1 Serv. I hope not; I had as lief bear so | searched a hollow walnut for his wife's leman. much lead. Enter FORD, PAGE, SHALLOW, CAIUS, and Sir HUGH EVANS. Ford. Ay, but if it prove true, master Page, have you any way then to unfool me again?-Set down the basket, villain; somebody call my wife:You, youth in a basket, come out here!-O, you panderly rascals! there's a knot, a ging, a pack, a conspiracy against me: Now shall the devil be shamed. What! wife, I say! come, come forth; behold what honest clothes you send forth to the bleaching. Page. Why, this passes! Master Ford, you are not to go loose any longer; you must be pinioned. Eva. Why, this is lunatics! this is mad as a mad dog! Shal. Indeed, master Ford, this is not well; ll; indeed. Mrs Ford. Are you not ashamed? let the clothes alone. Ford. I shall find you anon. Satisfy me once more; once more search with me. Mrs Ford. What hoa, mistress Page! come you, and the old woman, down; my husband will come into the chamber. Ford. Old woman! What old woman's that? Mrs Ford. Why, it is my maid's aunt of Brentford. Ford. A witch, a quean, an old cozening quean! Have I not forbid her my house? She comes of errands, does she? We are simple men; we do not know what's brought to pass under the profession of fortune-telling. She works by charms, by spells, by the figure, and such daubery as this is; beyond our element: we know nothing. Come down, you witch, you hag you; come down, I say. Mrs Ford. Nay, good, sweet husband ;good gentlemen, let him not strike the old wo man. Enter FALSTAFF in women's clothes, led by Mrs PAGE. Mrs Page. Come, mother Prat, come, give me your hand. Ford. I'll prat her: Out of my door, you witch! beats him] you rag, you baggage, you polecat, you ronyon! out! out! I'll conjure you, I'll fortune-tell you. Exit Falstaff. Mrs Page. Are you not ashamed? I think, you have killed the poor woman. Mrs Ford. Nay, he will do it :-'Tis a goodly credit for you. Ford. Hang her, witch! Eva. By yea and no, I think the 'oman is a witch indeed: I like not when a 'oman has a great peard; I spy a great peard under her muf Eva. 'Tis unreasonable! Will you take up fler. your wife's clothes? Come away. Ford. Empty the basket, I say. Mrs Ford. Why, man, why, Ford. Master Page, as I am a man, there was one conveyed out of my house yesterday in this basket: Why may not he be there again? In my house I am sure he is: my intelligence is true; my jealousy is reasonable: Pluck me out all the linen. Mrs Ford. If you find a man there, he shall die a flea's death. Page. Here's no man. Shal. By my fidelity, this is not well, master Ford; this wrongs you. Eva. Master Ford, you must pray, and not follow the imaginations of your own heart: this is jealousies. Ford. Well, he's not here I seek for. Page. No, nor no where else, but in your brain. Ford. Help to search my house this one time: if I find not what I seek, show no colour for my extremity, let me for ever be your table-sport; let them say of me, As jealous as Ford, that Ford. Will you follow, gentlemen? I beseech you, follow; see but the issue of my jealousy: if I cry out thus upon no trail, never trust me when I open again. Page. Let's obey his humour a little farther: Come, gentlemen. [Exeunt Page, Ford, Shallow, and Evans. Mrs Page. Trust me, he beat him most pitifully. Mrs Ford. Nay, by the mass, that he did not; he beat him most unpitifully, methought. Mrs Page. I'll have the cudgel hallowed, and hang o'er the altar; it hath done meritorious service. Mrs Ford. What think you ? May we, with the warrant of womanhood, and the witness of a good conscience, pursue him with any farther revenge? Mrs Page. The spirit of wantonness is, sure, scared out of him; if the devil have him not in fee simple, with fine and recovery, he will never, I think, in the way of waste, attempt us again. Mrs Ford. Shall we tell our husbands how we have served him? Mrs Page. Yes, by all means; if it be but to scrape the figures out of your husband's brains. If they can find in their hearts, the poor unvirtuous fat knight shall be any farther afflicted, we two