ELECTION INTELLIGENCE,

WITH THE RIGHTS OF WOMEN RECOGNISED.

(For which the Ladies are referred to Mr. Cruikshank's charming picture of the Future.)

SIR CHARLES DARLING (the Ladies' Candidate), presented himself on the hustings amidst a general waving of handkerchiefs, and spoke as follows:

:

Ladies and―(with a smile)-need I say gentlemen? (Titters and "Droll creature!") I think not. Gallantry forbids my recognising their existence-in any light other than as the devoted slaves of that divine sex, of whom I am proud to esteem myself the humblest. (Cries of "How nice!")

Ladies, then, angels, goddesses (" Oh!" from an elderly bachelor, who was removed by the police), for the thrilling position in which I am placed, how can I be sufficiently grateful to that glorious reform in our electoral system, which has partially recognised the true position of lovely woman? ("Partially!" in a tone of sarcasm, from a member of Mr. Screwdriver's committee). My honourable and gallant friend objects to the adverb. I say partially, for by admitting the ladies to the Franchise with the gentlemen, they are but recognised as equals, instead of superiors. (Great sensation.) Yes, ladies, and it shall be my earnest endeavours as your repre sentative ("Yah!" and "Not yet!" from Mr. Screwdriver). My honourable and gallant friend observes "Not yet." It is true I have a formidable rival to contend with. The charms of his person, (screams, and "the Old Fright!") his known politeness, above all his taste in dress (here the laughter and clapping of kid gloves rendered the speaker inaudible for some moments) compared with such claims, mine are worthless ("Do listen!" and "The Duck!”), extending no farther than a willingness, I may say a downright anxiety, to die in the cause of the fair creatures, who, I believe I may say. have done me the honour to elect me as their champion ("Yes! Yes!") With the ladies' voices in my favour, I believe I need not fear those of the gentlemen being exerted against me. (Cries of "We should like to see them," Speak up, Alfred, do," "I'm ashamed of you," &c.) I thank you, gentlemen or rather I do not thank you; I honour you for your-may I say obedience? (" Oh yes!” in a rapturous tone, from the engaged gentlemen), though, after all, I don't see how you were to help yourselves. (Great applause, and numerous bouquets thrown.)

66

The Honourable Mrs. Poser stepped forward, and begged to be allowed to address a few questions to the candidate.

Mrs. Poser. What are Sir Charles's views with regard to the existing Excise regulations?

Sir Charles: My first measure will be to bring in a bill legalizing the smuggling of laces and French ribbons. (Rapturous cheering.)

A Voice. About the Sanitary Movement?

Sir Charles thought every family should leave town at the end of the season. It was his opinion, that all husbands paying the income tax should be compelled to take their wives and children to the seaside for the autumn months. It should have his earliest attention. In answer to another speaker, he considered that Assembly-rooms should be maintained in every town by the public

purse.

Mrs. Poser. What Foreign Policy will you advocate ?

Sir Charles would advocate peace with France at all hazards, that nothing might endanger the immediate importation of Parisian fashions. (Cheers and bouquets.)

A Young Lady. About the Army?

Sir Charles. I am for keeping up a standing army, to consist entirely of regiments of horse-guards, composed exclusively of officers. (Immense sensation.)

Mrs. Poser. I should like to hear your intentions as to the tobacco duties.

Sir Charles. To prohibit the importation and cultivation of that objectionable plant altogether, so that there may be no more smoking.

A show of parasols was demanded, and Sir Charles Darling was declared duly elected.

SCRAP FROM A NEW "SEASONS."

BY THOMPSON, OF THE LONDON DAILY PRESS GENERALLY.

*

And now September comes, and Parliament
Hears, and obeys, for once, the nation's cry,
By "shutting up" at last. Forth to the moors
Hies the tir'd senator: his high-born dame,
Seeking her rustic bower, entertains

A most select and fashionable circle.

Now stares the peasant at the season's strange
Ethereal mildness! Not a hundred miles

From the secluded village where we write

(Small worth its humble name), the troubled sky
Pours down in wrath a mystic show'r of frogs!
Bewilder'd fly the scared inhabitants,

Of whom the Oldest fails to recollect

A like phenomenon! Now erst are seen
Enormous gooseberries- *

**

The amount paid for this short contribution may be ascertained by a simple process of linear enumeration-and reference to the pence table.

FULL DRESS.

"THERE was a sound of revelry by night,"

(In fact the neighbours couldn't sleep a wink)
Mingled with that of double knocks, and slight
Remarks from coachmen, overcome with drink,
Not indispensable to our narration,
And totally unfit for publication.

There came a knock-a double-treble rap,
That startled all the square from its propriety,
Made Fanny Thompson scream and cling,
To Captain Smith (the artful thing!)
As in a deux temps round they flew,
(The Prima Donna, best of the variety);
Shook the gold oats in Lady Boozle's cap;
Sent Charley Finch in Lucy Lightfoot's lap,

(The rogue had stayed there, but he knew
The folks would talk-quite proper too);
Checked Jeames in an upstair-ward rush,
And with a tray of lemonade,

Fantastic maps of England made
Upon his whilom spotless plush.
(He was discharged next day for insobriety)—
Made Croop revoke;
Brown's only joke,

Arrested ere 'twas said;

His only chance that ev'ning dish'd,
Oh! how he wish'd

To punch that brazen-knocker's lion head.

The circling throng,

Stooping to catch Miss Jenny Linnet's song-
The feeble quavers heard no more.
The knock had quite upset them all,
Sing. Jenny, more than ever small!

In vain thy chirping notes outpour;

Gone is thy light of other days,
One chorus now all voices raise

Of" Who dat knocking at de door ?"

The Great Announced, or hear the footman mention
The name of one, whose birth or prosp'rous dealings
Have given him the true patrician right

Of disregarding other people's feelings.
"A city knight?