FLAT CATCHING.

SAYS Junót to Kellerman-" Well, you have been "In the camp of these British-pray, what have you seen? "Is there any weak place? Can we do aught by fighting?" Quoth Kellerman-" No; but we'll do much by writing: "The generals' heads are the only weak place,

"A Convention will shift upon them our disgrace; "Their wit's in their swords; put a pen, 'stead of these, "In their hands, and they'll sign just whatever we please." "Lose no time!" quoth Junot.-Away Kellerman flies→→→ Catches three full-grown flats to the world's great surprise. Junot cries" If these blockheads could treat as they fight,

"Mon Dieu! we had been in von cursed bad plight!" "Then Vive la Convention! shout all we Frenchmen; "Vat we lose by de sword, we regain by de pen."

"Unless corruption first deject the pride
And guardian vigour of the free-born soul,
All crude attempts of violence are vain;
For firm within, and while at heart untouch'd,
Ne'er yet by force was freedom overcome.
But soon as independence stoops the head,
To vice enslav'd, and vice-creating wants;
Then to some foul corrupting hand, whose waste
Their craving lusts with fatal bounty feeds,
They fall a willing, undefended prize.

From man to man th' infectious softness runs,
'Till the whole state unnerv'd in slav'ry sinks."
THOMSON'S LIBERTY,

Now are not we-who denominate our selves True Britons, ashamed of ourselves, or have not we occasion to be so, for that, we (not having the independent spirit of our forefathers before our eyes, but being moved and seduced by the instigation of the demon of degeneracy) should have set up, and should continue to bow down before so many

golden calves as self-interest-custom-fashion -vanity, and other regulations and longings of polished (as it is termed) or (as we should term it) poisoned society?-After the epoch of the British Solomon, James I. when English love of independence slaughtered the monstrous jure divino calf, and established a rational compact between sovereign and subjects, should we not be ashamed to find that the hopes and expectations of the nation may be defeated by incapable ministers, or convention-mongers, and that we cannot humbly petition to bring the offenders to justice, without having our noses snapped off, not by the mouth of royalty, but by that of its hungry advisers? It is true that we may be asked-"What are the noses of the lord mayor, aldermen, and commons of the city of London, when put in competition with the hungry stomachs of the D― of P- Mr. P—, Mr. C.

and

other state cormorants?--Why did they thrust their noses in the way?"-Why, we answer, that they had intruded them so often

before, on agreeable occasions, and had met with such agreeable receptions, that they had forgotten what was due to themselves-and of much greater consequence than themselvesthe people as well as the old proverb--that familiarity breeds contempt. Their lips have been so glued to the royal hands, that it is said his my can distinguish every pair blind-folded. All this was very well-sovereigns are never to be cloyed with sweets; but, in evil hour, the demon of discord, jealous of these kiss-hand farces, assumed the form of a fun-loving fellow, ycleped Harlequin W―thm--n, and, with a lath sword, or linen-draper's yard, (history does not specify which) so muddied the faculties of the suckfists, that they absolutely marched away to B-m He, not with an address-but with a petition for redress.-HINC ILLE LACHRYME!

"It was not always thus: the time has been,
When this unfriendly door, that bars my passage,
Flew wide, and almost leap'd off its hinges
To give me entrance here; when this good house

4

Has pour'd forth all its dwellers to receive me;
When my approach has made a little holiday,
And ev'ry face was dress'd in smiles to meet me:
But now 'tis otherwise; and those who bless'd me
Now curse me to my face."

Yes, by all that's ludicrous! the very scul lions tittered-the lap-dogs of the maids of honor p--ssed against the robes of Eastern state, and the maids of honor themselves

That's curdled by the frost from purest snow,
And hangs on Dian's temple."

(God forgive me if I lie-I know nothing to the contrary)-these sweet tempered souls! looked like so many Tisiphonés on our unfortunate knights errant.In short, they had wandered away from their courtly routine, and received such a courtly rebuke for it, that it is confidently reported many of them never recovered from their mortification till after dinner, and six bumper toasts!— It is also rumoured, that the sly W--thm--n,