will still be the ministers. Mrs Ford. I'll warrant, they'll have him publickly shamed: and, methinks, there would be no period to the jest, should he not be publickly shamed. Mrs Page. Come, to the forge with it then, shape it: I would not have things cool. [Exeunt. SCENE III. A room in the Garter Inn. Bard. Sir, the Germans desire to have three of your horses: the duke himself will be tomorrow at court, and they are going to meet him. Host. What duke should that be, comes so secretly? I hear not of him in the court: Let me speak with the gentlemen; they speak English? Bard. Ay, sir; I'll call them to you. Host. They shall have my horses; but I'll make them pay, I'll sauce them: they have had my houses a week at command; I have turned away my other guests: they must come off; I'll sauce them: Come. [Exeunt. SCENE IV. A room in Ford's house. Enter PAGE, FORD, Mrs PAGE, Mrs FORD, and Sir HUGH EVANS. Eva. 'Tis one of the pest discretions of a 'oman as ever I did look upon. Page. And did he send you both these letters at an instant? Mrs Page. Within a quarter of an hour. And let us two devise to bring him thither. Sometime a keeper here in Windsor forest, a chain And there he blasts the tree, and takes the cat- The superstitious idle-headed eld Page. Why, yet there want not many, that In deep of night to walk by this Herne's oak: Mrs Ford. Marry, this is our device; Page. Well, let it not be doubted but he'll And in this shape: When you have brought Mrs Page. That likewise have we thought Nan Page my daughter, and my little son, Like urchins, ouphes, and fairies, green and I rather will suspect the sun with cold, nour stand In him, that was of late an heretick, thou wilt; With rounds of waxen tapers on their heads, As Falstaff, she, and I, are newly met, Let them from forth a saw-pit rush at once We two in great amazedness will fly: And, fairy-like, to pinch the unclean knight; Mrs Ford. And till he tell the truth, Mrs Page. The truth being known, Ford. The children must Be practis'd well to this, or they'll ne'er do't. Eva. I will teach the children their behaviours; and I will be like a jack-an-apes also, to burn the knight with my taber. properties, And tricking for our fairies. Eva. Let us about it: It is admirable pleasures, and fery honest knaveries. [Exeunt Page, Ford, and Evans. Mrs Page. Go, mistress Ford, Send Quickly to sir John, to know his mind. [Exit Mrs Ford. I'll to the doctor; he hath my good will, SCENE V.-A room in the Garter Inn. Host. What would'st thou have, boor? what, thick-skin? speak, breathe, discuss; brief, short, quick, snap. Sim. Marry, sir, I come to speak with sir John Falstaff from master Slender. Host. There's his chamber, his house, his castle, his standing-bed, and truckle-bed; 'tis painted about with the story of the prodigal, fresh and new: Go, knock and call; he'll speak like an Anthropophaginian unto thee: Knock, I say. Sim. There's an old woman, a fat woman, gone up into his chamber; I'll be so bold as stay, sir, till she come down: I come to speak with her, indeed. Host. Ha! a fat woman! the knight may be robbed : I'll call.-Bully knight! Bully sir John! speak from thy lungs military: Art thou there? it is thine host, thine Ephesian, calls. Fal. Above. How now, mine host? Host. Here's a Bohemian Tartar tarries the coming down of thy fat woman: Let her descend, bully, let her descend; my chambers are honourable: Fye! privacy? fye! Enter FALSTAFF. Sim. Pray you, sir, was't not the wise woman of Brentford? Fal. Ay, marry, was it, muscle-shell: What would you with her? Sim. My master, sir, my master Slender, sent to her, seeing her go thorough the streets, to know, sir, whether one Nym, sir, that beguiled him of a chain, had the chain, or no. Fal. I spake with the old woman about it. Sim. And what says she, I pray, sir? Fal. Marry, she says, that the very same man, that beguiled master Slender of his chain, cozened him of it. Sim. I would, I could have spoken with the woman herself; I had other things to have spoken with her too, from him. Fal. What are they? let us know. Sim. I may not conceal them, sir. Sim. Why, sir, they were nothing but about mistress Anne Page: to know, if it were my master's fortune to have her, or no. Fal. 