power a thirst for applause has over my mind! I know it is of no consequence what mankind think of me, and yet I am continually seeking their approbation.

"June 29. Sabbath. Rose early, and was favored with the presence and assistance of the blessed Spirit in prayer. O, how sweet and refreshing it is to pour out our souls before God! O, the wonderful and unmerited goodness of God, in keeping me from openly disgracing my profession! If he had left me one moment to myself, I had been ruined. Next Sabbath is the communion. God grant that it may be a refreshing season to me, and many others.

"July 2. Still harassed and perplexed about my oration. Could not have believed that the desire of applause had gained such power over me.

(6 July 4. Was enabled to ask for assistance to perform the services of the day. In the evening, felt in a most sweet, humble, thankful frame. How shall I praise the Lord for all his goodness!

แ July 5. Felt much of the same temper I experienced yesterday. In the evening was favored with much of the divine presence and blessing in prayer.Mem. Applause cannot confer happiness.

"July 6. Sabbath. My infinitely gracious God is still present, to make his goodness pass before me. He has been with me this morning in prayer, and enabled me sweetly to say, My Father, my God. At the Lord's supper my gracious Savior favored me with some tokens of his presence. O that I could find words to express half his goodness, or my own vileness! I hope my faith received some increase. But what I desire to praise my God for, is his wonderful goodness in assist ing me against pride.

"July 7. Still favored with the smiles of my blessed Lord. Surely his loving-kindness is better than life. How condescendingly kind! I hope he is teaching me the value of worldly applause, and how incompetent it is to afford happiness. I have had enough to satisfy me, if there were any satisfaction in it. But happiness is to be found in God alone.

"July 18. Very little comfort in prayer. Have fallen into a sad, lifeless state the week past. Hope it will convince me more strongly than ever of my weakness and vileness. Sat up till 2 o'clock at night, talking with Mr. on religious topics. Found he had more to say in defence of Unitarianism than 1 could have supposed.

“July 24. No life at all. O that it were with me as in months past!-In the evening was favored with more of the divine presence than I have enjoyed this fortnight.

"July 25. Spent the day, according to previous resolution, in fasting and prayer. Was favored with much of the divine presence and blessing, so that it was a comfortable and profitable day to me. Called to mind the events of my past life, the mercies I have received, and the ill returns I have made for them. Felt a deep sense of my own unworthiness, and the unmerited goodness of God.

"July 27. Was alarmed with respect to my state, by reading Edwards on the Affections; but obtained comfort and assurance by prayer.

Aug. 2. Was much engaged in prayer, and thought I was humbled under a sense of sin. Was enabled to plead with some earnestness for spiritual blessings. But afterwards, reading an account of the conversion 6*

M. P.

of some persons, I was led to doubt whether I had ever known what it meant, and was much distressed.

Aug. 3. Was again disturbed with apprehensions that I knew nothing of religion; but, though I could not come to Christ as one of his members, I threw myself down before him, as a sinner who needed his mediation, and my doubts vanished.

Aug. 4. Rose with the impression that all I had formerly experienced was a delusion, and that I was still an enemy to God. Was enabled to go to Jesus, and plead earnestly for mercy, not for my own sake, but for his. I seemed determined, if I must perish, to perish at his feet; but perhaps I was deceived. However, my hopes began to revive. In the evening foolishly went into company, and had no time for prayer.

(6 Aug. 16. Seemed to be something more alive to divine things this morning. Found some sweetness in prayer and reading the Scriptures. In the evening, was much assisted in preparation for the communion to-morrow."

CHAPTER IV.

Retires to Rindge, and devotes himself exclusively to his preparation for the ministry.

In the month of August, 1806, Mr. Payson relinquished his charge of the Academy in Portland; and, "after settling his business, went on board a packet for

Boston," in which he remained several days, "tossed about by contrary winds, and wounded by the oaths and blasphemies of the wretches on board." He has described "a set" of his fellow-passengers by two words, indicative of all that is revolting to modesty and pious feeling, and suited to "vex the righteous soul;" the bare mention of which would cause others to join him in the exclamation-"How dreadful to spend an eternity among such wretches!" On the fifth day from his embarkation the vessel “arrived in Boston in a violent gale of wind, attended with some danger." He tarried in the neighborhood till after commencement, and, notwithstanding the "noise and confusion, found more pleasure than he had expected in meeting his classmates." On his way from Cambridge to Rindge, he rode as far as Groton ; but whether the stage rested there over night, or took a different route, and his desire to tread again the threshold of his beloved home alone urged him forward-so it was, that he left the stage, and “walked home from Groton after six" in the evening, and was at his journey's end "about four the next morning,” ready to “receive the congratulations of his friends." His father's house continued, from this time, to be his hallowed and chosen retirement, till he entered on the active duties of the ministry.

"Wisdom's self

"Oft seeks to sweet retired solitude;

"Where, with her best nurse, Contemplation,

"She plumes her feathers, and lets grow her wings." This step, considered in all its aspects, may justiy be regarded as one of the most important in Mr. Payson's life, and reflects the highest honor on his judg

ment and good sense. Four months previously to this time, as has been seen in the preceding pages, he seriously contemplated making application for license to preach the Gospel. Whatever were the cause that prevented him, a gracious Providence is visible in it ; not that he was particularly deficient in sacred learning; on the contrary, his theological knowledge was probably equal to that of most "candidates." Among the works which he is known to have read with care, might be named Watson's Tracts, Witsius, Stackhouse, Jonathan Edwards, besides many works of devotion and practical divinity. Abstracts of several other treatises still exist in his hand-writing, which were made before he left Portland; also a collection of "Thoughts on the Composition and Delivery of Sermons." Still, during all this time, he was invested with a public trust of no light responsibility. His school must have mainly engrossed his time, his thoughts, and his cares. To suppose that his professional studies were allowed more than a secondary claim to his attention, were to suppose him unfaithful to an important charge, which he had voluntarily assumed. And though he could hardly have been other than a distinguished preacher, even had he entered on the sacred office without further preparation, yet he would not have been the minister he afterwards was. This season of retirement has an intimate connection with his subsequent eminence and usefulness. To the occupations of these days of seclusion from the world, more than to any other means, may be traced his gigantic "growth in the knowledge of God," and that extraordinary unction which attended his performance of official duties.