WINE VERSUS WATER.

GREAT ANTI-TEMPERANCE MEETING.

A HIGHLY respectable meeting of some of the most influential Wines, Beers, and Spirits, was held for the purpose of considering the best means of opposing the Temperance Movement. Among those on the platform we particularly noticed Port, Sherry, and Claret; while at the lower end of the room were Cape, Marsala, and a deputation from the British Wines, who were represented by the Two-and-Twopenny Sparkling Champagne, more familiarly known as the "Genuine Walker." Most of the principal wines wore the silver collars of the orders to which they respectively belonged; and Port having been unanimously voted into the chair, the business of the meeting was opened by Corkscrew, in a concise but pointed manner.

CHAMPAGNE was the first to rise, in a state of great effervescence. He declared that he was frothing over with pure indignation at the idea of wine being excluded from the social board; and, indeed, he found it impossible to preserve the coolness which ought to belong to him. He was not one to keep anything long bottled up -("Hear," and a laugh);—indeed, when he once let loose, out it must all come: and he did say that the temperance movement was playing Old Gooseberry with him in every direction.-(Cries of" Shame!" from the Genuine Walker.)

CLARET said that he did not often get into a state of fermentation; but on this occasion he did feel his natural smoothness forsaking him. He begged leave to propose the following resolution:

"That the substitution of water for wine is likely to dissolve all social ties, and is calculated to do material injury to the constitution."

RUM rose, he said, for the purpose of opposing this resolution, which he thought of too sweeping a character. He (Rum), so far from wishing to get rid of water altogether, was always happy to meet with it on equal terms; and he knew that he (Rum), as well as many of his friends around him, had derived a good deal of their influence from being mixed up with water, and going, as it were, half-way; which there could be no objection to.

GIN begged leave to differ from the honourable spirit that had just sat down, and who was so unaccustomed to be on his legs at all, that it was not surprising he should have failed to make a

respectable stand on the present occasion.-(Cries of "Order!")He (Gin) had no wish to create confusion.-(Ironical cheering from Marsala.)-He understood the meaning of that cheer; and would certainly confess that the honourable beverage-for he would not use the stronger term of wine-(A laugh)—was not likely to create confusion in any quarter. No; he (the honourable beverage) was not strong enough for that.-(Renewed laughter.)-He (Gin) had, perhaps, suffered more from water than all the other wines and spirits whom he now saw before him put together. His reputation had been materially hurt by it; and he was strongly of opinion that the only thing to be done with water is to throw it overboard. (Hear, hear.)

A French Wine, whose name we could not learn, let something drop, but we were unable to catch it.

CAPE now rose, but was immediately coughed down in a very unceremonious manner.

The thanks of the meeting having been voted to Port for his able conduct in the decanter, the meeting separated; but not until a committee had been chosen, Consisting of a dozen of wine and a gallon of beer, with power to add to their number, either by water or otherwise.

PREDICTIONS FOR JANUARY.

In examining the horoscope it seems to embrace a wide scope of horrors. There will be dark days for England, which we must be prepared for by lighting candles. After New Year's Day there will be many broils, and Turkey will be torn to pieces by domestic

violence.

THE GARDEN.

If anything is done in the garden at this time of the perhaps the best thing will be to run about in it. Do not a to move any of your trees, but keep your junior branches as much as possible. This is the best time to take yo in-doors; but it should be rum shrub, watered in mode taken at night over a cheerful fire.

DECISIONS IN HILARY TERM.

THE property in a lodger's possession may be seized for rent due from a tenant, but it does not appear that the lodger's self-possession can legally be taken away from him.

A flaw in a lease will not always let in the heir, but the air is frequently let in by a flaw in the building.

When a conveyance has already sufficient parties, it has been held that the remainder man may be shut out. This was decided in the cases of Podger versus the driver and conductor of the Atlas Omnibus.

If a party offers to pledge himself, semble, that a pawnbroker cannot be compelled to take him in, though it is done frequently.

It is not yet decided whether the new Act for the Protection of the Queen's Person, which inflicts a penalty for presenting fire-arms at the Queen's person, does or does not extend to the sentinels on duty, who present arms at Her Majesty whenever she leaves the Palace.

The New Poor Law Act, prohibiting all out-door relief, does not apply to trees, which may be re-leaved out of doors at the usual period.

It is a question whether, by the recent law, which says that all children under five are to be carried gratuitously in any stage-carriage, a mother may insist on claiming free passage for four children by any public conveyance.

It has been decided that the Act giving the net proceeds of a slave ship to the captors, does not mean that they are only entitled to the fish caught in nets on board the vessel.

The Court of Queen's Bench has delared, that a minor under the age of ten years cannot legally be a miner since the passing of the Mines and Collieries' Regulation Act.

TEN THOUSAND A YEAR.

THE TAX ON PROPERTY.

THERE'S something agreeable in the idea
Of having for income "Ten Thousand a Year:"

But property, while it possesses its beauties,
Is burdened not only with rights but with duties.
It well may be said that the strongest of backs
Is bent with the weight of the Property Tax.
"Ten Thousand a Year" is expected to sport
A carriage of every conceivable sort;

A britschka, a Clarence, landau, and pilentum,
He must purchase as fast as the makers invent 'em.
Each vehicle fashion compels him to take,
Till "Ten Thousand a Year" is reduced to a break.
Of lazy domestics, in liv'ry and out,

A tribe must be kept to be lounging about,
On wages exorbitant, though, it is true,

They've nothing on earth-but their master-to do.
The larder, as well as the pockets, they clear:
'Tis part of the tax on "Ten Thousand a Year."

The blessings of wealth would be given in vain To one who'd not swim all his friends in champagne: His dinners must needs be the talk of the season, As feasts of whate'er can be thought of-but reason. As a liveried lacquey, perchance, there may wait Some usurer, having a lien on the plate; Who will not allow it to pass from his sight, Although to its owner 'tis lent for the night: The usurer gracefully keeps in the rear, Not to mar the effect of "Ten Thousand a Year."

Then balls must be given the salons to fill,
And ruin be met in a graceful quadrille :
"Tis sweet e'en on bankruptcy's margin to s
While lulled with the music of Collinet's b
Such luxuries can't be accounted as dear
By one who's possessed of "Ten Thousa

Without a town mansion, a park, and a seat,
The rich man's establishment is not complete;
But still on an annual tour he must roam;

His house must on no account serve for his home:

For servants, its comforts may do very well;
He must wander abroad to some foreign hotel:
When the season is over, in town to appear

Would be très mauvais goût of "Ten Thousand a Year."

Extravagant family, daughters and sons,

With distant connections who pester like duns,

On the strength of the fact that their wealthy relation
Can't suffer their wants to reflect on his station-
The family's dignity, honour, and pride;

And many a heavy encumbrance beside,

Of which but a few on the surface appear

All make up the tax on "Ten Thousand a Year."

MONTHLY OBSERVATIONS.

THE depth of rain may be ascertained by placing a common stick in an ordinary puddle; or, to walk into one will answer the same purpose. If there should be ice in your water-jug, Moore says, "Look for its continuance;" but we say, "Look for something to break it, and put an end to it." If there is much fog, it will be useless to look for anything.

USEFUL REMARKS.

A CURE for Toothache:-Extraction is out-and-out the best remedy for this malady.

The Moon-we mean Mr. Sheriff Moon-will be in his second quarter all the month. For the hours of rising, apply in Threadneedle Street.

GENERAL CHARACTER OF THE WEATHER.

THE character of the weather is rather violent at this time of the year; for it generally knocks down the thermometer, and is guilty of other very cool proceedings.