'Tis, 'tis his fortune. Sim. What, sir? Fal. To have her, or no: Go; say, the wo man told me so. Sim. May I be so bold to say so, sir? Fal. Ay, sir Tike; who more bold? Sim. I thank your worship: I shall make my master glad with these tidings. Exit Simple. Host. Thou art clerkly, thou art clerkly, sir John: Was there a wise woman with thee? Fal. Ay, that there was, mine host; one, that hath taught me more wit than ever I learned before in my life: and I paid nothing for it neither, but was paid for my learning. Enter BARDOLPH. Bard. Out, alas, sir! cozenage! mere cozenage! Host. Where be my horses? speak well of them, varletto. Bard. Run away with the cozeners: for so soon as I came beyond Eton, they threw me off, from behind one of them, in a slough of mire; and set spurs, and away, like three German devils, three doctor Faustuses. Host. They are gone but to meet the duke, villain: do not say, they be fled; Germans are honest men. Enter Sir HUGH EVANS. Eva. Where is mine host? Host. What is the matter, sir? Eva. Have a care of your entertainments: there is a friend of mine come to town, tells me, there is three cousin germans, that has cozened all the hosts of Reading, of Maidenhead, for good-will, look you: you are wise, and full Fal. There was, mine host, an old fat woman of Colebrook, of horses and money. I tell you even now with me; but she's gone. of gibes and vlouting-stogs; and 'tis not conve- Enter Doctor CAIUS. Caius. Vere is mine host de Jarterre? Host. Here, master doctor, in perplexity, and doubtful dilemma. Caius. I cannot tell vat is dat: But it is tella me, dat you make grand preparation for a duke de Jarmany: by my trot, dere is no duke, dat de court is know to come: I tell you for good vill: adieu. [Exit. Host. Hue and cry, villain, go:-assist me, knight; I am undone :-fly, run, hue and cry, villain! I am undone! [Exeunt Host and Bardolph. Fal. I would, all the world might be cozened; for I have been cozened, and beaten too. If it should come to the ear of the court, how I have been transformed, and how my transformation hath been washed and cudgelled, they would melt me out of my fat, drop by drop, and liquor fishermen's boots with me; I warrant, they would whip me with their fine wits, till I were as crest-fallen as a dried pear. I never prospered since I forswore myself at primero. Well, if my wind were but long enough to say my prayers, I would repent. Enter Mistress QUICKLY. Now! whence come you? Quick. From the two parties, forsooth. Fal. The devil take one party, and his dam the other, and so they shall be both bestowed! I have suffered more for their sakes, more, than the villainous inconstancy of man's disposition is able to bear. Quick. And have not they suffered? Yes, I warrant; speciously one of them; mistress Ford, good heart, is beaten black and blue, that you cannot see a white spot about her. Fal. What tell'st thou me of black and blue? I was beaten myself into all the colours of the rainbow; and I was like to be apprehended for the witch of Brentford; but that my admirable dexterity of wit, my counterfeiting the action of an old woman, delivered me, the knave constable had set me i' the stocks, i' the common stocks, for a witch. Quick. Sir, let me speak with you in your chamber: you shall hear how things go; and, I warrant, to your content. Here is a letter will say somewhat. Good hearts, what ado here is to bring you together! Sure, one of you does not serve heaven well, that you are so crossed. Fal. Come up into my chamber. [Exeunt. SCENE VI.