THE END OF PHEASANT SHOOTING.

THE SONG OF THE GAME.

UNTO the feathered tribe how pleasant
No more to be in dread of cartridge;
Free is the gay and happy pheasant,
And free as air the simple partridge.

No more the sportsman's gun we hear,
The laws' protection we may claim;
Defying all who venture near,
"Tis now our turn for making game.

We laugh at Lords and Commons too,
For now not one of them is able,
Whate'er with others they may do,
To lay our bills upon the table.

Now occupied in making laws,
They show their legislative powers
In mutilating many a clause;

But they can touch no claws of ours.

The Cockneys now, with sportsman's pride,
In shooting gaiters case their legs;
Their Mantons they may lay aside,
While we aside will lay our Eggs.

PATENTS FOR INVENTIONS.

PATENTS will, it is expected, be granted—

TO SIR ROBERT PEEL; for a new and most efficacious manner of sweeping by machinery, as exemplified in his very sweeping machinery of the Income Tax.

TO LADY SALE; for carrying Britannia metal to a high degree of perfection.

TO DRS. NEWMAN and PUSEY; for an entirely new method of introducing heat into churches.

To LORD BROUGHAM; for the application of rotatory motion, with a view to obtaining power.

To the CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER; for an extension of the use of the screw, so as to augment its pressure.

To the POOR LAW COMMISSIONERS; for a new method of diminishing pauperism by reducing the number of paupers; and also for an improved process of grinding.

TO DANIEL O'CONNELL; for a most effectual method of draining Ireland.

REPORT ON

THE TRAINING OF PAUPER CHILDREN.

In turning our attention to the infant mind, we have discovered that it is a sort of compound of caoutchouc and wax, the caoutchouc being to the wax about two and a-half to one and three-quarters; so that more whacks will be found requisite to give it a proper tone for educational purposes. There is no doubt that children, like grape-vines, prizefighters, scarlet-runners, and jockeys, are capable of training. The mode of training jockeys, which is to keep them on short diet, so as to diminish their weight, we strongly recommend for the training of pauper children; because, as they are necessarily a burden to the parish, it is only fair that they should be as light a burden as possible.

The introduction of Mr. Hullah's system of Singing for the Million we do not recommend. It increases the appetite by exercising the lungs; and it has been ascertained that if thirty children are taken, of whom fifteen have just sung God Save the Queen, and fifteen have not, the fifteen who have sung God Save the Queen will eat onesixteenth more than the fifteen others. This was tried with a round of beef and some boys belonging to the Model School at Battersea. The beef, when divided by those who had not been singing, went once into fifteen and something over; but the boys who had been singing went twice into the beef, and left the remainder nothing.

With regard to dancing, we are inclined to believe that it may safely be made a portion of the training of pauper children. It would certainly give facility to their future steps in life, and enable them to turn themselves round after they leave the workhouse. We are also disposed to think that the great demand for cherubs, which is likely to arise by the opening of the large theatres for opera and ballet, will render the "dancing of pauper children" an important source of parochial revenue. With a view to the introduction of dancing into pauper schools, we have caused a copy of the following questions to be addressed to the master of every union workhouse :-"1. Inquire the state of all the pauper children's toes, and how they are likely to turn out.

"3. Inquire the age at which the dancing days are usually said to be over.

"4. Cause an investigation into the meaning of the familiar term 'leading him a pretty dance;' which is believed to be a sort of pas de do between a debtor, who is out of the way, and a creditor.

"2. Ascertain the number of bow-knees and bandy-legs throughout the school, and divide them into tables, distinguishing the ages of the respective owners."

The Commissioners have little doubt that dancing was originally taught in our colleges; and they think they need only point to the College Hornpipe as a proof of their hypothesis. Sir Christopher Hatton, whose dancing attracted the attention of Queen Elizabeth, probably imbibed his knowledge of the art from one of our great seats of learning; and the Commissioners think it very natural that a good dancer should be capable of filling the first position. It is not unlikely that he was selected to fill the office of Lord Chancellor from his proficiency in the double-shuffle, or from his knowing when to change sides, turn round, and go back to places.

