ward squad, mere clowns have had a hit at some of our linsey-woolsey officers: A fellow offered himself as a recruit, and was put under the standard by the officer, who was so diminutive as to be obliged to mount a stool to see the mark; upon a view of which he told the soldier he wanted an inch, and would not do. "Not do for a soldier!" exclaimed the bumkin with a stare" Why then make me an officer;-I see any thing does for that."The newspapers contained the following extract:-" Sir John Moore has sent from the army which he commands, one officer of very high rank, and two officers of very superior rank, on account of incapacity and unfitness to command."-Were these men fit to have been entrusted with a command in actual service, and the lives of an army? The thousands slaughtered through ignorance of these pretenders, will rise against them, and make a hotter day for them than ever they blundered through upon earth. Oh, Wardle! sweep me away such jackadandies from the face of the earth-at least, from the leaves of the Red Book, in which let red coat merit resume its proper rank, Thy mausoleum will then be in the hearts of the British army, and thy praises hang on the tongue of veterans!-Let it no longer be the first question put to a boy, on his first entrance into a mess-room in a red coat"Well, through what wh's interest did you get in?" The ladies must be ever entitled to the gallantry of regimental officers, but it is totally out of their province to have any share in the nomination of them; for "Fools oft'ner than the wise please womankind." OUT OF LUCK. In a coffee-house, lounging away a dull hour, ('Twas just three by the clock, and the dinner time four) Ned Splash and Dick Dash, near the window took seat, And sat quizzing the natives—to them a high treat; Cries Ned: "Is not he that's so dashingly fine, "Tom Tattle, with whom we so frequently dine? ""Tis he, but he always looked seedy before, "Must have ta'en to the road, or some good-natur'd W -e." "A good scent," replies Dick, “ and youv'e run it breast high, "Tom's sister has got a good leg, and black eye; "The keeps her, and she by her face, "Has fix'd Tom for life in a lucrative place." "What luck!" cries out Ned, " thro' a female relation, "To hop into such a genteel situation! "My mother, my aunt, and my sister, all three, 66 Are w " but one motion ne'er made for poor me." "Of old, ere things were grown so cursed dear, ANON. The following MINISTERIAL MEMORANDA were picked up in Downing-street, supposed to have been blown out of some window. Proceedings, Anno 48th, Regis As a preface has lately become as common to an administration as to a book, in imitation of the DOCTOR's humbug story of Mode ration and Good Faith, and the still more bumbug one of the Broad-Bottomed and All the Talents, assumed the title of THE MEN OF ENERGY. To appear to act up to our style, ran about like young lawyers in Westminster Hall on first day of term, with full bags and empty heads.-Endeavoured to bring the late ministry within the penalties of præmunire, for attempting to revive the authority of the Church of Rome within these realms; but the public jury having seen enough of "No Popery," in Lord George Gordon's days, and rightly considering it only as an electioneering squib, we only roused the general indignation against ourselves, and burned our own fingers.-Suffered a non pros.— Must do somewhat not to appear mere plodders, so made a great bustle at, or in a certain part or port of his majesty's dominions, commonly called, or known by the name of Yarmouth, and elsewhere, whence sent out a large posse comitatus, (armed with guns, bayonets, swords, sticks, staves, clubs, and other weapons) which did violently and unlawfully, vi et armis, assault a certain prince or potentate, styled the king of Denmark, and divers others, his subjects, and servants, killing, wounding, and maiming them; and did then and there, to wit, at Copenhagen, in the island of Zealand, for |