-Another room in the Garter Inn. Fent. Yet hear me speak: Assist me in my purpose, And, as I am a gentleman, I'll give thee Fent. From time to time I have acquainted With the dear love I bear to fair Anne Page; Hath a great scene: the image of the jest one, Must my sweet Nan present the fairy queen; Her mother, even strong against that match, The better to denote her to the doctor, Host. Which means she to deceive? father or Fent. Both, my good host, to go along with me: Host. Well, husband your device; I'll to the Host. Master Fenton, talk not to me; my Besides, I'll make a present recompense. [Exeunt. ACT V. SCENE I. A room in the Garter Inn. Enter FALSTAFF and Mrs QUICKLY. Fal. Pr'ythee, no more prattling;-go-I'll hold: this is the third time; I hope, good luck lies in odd numbers. Away, go; they say, there is divinity in odd numbers, either in nativity, chance, or death.-Away. Quick. I'll provide you a chain; and I'll do what I can to get you a pair of horns. Fal. Away, I say; time wears: hold up your head, and mince. [Exit Mrs Quickly. Enter FORD. How now, master Brook? Master Brook, the matter will be known to-night, or never. Be you in the park about midnight, at Herne's oak, and you shall see wonders. Ford. Went you not to her yesterday, sir, as you told me you had appointed? Fal. I went to her, master Brook, as you see, like a poor old man: but I came from her, master Brook, like a poor old woman. That same knave, her husband, hath the finest mad devil of jealousy in him, master Brook, that ever governed frenzy. I will tell you.-He beat me grievously, in the shape of a woman; for in the shape of man, master Brook, I fear not Goliath with a weaver's beam; because I know also, life is a shuttle. I am in haste; go along with me; I'll tell you all, master Brook. Since I plucked geese, played truant, and whipped top, I knew not what it was to be beaten, till lately. Follow me: I'll tell you strange things of this knave Ford; on whom to-night I will be revento-night ged, and I will deliver his wife into your hand. -Follow; strange things in hand, master Brook! follow. [Exeunt. SCENE II.-Windsor Park. Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER. Page. Come, come; we'll couch i' the castleditch, till we see the light of our fairies.-Remember, son Slender, my daughter. Slen. Ay, forsooth; I have spoke with her, and we have a nay-word, how to know one another. I come to her in white, and cry, mum; she cries, budget; and by that we know one another. Shal. That's good too: but what needs either your mum, or her budget? the white will decipher her well enough. It hath struck ten o' clock. Page. The night is dark; light and spirits will become it well. Heaven prosper our sport! SCENE III. The street in Windsor. Enter Mrs PAGE, Mrs FORD, and Dr CAIUS. Mrs Page. Master doctor, my daughter is in green: when you see your time, take her by the hand, away with her to the deanery, and despatch it quickly: Go before into the park; we two must go together. Caius. I know vat I have to do; adieu. Mrs Page. Fare you well, sir. Exit Caius.] -My husband will not rejoice so much at the abuse of Falstaff, as he will chafe at the doctor's marrying my daughter: but 'tis no matter; better a little chiding, than a great deal of heartbreak. Mrs Ford. Where is Nan now, and her troop of fairies? and the Welch devil, Hugh? Mrs Page. They are all couched in a pit hard by Herne's oak, with obscured lights; which, at the very instant of Falstaff's and our meeting, they will at once display to the night. Mrs Ford. That cannot choose but amaze him. Mrs Page. If he be not amazed, he will be mocked; if he be amazed, he will every way be mocked. Mrs Ford. We'll betray him finely. lechery, Those that betray them do no treachery. Mrs Ford. The hour draws on; to the oak, to the oak! [Exeunt. SCENE IV. - Windsor Park. Enter Sir HUGH EVANS, and Fairies. Eva. Trib, trib, fairies; come; and remember your parts: be pold, I pray you; follow me into the pit; and when I give you the watch'ords, do as I pid you; come come; trib, trib. [Exeunt. SCENE V.-Another part of the Park. Enter FALSTAFF disguised, with a buck's head on. Fal. The Windsor bell hath struck twelve; the minute draws on: Now, the hot-blooded gods assist me :-Remember, Jove, thou wast a bull for thy Europa; love set on thy horns.O, powerful love! that, in some respects, makes a beast a man; in some other, a man a beastYou were also, Jupiter, a swan, for the love of Leda;-0, omnipotent love! how near the god |