It is to the Commissioners a most refreshing fact that one experiment they have made of a charity ball has been attended with complete success; for a lesson in mathematics is found to combine with a lesson in dancing. The pupils were observed to describe very accurately with their legs a series of the most difficult angles, which they had often very vainly attempted to achieve by the aid of the compasses.

In conclusion, the Commissioners strongly recommend that the masters of workhouses should be instructed to take the proper steps for introducing the art of dancing, as a portion of the future training pauper children.

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PREDICTIONS FOR MARCH.

ABOUT the twenty-fifth tenants may look for their landlords; but landlords will, some of them, look in vain for their tenants.

GARDENING OPERATIONS.

Now is the time to force your cucumbers; but if they will not come by being forced, try what can be done by persuasion. All your efforts will be useless if the cucumbers themselves are not in the right frame.

OBSERVATIONS.

The prevalence of the wind is so great in the month of March that the trees generally begin blowing.

The sun will certainly enter Aries on the 19th; which is perhaps a reason for pulling down the kitchen-blinds; but this is optional.

EST novelty should receive a check from the cessation of inventions, it is intended to construct a new rail

road, to be called the Electro-Intellecto-Mesmeric Railroad, the object of which will be to expedite the March of Intellect. One of the peculiar features of this railroad will be the use of brass instead of iron for the trains; and, as the projectors possess an inexhaustible stock of the former article, there will be no difficulty in procuring it.

Another peculiar feature of this railroad will be, that the shareholders may act as sleepers.

One of the peculiar advantages of the Electro-Intellecto-Mesmeric Railroad consists in there being no occasion for steam, the power of raising the wind by the most active and continued puffing being considered sufficient to carry all matters to the terminus of popularity.

There are already two or three engines in the possession of the projectors, one of which is the Humbug Locomotive, of very considerable power.

It is intended to celebrate the opening of the line by a grand march of intellect; Lord Brougham and the projector of the Aerial Ship have both promised to attend. The latter will refute the assertion as to the Aerial Ship having been thrown up; for, instead of being thrown up, it has never been elevated in the smallest degree, nor is such an event at all likely to happen.

AN ESSAY ON RENT.

BY A POLITICAL ECONOMIST.

RENT is the price of land; but there is some rent that is not the price of land: for instance, it must be said of the Repeal Rent, that there is no real ground for it.

An English acre will sometimes yield six per cent.; but the Irish wiseacres have been known to yield much more. It must, however, be remembered that in the latter case draining has been carried to the greatest extent possible.

Rents in England go up when the country is settled; but in Ireland it is quite the reverse: for the Repeal Rent rises when the people are worked up, and it is then they appear willing to come down with it.

The profit of a landlord and the profit of a shopkeeper partake equally of the character of rent. The former lives by tilling his land, and the latter by putting into a till (which is the same thing as tilling) his money.

It is an obvious truth in political economy that the more rent a tenant has to pay, the more a landlord will have to receive, and the better it will be for him. Thus, if a tenant pays no rent for a whole year, more rent will be due, and the value of the property would seem to be increased; at all events, the landlord's claim would be a larger one than if the rent had been regularly paid every quarter.

If a farmer pays five pounds a quarter for his farm, and gets twenty shillings a quarter for his corn, he may consider the difference between the maximum of one and the minimum of the other as the mean product.

The landlord and the tenant equally profit by consumption: for the more that is consumed, the greater the value of what is left. Thus, if a fire consumes a haystack, or consumption of a galloping nature carries off a horse, the owner would, according to political economists, be all the richer for it.

Capital and labour belong legitimately to the subject of rent. The greatest labour is sometimes employed in raising capital; as in the case of the labour bestowed on raising the capital for the statue of the Nelson column. Labour is often intimately connected with rent, for in some neighbourhoods there is a vast deal of labour in collecting it.

Quarter-day is the day when rent comes due; but, when due, it does not always come; and a landlord who expects his rent punctually at the quarter is too sanguine by half.