'll disdain me.

being by. Ang. I'll meet you at that place, some hour Luc. Gaze where you should, and that will clear hence.

your sight. Ant. E. Do so; This jest shall cost me some Ant. S. As good to wink, sweet love, as look on expence.


Luc. Why call you me love ? call my sister som
SCENE II. - The same.

Ant. S. Thy sister's sister.

That's my sister.
Enter Luciana and ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse.

Ant. S.

No; Luc. And may it be that you have quite forgot It is thyself, mine own self's better part;

A husband's office ? shall, Antipholus, hate, Mine eye's clear eye, my dear heart's dearer heart; Even in the spring of love, thy love-springs rot ? My food, my fortune, and my sweet hope's aim,

Shall love, in building, grow so ruinate? My sole earth's heaven, and my heaven's claim. If you did wed my sister for her wealth,

Luc. All this my sister is, or else should be. Then, for her wealth's sake, use her with more Ant. S. Call thyself sister, sweet, for I aim thee : kindness :

Thee will I love, and with thee lead my life ; Or, if you like elsewhere, do it by stealth ; Thou hast no husband yet, 'nor I no wife : Muffle your false love with some show of blind-Give me thy hand.


0, soft, sir, hold you still ; Let not my sister read it in your eye;

I'll fetch my sister, to get her good will. Be not thy tongue thy own shame's orator ;

[Erit Luc. Look sweet, speak fair, become disloyalty ;

Enter from the house of ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus, Apparel vice like virtue's harbinger :

DROMIO of Syracuse.
Bear a fair presence, though your heart be tainted;
Teach sin the carriage of a holy saint ;

Ant. S. Why, how now, Dromio ? where run'st Be secret-false : What need she be acquainted ?

thou so fast? What simple thief brags of his own attaint? Dro. S. Do you know me, sir ? am I Dromio ? "Tis double wrong, to truant with your bed, am I your man ? am I myself? And let her read it in thy looks at board :

Ant. s. Thou art Dromio, thou art my man, thou Shame hath a bastard fame, well managed ;

art thyself. IU deeds are doubled with an evil word.

Dro. s. I am an ass, I am a woman's man, and Alas, poor women! make us but believe,

besides myself. Being compact of credit, that you love us;

Ant. S. What woman's man? and how besides Though others have the arm, show us the sleeve ;

thyself? We in your motion turn, and you may move us. Dro. S. Marry, sir, besides myself, I am due to Then, gentle brother, get you in again;

a woman; one that claims me, one that haunts me, Comfort my sister, cheer her, call her wife: one that will have me. 'Tis holy sport, to be a little vain,

Ant. S. What claim lays she to thee? When the sweet breath of flattery conquers strife. Dro. S. Marry, sir, such claim as you would lay Ant. S. Sweet mistress, (what your name is else, I to your horse; and she would have me as a beast know not,

not that, I being a beast, she would have me ; but Nor by what wonder you do hit on mine,) that she, being a very beastly creature, lays claim Less, in your knowledge, and your grace, you show to me. not,

Ant. S. What is she? Than our earth's wonder ; more than earth divine. Dro. S. A very reverent body; ay, such a one as Teach me, dear creature, how to think and speak; a man may not speak of, without he say, sir-reverLay open to my earthy gross conceit.

ence : I have but lean luck in the match, and yet Smother'd in errors, feeble, shallow, weak,

is she a wondrous fat marriage. The folded meaning of your words' deceit.

Ant. S. How dost thou mean, a fat marriage ? Against my soul's pure truth why labour you, Dro. S. Marry, sir, she's the kitchen-wench, and

To make it wander in an unknown field ? all grease; and I know not what use to put her to, Are you a god ? would you create me new ? but to make a lamp of her, and run from her by

Transform me then, and to your power I'll yield. her own light. I warrant, her rags, and the tallow But if that I am I, then well I know,

in them, will burn a Poland winter : if she lives till Your weeping sister is no wife of mine,

doomsday, she'll burn a week longer than the whole Nor to her bed no homage do I owe;

world. Far more, far more, to'you do I decline.

Ant. S. What complexion is she of? O, train me not, sweet mermaid, with thy note, Dro. S. Swart, like my shoe, but her face nothing

To drown me in thy sister's flood of tears ; like so clean kept; For why ? she sweats, a man Sing, siren, for thyself, and I will dote :

may go over shoes in the grime of it. Spread o'er the silver waves thy golden hairs, Ant. S. That's a fault that water will mend. And as a bed I'll take thee, and there lie;

Dro. S. No, sir, 'tis in grain ; Noah's flood could And, in that glorious supposition, think

not do it.
He gains by death, that hath such means to die :: Ant. S. What's her name?

Let love, being light, be drowned if she sink ! Dro. S. Nell, sir ;- but her name and three
Luc. What, are you mad, that you do reason so ? quarters, that is an ell and three quarters, will not
Ant. S. Not mad, but mated; how, I do not measure her from hip to hip.

Ant. S. Then she bears some breadth?
Luc. It is a fault that springeth from your eye. Dro. S. No longer from head to foot, than from

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